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For the record i am a mechanic, but when the caliper bolt snaps on one car and a caliper is seized on another with no way to get replacement parts until next day, no amount of skill/knowledge will help. Cant pull parts out of my ass

Nice seeing you

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 634

You deserved it 1 819

By Toolmaker - 23/08/2018 15:00

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 965

You deserved it 690

Booksmarts

By sigh - 29/03/2016 04:57 - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 501

You deserved it 4 942

By tittyboomboom - 24/03/2016 13:16 - Australia

Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 979

You deserved it 2 063

By wellthisisbad - 29/02/2016 12:27 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I learned that not only am I pregnant, I'm too far along for an abortion. My husband and I originally bonded over the fact that we both hate children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 721

You deserved it 29 532

By Anonymous - 01/11/2018 15:30

Today, I woke up in a puddle of blood after 7 hours of sleep. Before going to bed, I had inserted a tampon that should've kept me dry for at least 8 hours. Apparently it doesn't work well if sleepy me forgets to take the top part of the plastic wrapping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 1 254

By 404: fuck not given - 23/11/2014 16:34 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 092

You deserved it 5 608

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 065

You deserved it 609

By RejectRaven - 29/12/2018 04:00

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 644

You deserved it 1 602

By sudoku_fiend - 13/12/2015 04:40 - United States - Millville

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 695

You deserved it 5 835

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 23:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 069

You deserved it 3 776

By jzidar24 - 22/10/2015 02:37 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, at school, I got in trouble for plagiarizing on a paper. The subject of said paper was where I see myself in ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 861

You deserved it 2 436

By PrincessOhNo - 12/12/2016 06:10 - United States - Bronx

Today, I dyed my hair back to pastel pink, which it hasn't been in over a year. It goes well with my skin and I was super excited about it so I decided to Snapchat my friend about it. Her response? "You were thinner last time your hair looked like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 973

You deserved it 1 125

Curiosity should stay at home

By Anonymous - 23/09/2015 12:43 - Malta - Santa Venera

Today, I came across the word "pegging". Not knowing what it meant, I googled it and got a very graphic explanation. Seconds later, I realised that the webpage URL actually included the sexual nature of the meaning. The IT department have logs of every page we visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 331

You deserved it 8 420

By mandosfriend - 23/10/2016 17:15 - United States - Pomona

Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 234

You deserved it 721

Bingo is serious business

By earlytermination - 06/09/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 115

You deserved it 2 473

By FuckThis - 31/08/2015 13:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 391

You deserved it 2 549

By "Marlon4136" - 14/09/2017 01:30

Today, as an usher at a beauty pageant, I was helping other patrons when a group walked past me and sat. I politely asked to see their tickets, but one of the women got angry and ripped hers up to throw the pieces in my face. Without a ticket, I had to kick her out. The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 909

You deserved it 282

Puppy Cheats at Golf

By FML Approved - 31/08/2017 03:00

You can't stay mad at that face for too long!

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 146

By meglast - 29/08/2016 16:48 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was motivated enough to run on the treadmill for the first time in a long time. The movement knocked my downstairs neighbor's ceiling fan down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 509

You deserved it 1 448

meglast tells us more.

meglast 13

Tuesday 30 August 2016 19:19

OP here. It was inconsiderate of me to use the treadmill in an upstairs apartment. Mine isn't very loud and I know the neighbor wasn't asleep, but I still should have thought of the noise. I was very embarrassed, but it is being taken care of and they weren't upset. They just asked me to move the treadmill to another room. I am a small woman-114lbs- I just thought it was funny imagining that I made the whole building shake.