The Top

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By keep_your_eyes_on_the_sidewalk - 25/06/2018 15:00

Today, a girl with her eyes glued to her phone bumped my arm going in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. She dropped her phone, chased me to the bus stop, and told everyone that I broke it. She threatened to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 195

You deserved it 237

By lucywatson - 06/05/2016 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, working as a veterinarian, I received a complaint from a client. He said I sucked at my job, purely because I implied he should have brought his severely ill cat in a lot sooner. Which he should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 390

You deserved it 885

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 22:00

Today, I learned that the "nasty smell" in my room, which I cannot detect, does not exist. It was just my stepmother trying to make me go insane deep-cleaning my room for her personal amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 096

You deserved it 280

By Upfront - 06/04/2016 05:19 - United States - Denver

Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 128

You deserved it 1 504

By Anonymous - 15/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 246

You deserved it 14 282

Really?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Pulaski

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 697

You deserved it 5 766

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 3 299

By sadfantasy - 31/03/2016 06:00 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 050

You deserved it 1 644

By whereismyring - 28/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 683

You deserved it 1 727

By ouchy - 15/09/2018 03:30 - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, my wife and I got back from our cruise ship holiday. It was intended to be ten nights of relaxation and romance. The first five nights she had her period, and the next five nights I had painful welts on my tip from the mess in my swim shorts. Ten days later, no sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 094

You deserved it 464

That's one way to start the weekend

By Monkey - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 715

You deserved it 3 091

By bridget1989 - 11/03/2016 10:03 - United Kingdom - Swadlincote

Today, my boyfriend told me on the phone that he thought we were too poor for value-pack bacon. When I got home, I found he had gone to work leaving two lights and the TV on, and that the shower was running. He said, "Turning things on and off takes too much time! Who cares about money?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 202

You deserved it 2 093

By Xandriajoy10 - 08/03/2016 11:56 - Australia

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying two minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 647

You deserved it 1 583

By KayleeFrye - 05/03/2016 05:39 - United States - Waterbury

Today, a student threw her hot coffee at me after I told her I was giving her an F. For months I've been telling her she needs to hand in missing work, but she thought I was bluffing. She got suspended, but my clothes are still ruined and I still got burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 617

You deserved it 1 796

KayleeFrye tells us more.

KayleeFrye 39

Saturday 5 March 2016 21:41

OP here. Luckily, the burn is not bad at all. I don't even need medical attention. The skin is just red and a bit sore, similar to a minor sunburn. It will be 100% gone in another day or two. She was suspended for the rest of the school year. I do not intend to take legal action, because she will likely be back in my classroom next year. (It's an adult education program, so there are no restrictions for accepting students with records. Pretty sure this girl already has a few assault charges in her past.) Thank you for the support and sympathy! :)

By bluhbluhbluh - 06/10/2018 22:11

Today, I was informed that I had to repeat a freshman course that I aced because of a glitch in the system. I'm a senior now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 632

You deserved it 194

bluhbluhbluh tells us more.

bluhbluhbluh 14

Friday 5 October 2018 20:20

it's college. I tried to work it out so that I only did the exams but they rejected my request. about four months of doing paperwork and trying to solve the problem down the drain. :/

By Anonymous - 03/03/2016 22:36 - United States - Hampton

Today, I had to attend a meeting with my parents, my teacher, and my bully and his parents. When we started, my bully "broke down" and "tearfully" told the teacher that I was the one bullying him, and that he was getting blamed to cover it all up. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 852

You deserved it 1 414

By ClumsyDumbsy - 14/10/2018 05:00 - Australia

Today, after two months of lab research, I finally had a day off. I decided to treat myself to gourmet sun-dried tomatoes, as well as some fresh pasta for dinner. I split the entire pot of boiling water down my body and spent nearly 7 hours at the hospital. I also vomited the tomatoes up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 294

That old chestnut

By foreveralone - 24/09/2012 23:12 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Spicy

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 837

You deserved it 23 556

Great timing

By wideeyeddays - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pasadena

Today, my dad thought it was a great idea to text me and say he'd had to put our dog down. I was in the middle of class and still had hours left at school. It's not fun to walk across campus holding back tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 231

You deserved it 1 705

Freaked out

By notmycircus - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Cincinnati

Today, the school counselor asked me to leave the grief counseling group I've being go to after the death of my sister. Apparently, I scare the others. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 351

You deserved it 2 737

By Cannachick - 17/07/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 100

You deserved it 473

By Mewsmash - 01/01/2016 16:23 - United States - Dublin

Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 296

You deserved it 1 562

By linzi1771 - 15/12/2018 14:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair of tweezers exclaiming, "There's just a couple of hairs on your chin that need to be plucked." I'm a 14 year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 612

You deserved it 364

By eyepatch - 19/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Albany

Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 885

You deserved it 423

By Anonymous - 21/02/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 342

By Anonymous - 08/12/2015 20:24 - United States - Knoxville

Today, while giving my final speech, a bump that had been growing on my arm popped. Pus leaked through my white dress sleeve, and it smelled like death. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 932

You deserved it 2 541

By oh well - 14/03/2019 14:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my sister in law threatened to call CPS on me because I “starved” her children when they spent the night. I didn’t starve them. I made an actual home cooked meal instead of the microwaveable or fast food crap she constantly feeds them. They chose not to eat and threw tantrums instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 899

You deserved it 222

Road hog

By Anonymous - 24/03/2019 22:00

Today, I caught a ride with a coworker in their new Mercedes. They spent the drive passionately talking about how it made them a better driver and all the people that say otherwise are idiots. After running three stop signs and nearly sideswiping a minivan, I decided to walk the last mile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 186

By sugar baby24 - 28/06/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 6 551

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 825

You deserved it 6 896

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Today, I was given the following pearls of wisdom: "My grandmother always told me, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Anyway, she was a cunt and so are you." Thanks, dad. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 600

You deserved it 2 099

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 332

You deserved it 5 008

Today, I was looking down at my chest and noticed the hairs growing upon it. For a 16 year old, it's pretty impressive. It's a shame that I'm a girl though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 535

You deserved it 3 314

Today, I was the first one to wear the ugly corporate shirts we received. The people in my office, all of them guys, were all saying that it looked a lot better than they thought it would. Later that day I went to the toilet and saw that the shirt gapes open in front and you could see my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 858

You deserved it 18 069

Today, I started doing a striptease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 448

You deserved it 19 409

Today, my parents and I went on a hilarious tangent where we rattled off the most ridiculously dark jokes that we could think of. It was going pretty well, until my dad made a joke about diabetes. My mom is diabetic. Now my mom is furious at my dad, and he's blaming me for it. I wasn't the one who made the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 210