The Top

Hey OP here. So yeah, I do agree it was a lazy stupid decision to go over that turd. Lesson definitely learned. As to YLS and YDI I think it's funny the two are running almost even. Although I mostly figured I'd share with you all for the grossout laugh.

By queen_lol - 10/05/2016 17:14 - United States

Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 546

You deserved it 2 194

By fckdorms - 09/05/2016 14:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, like every other day, my roommate's alarm began to go off at 7:30am. What time does she have to wake up? 10:00am. Why does she have her alarm go off for two and a half hours? Because last semester she needed it to go off then and she is too lazy to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 368

You deserved it 1 098

No health allowed!

By Eat that whiskey steak or else! - 01/07/2018 20:30 - Spain - M?laga

Today, I came back home from uni for the first time in 9 months. Since I started living on my own, I gave up all alcohol, sodas, and animal products. My family was so eager to see me that even cousins and uncles were there. For the "intervention". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 278

You deserved it 522

By LadyAlyxandrea - 14/07/2018 19:00

Today, I almost died after getting an epidural in my neck. The medicine paralyzed my entire body, including my diaphragm and lungs. The doctor tried to say it was a panic attack. I had turned blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 188

You deserved it 251

Safe bet

By Pee.H.D - 02/05/2016 17:24 - United States - Fontana

Today, since I always fall asleep in class, I decided not to go to the bathroom beforehand, hoping the need to pee would keep me awake. I ended up falling asleep and wetting myself in the middle of the lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 874

You deserved it 7 275

Challenging

By firedlol - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I accidentally showed up 5 minutes late for my shift. My boss mercifully declared that I would not be fired if I called my mother and told her I love her. My mom died 11 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 521

You deserved it 330

By anonymous - 02/04/2016 04:11 - United States - Westminster

Today, my sister still refuses to pay back all the money she owes me because she once bought me something from the dollar menu at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 029

You deserved it 1 704

Cyrano

By yeueid - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Estonia

Today, I found out that whenever I text my boyfriend something cute, he texts his friends and asks what to say in his reply. Basically, I've been talking to his friends all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 138

You deserved it 1 852

Tactical nuke

By not getting laid - 13/10/2013 14:38 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 317

You deserved it 94 018

By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 18/09/2018 13:30

Today, I went on a date with a guy and he kept winking at me. I thought it was really sweet until later that night he told me he had Tourette's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 564

You deserved it 359

By Anonymous - 21/10/2018 22:00 - United States - Trenton

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 307

You deserved it 255

If only…

By ActuallyDoneFor - 10/11/2018 18:30 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how two girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend said, "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he'd just said, he hesitantly added, "…if I was single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 707

You deserved it 497

By nunyabiz112 - 09/02/2016 05:02 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, after my fiancé of seven years and the father of our four kids broke up with me, saying he slept with another girl but not to worry, he thought about me the whole time and still wants to marry me one day, it turns out he's moved to another state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 602

You deserved it 2 849

nunyabiz112 tells us more.

nunyabiz112 10

Tuesday 9 February 2016 18:03

Who's to say it wouldn't have happened after marriage? And two sets of twins? Who would abort? It wasn't a bad relationship, just ended badly that's all. People divorce after ten, twelve, hell twenty years and none of them deserve it in my book. Ijs.

By Mr. E - 14/11/2018 17:30

Today, as I was teaching my 10th grade biology honors class, a student came in with a dead frog and asked if we could dissect it. He tried to toss it to me and missed, so it landed in a girl's lap. She threw up all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 931

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 00:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, just one month after giving me a bracelet with an infinity symbol on it for Christmas, my boyfriend of three years ended everything out of the blue. That was a short infinity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 130

You deserved it 2 043

By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 15:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 156

You deserved it 1 837

By Anonymous - 20/12/2015 08:25

Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 969

You deserved it 1 674

By Anna - 20/01/2019 16:00

Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 324

By sparkus - 15/12/2015 15:15

Today, while out hiking with my girlfriend, she thought it would be funny to push me down a small hill. It turned out there was a 16 foot drop at the end of it, and now my leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 749

You deserved it 1 743

By sarcasticjane - 04/12/2015 18:17 - United States - Minot

Today, even though I've been studying and working with children and adolescents for the last 14 years, I've come to find that their parents' behavior tends to be worse than their children's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 053

You deserved it 1 668

sarcasticjane tells us more.

sarcasticjane 27

Monday 7 December 2015 15:25

OP here. Thank you all for your comments and stories. They definitely made my day. I am in the psychology field. When I first started in the field, parents were more apt to work WITH their children and change behaviors in the home. It was not something that took 14 years to realize as much as it's amazing how in just 14 years the parents have changed into the "fix my child" and don't want to work on their part of the issues. Not all parents; I still have a few good ones in the group, but that day was back to back parents. Thank you all again.