The Top

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Parklife!

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 209

Nearly there

By sally - 25/01/2014 17:42 - United States - Augusta

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 865

You deserved it 9 508

By peteswentzbass - 26/01/2013 17:18 - Netherlands - Nuenen

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 064

You deserved it 3 414

By anonymous - 18/02/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 700

You deserved it 26 153

By applebearcat - 05/09/2009 05:59 - Malaysia

Today, my dad bought me a new laptop for my birthday. That's because he wants to use my old laptop for work, which is more expensive, has better specs, runs faster, and has a wider screen than my new computer. I just got a downgraded laptop as my birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 515

You deserved it 3 719

applebearcat tells us more.

applebearcat 0

Saturday 5 September 2009 16:35

I got that laptop when i went to college at a different state. I needed it to do coursework :p

Golden child

By Anonymous - 26/09/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, my mom, dad, and little brother all adore my boyfriend, and treat him like a son. When he’s here, he gets more family love than I do. I’ve wanted to dump him for weeks because we’re really not working out, but I know that if I do my entire family will pitch a fit, and bug me to take him back FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 238

Classic

By KDH - 26/01/2024 09:00 - United States - Santa Monica

Today, I went on a blind date and mistook someone else at the restaurant for my date. We had a great conversation… until the real blind date arrived. The look on both their faces was priceless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 133

By no tp - 15/02/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 817

You deserved it 8 342

By stickyhair - 18/04/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 978

You deserved it 3 308

Need beer now

By Jensen - 16/07/2021 14:01 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, I went kayaking with some friends, and I had an empty beer can dedicated to throwing cigarette butts in. After running out of beer, I took a big swig from the only can in my kayak. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 1 464

Childhood trauma

By Anonymous - 27/09/2022 13:00

Today, before watching the new Pinocchio, we decided to watch the cartoon one from the 1940’s. Turns out, when I was a kid, the scene where the evil Coachman’s face turns demonic traumatised me. I’d forgotten until I saw the face again. I’m 56 years-old but I froze up and peed myself in my armchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 300

Thirst trap

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 940

You deserved it 4 284

The matchmaker

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 07:30

Today, my mom has been aggressively trying to get me to marry one of her coworkers, who is around my age. Apparently she loves her like the daughter she always wanted, and since it would be silly to adopt her; she is determined she will be her daughter-in-law instead, whether I like it or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 20/01/2013 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me all about how his parents sat him down last night and had a 20 minute talk with him about how I'm the biggest mistake he'll ever make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 089

You deserved it 3 991

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 829

You deserved it 6 636

Leg day

By NervousDog - 06/08/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, at work, I dropped a dried giant millipede specimen. Horrible little legs went everywhere. Now I need to glue it back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 120

Fear factor

By I need new friends - 11/10/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I told my friends that I have haphephobia, the fear of being touched. One of them said, "Why don't you try facing your fears?" and they all held me down and tickled me until they realized my pleas for them to stop were actually genuine when I stopped laughing and started crying… which took several minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 168

By Beva - 17/01/2013 05:03 - Sweden - Falköping

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 104

You deserved it 2 406

By mylifesucks - 30/08/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 43

Snitched

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 22:00

Today, I caught a grubby, evil-smelling, foul-mouthed woman blatantly shoplifting by stuffing electronics into her coat pockets, so I detained her and called the police. Less than an hour later I was fired. She was the shop owner's mother and “had permission” to just take stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 117

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 13/08/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out my “friend” runs several incredibly racist and homophobic Christian nationalist social media blogs. That’s really funny considering that I, a black woman, have been in a relationship with her AND her husband for nearly five years now and wasn’t told any of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 196

Make yourself at home

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 157

You deserved it 2 508

Promises, promises

By Anonymous - 16/08/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling frisky so I promised my husband he’d get some at bedtime. He promised not to hold his breath. When I asked what he meant, he told me it’s been 83 days since our last shag, and in that time we almost had sex 16 times, only for me to change my mind, hence not holding his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 840

By give me an F - 05/01/2014 16:16 - United Kingdom - Corby

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 696

You deserved it 37 551

Figure it out

By brosef - 17/02/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I'm a guy who's always been physically a late bloomer. In high school, I looked too young for girls to like me. At 22, I still looked 17. Now at 25, I look good but when girls find out my age, they expect me to have everything figured out by now. I never got to be young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 227

Classic been there, done that

By Anonymous - 20/08/2025 22:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, in a state of severe depression and fearing I might do the worst, I called my local suicide helpline. I was put on hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 94

By AvengedSevenX - 03/02/2012 15:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 033

You deserved it 25 744

By steakysteak - 12/03/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 225

You deserved it 2 500

Failure

By technologyfail - 26/08/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer, as well as all the emails from my long-distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job, and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 949

You deserved it 51 087

Moral panic of the day

By I don't even like Roblox - 22/08/2025 09:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I came home to my frantic mom boxing up all the family electronics. She'd heard about the Roblox lawsuit and is now convinced that every inch of the internet is crawling with pedophiles. Now my two little brothers are throwing earsplitting tantrums and I have no way to drown them out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 85

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The Top

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 305

Today, I was at the airport, on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was four years-old. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to fuck off. The strange man was my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 228

You deserved it 4 218

Random

Today, I’m french and am studying in Japan. One of my teachers, passionate about France, opened a magazine about French bread and asked me if it tasted good. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 124

Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 307

You deserved it 8 787

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 058

You deserved it 532

Today, my ex dumped a couple cans of smoked oysters, tuna, and canned salmon down the vent to my floor heater. She won’t admit to it, just smirked when I confronted her. I have no way to prove she did it and my house smells so bad I can’t stand to be in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 128

Today, my OnlyFans account got deactivated, and no one will give me a reason as to why. There goes $200… FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 333

Today, my fiance finally began seeing a therapist, after months of my begging him to. The therapist convinced him that he and I had "irreconcilable differences" so now he's asked for the ring back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 229