The Top

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By panos016 - 15/07/2011 13:51 - United Kingdom

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 577

You deserved it 9 936

The little known stages of grief

By Anonymous - 12/06/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, for some reason my girlfriend wanted to have sex in the bathroom at a family funeral. I’m sure that’s a sin, I mean… we definitely did it, so sorry Nana, but now I feel all wrong about it and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 1 629

Those things freak me out

By Gilly - 02/09/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 505

Happy anniversary?

By Anonymous - 14/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, it was my one-year anniversary with my girlfriend, but instead of celebrating, we had to attend a family funeral with a bunch of people who "don't agree with our lifestyle." To make matters worse, I received my first ticket on the way there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 600

You deserved it 3 191

Better safe than baby

By Anonymous - 10/06/2022 12:00

Today, my boyfriend thinks it’s going so well, we have marriage potential, so before we get any more serious he wanted a promise that I will never want children, and if I think there’s ever a chance I might, tell him soon because we’ll have to split up before we waste each other’s time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 869

Slowly walking down the hall

By Rayray - 17/02/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I was walking down the hallway at work when I saw a coworker I hadn't talked to in a while. I went for a high-five as a friendly greeting, but she didn’t see me coming and instead awkwardly grabbed my hand like she was about to hold it. We both froze for a second, and then awkwardly sighed and practically ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 317

Bootlickers

By Starving Student - 17/05/2012 03:42 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 246

You deserved it 29 099

By GlassJAwkidE - 29/10/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I learned there is a taste difference between grabbing a glass of milk that has been sitting on your night table for a week and the one you put on there 3 minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 046

You deserved it 64 399

Barfed out

By superbubbles - 23/03/2021 21:30 - Canada

Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 150

FOMO

By Anonymous - 05/09/2023 16:00

Today, I learned that my friend had parties all summer without me. I wasn't even invited once. Why ? Because I didn't send a message. My bad, I didn't know I could've have sent a message to attend parties I didn't know were happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 175

By SaggyBoy135 - 12/07/2011 12:19 - United States

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 957

You deserved it 3 589

Size zero

By Hannah - 27/03/2021 05:01

Today, I have been trying for 5 days to gain weight. Which for me, requires stuffing myself to the point of exploding. I haven’t slept in days because I'm constantly digesting food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 286

The stench

By Anonymous - 17/05/2022 14:00

Today, my mom is on vacation and I’m taking care of her pets. I also get to clean the entire house. No, she didn’t ask me to do that. It’s just that I had to hold my breath every time I opened the fridge, and there is no surface clean enough to actually touch, so I simply couldn’t help myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 166

Golden

By me. - 14/06/2014 15:28 - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out that the guy who asked me out only did so because he thought I "looked rich." He broke everything off once he found out I live in a one-bedroom apartment and drive a 14-year old Volvo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 987

You deserved it 4 678

Jumbled up

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 06:00 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I still haven't met my SO’s traditional Indian parents, even though we have been together for 3 years, they just pretend I don’t exist. Today I also found out that my SO’s mom has cancer. I'm trying to be there for him, but he keeps pushing me away. He literally said he doesn’t know about our relationship now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 07/07/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 511

You deserved it 30 673

Stinky

By ytho - 05/04/2021 08:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my natural body odor has gotten so bad that despite wearing 20 swipes of men’s deodorant under each armpit and taking three showers a day with an entire bottle of body wash, I still smell like a cross between onions and hot garbage. I’m a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 200

Dramatic Entrance Fail

By FML Approved - 01/08/2017 03:28

It's not easy being cheesy...

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 210

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 02:00

Today, nothing changed. Today was the same, and I feel like I'm in a dark comedy version of the movie Groundhog Day meets The Truman Show. I hate dark comedies. I want my life to be canceled… I mean, this movie to be canceled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 240

Sounds like a win, somehow

By George - 17/09/2023 14:00

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to shrimp, when I went out for a lunch with my long-term crush after I finally got the courage to ask her out. She's really into seafood. A little while into the afternoon I started to feel itchy. She ended up scratching my back all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 143

Soggy mess

By Baffled - 04/03/2025 12:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my wife went and bought a set of fancy, expensive towels and threw all our old towels away. These new towels don't dry. I've been rubbing myself for ten minutes and I'm still wet. How did she buy expensive, broken towels? How do you make a towel that doesn't dry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 92

By omfgfmlife - 05/07/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 338

You deserved it 3 075

As a treat

By CrumblGirl - 06/03/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 149

Good timing

By Business Mom - 09/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was on a Zoom call with my boss and a client, discussing a new project. My toddler burst into the room and screamed, “Mommy, I shitted in the bathtub!” The camera was on, and I just froze, while my boss tried to hold in his laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 158

For Those About to Rock…

By ljajjanaa - 04/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had to politely request that my floormate not blast heavy metal music at 4 a.m. His response? "It’s the weekend," followed by him slamming the door in my face and turning the music up. I work weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 105

Kill it with fire

By Anonymous - 31/05/2022 06:00 - Germany - Moormerland

Today, my dad reactivated a digital clock we had lying around, and accidentally set an alarm on it. For 1 a.m.. So guess who went hunting for that noise in the middle of night. And guess who banished the thing to the living room, then forgot about it, and slept on the sofa in said living room. Or tried to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 231

By cc13799 - 28/05/2014 00:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my allergies are so bad that it's affected the way my voice sounds. It's so bad my mom has taken to calling me Aflac because I sound like the duck in the commercials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 545

You deserved it 4 392

By maimay234 - 03/09/2010 21:37 - United States

Today, I learned that if you don't wrap your hair around a bristled curling iron the correct way, you end up getting it stuck, not to mention frying it. Three inches of my hair is now in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 114

You deserved it 14 333

maimay234 tells us more.

maimay234 0

Sunday 5 September 2010 0:23

By the way, it was my first time using a bristled curling iron. I thought if you just rolled it up like a regular one, it would come right out. Looks like that didn't quite work out, judging from my hair cut. I thought I just unrolled it the wrong way so I spent 5 minutes trying to roll it out. Then I yanked the plug and started burning my fingers trying to get the hair out. Yes it smelled. Yes I know it was stupid of me to try it out hot the first time. But hey, we all have senior moments, right?

You must be up to something

By Anonymous - 01/07/2022 00:00

Today, my stepmom accused me of creeping around, acting sneaky, and maybe even planning to kill her in her sleep because I’m "still angry at my dad divorcing my mom and marrying her." All I did was get up at 2 a.m. for a pee at coincidentally the same time as she was going outside for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 88

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 887

You deserved it 2 669

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 201

You deserved it 10 115

Random

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 967

You deserved it 4 960

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 574

You deserved it 5 215

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 688

You deserved it 16 668

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 449

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 687

You deserved it 75 267

Today, I got an email from the person I'm supposed to start an internship with next week, saying they're leaving the company. This has been planned since October and will be a year long. Now I have to try to sort things out as quickly as possible if I want to graduate on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 115