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By ChocoMilkManG - 03/07/2009 01:37 - United States

Today, I found some Nesquick Chocolate Milk mix in my pantry which sounded good. While making a glass, I got angry because not all of the mix would disolve. Frustrated, I downed the drink. When I finished I looked in the glass and realized the mix that wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 293

You deserved it 18 013

Unfair dismissal

By Feijoo - 16/12/2021 11:01

Today, while working at the store, a lady grabbed a bunch of T-shirts and started talking on the phone. She then walked out the store with them. I ran after her, and she sprays me with mace telling me to not interrupt her while on the phone. My eyes burned for hours. Oh, and I was fired because of the huge loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 22:38 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 516

You deserved it 39 057

By Anonymous - 04/10/2012 18:10 - United States - Omaha

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 360

You deserved it 2 380

By be_so_slick_56 - 16/01/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 203

You deserved it 7 843

Let down

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 23:01 - United States

Today, I visited a friend out of state. We've been flirting for months and decided to fool around at night. He was very loving and attentive, but... he'd bragged about his dick being 6 inches and it ended up being not only thin, but very short. So thin and short that I couldn't really feel it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 393

Boosted

By Shelbs - 05/11/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 508

You deserved it 3 829

By Hungryman - 15/01/2010 21:30 - France

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 438

You deserved it 8 268

Stop being selfish

By Steph - 27/11/2021 16:59

Today, I live in a country where a new variant of COVID has been found and we have to go through all this garbage again, all because some people believe that vaccines are in violation of their rights and that it's their right to risk all of our lives and livelihoods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 629

Disrespectful to the max

By SorryUncleTommy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 711

You deserved it 7 163

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 876

You deserved it 21 675

By Aldoch - 30/05/2012 22:41

Today, my daughter is still acting out her teenage issues. This morning, when I told her to, "Have a nice day" she screamed at me, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 088

You deserved it 4 850

Childish but effective

By unhappy wifey - 28/09/2012 06:09 - United States - Portland

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 462

You deserved it 4 031

By Dani - 12/01/2010 21:51 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car and called AAA. He got out to take a look at my car, and he locked himself out of his own car with his tools inside. It took us 40 minutes with a screwdriver and stick to unlock his car and 40 seconds to unlock mine after. Nine hours later, I found my extra key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 543

You deserved it 6 067

Awks

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 21:23 - United States - Plaquemine

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 006

You deserved it 3 513

Malfunctioning equipment

By Alyxandrea Loffer - 24/09/2020 08:02 - United States - Ellsworth

Today, at work, my front-close bra popped open like an anime character, right in front of the two male coworkers I was talking to. My boobs flung around and I had to pretend nothing happened while subtly crossing my arms and waiting for them to leave so I could fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 312

Jesus wept

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 02:01

Today, my mom threatened to kick me out for asking if I could skip church for the next few weeks, because, you know, I have Covid and have been told to isolate for ten days, which obviously includes two Sundays. The woman would rather I infect her congregation than let me stay in bed while sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 149

By WaltTheFuckDad - 01/09/2013 23:06 - United States - Salida

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 407

You deserved it 3 611

Gig economy

By Doordean - 13/03/2023 12:00

Today, the dean of the university I go to delivered a DoorDash order to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 144

By faulty plumbimg! - 31/08/2013 12:14 - India

Today, I got my period two days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 159

You deserved it 4 131

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 537

You deserved it 5 872

By KP - 25/06/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 140

You deserved it 3 098

By creeped_out_ - 24/06/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 896

You deserved it 13 547

Mortified

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 08:08 - United States - Joplin

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 285

By Anonymous - 27/08/2013 18:39 - United States - East Northport

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 003

You deserved it 5 212

What do I get?

By kirassi919 - 20/09/2012 16:50 - United States - North Wales

Today, I helped my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 210

You deserved it 2 271

By rollerSWEETness - 03/06/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 843

You deserved it 15 857

Work husband

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 15:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 433

You deserved it 14 995

Crushed

By annonymous - 19/09/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 367

You deserved it 2 717

By fuglyphotographer - 23/10/2011 18:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I uploaded my latest picture onto a photography website. It only got one comment, and even that was from someone advising me to never use the same hideous model ever again. It was a self-portrait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 244

You deserved it 4 685

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The Top

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 166

You deserved it 2 166

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 462

You deserved it 10 206

Today, I engaged in a healthy round of rebound sex to get over my ex, who was very controlling of my body. During the act, Mr. Rebound said my nipples looked like pepperoni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 759

You deserved it 1 331

Today, I've been binge-watching a certain Twitch/YouTube streamer. I love his political insights, but I've noticed he keeps saying, "On accident." It grinds my gears so much, I had to go outside and listen to birds chirping instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 595

Today, police barged into my apartment for a drug raid, but they had the wrong address. They came in while I was naked on my couch and didn't even apologize for breaking my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 83

Today, I told my date she'd look hot as a blonde. She replied saying I'd be hot with a few extra inches. Furious, I yelled at her that I couldn't control my height. She replied that she "wasn't referring to my height." FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 018