The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Friends

By Anonymous - 17/02/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 684

You deserved it 2 632

By Jules - 21/02/2011 07:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said I look too ugly when I cry to do it seriously in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 106

You deserved it 4 833

Baby baby baby

By smoochie - 01/08/2009 21:37

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 072

You deserved it 23 381

Honesty is the best policy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 1 292

Alexa, play "Don't Go" by Yazoo

By nexus - 21/09/2021 20:00 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend is on her period. She hugged me, crying because she was going to miss me. Where was I going? To the store down the street and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 173

Gender bender

By Anonymous - 14/12/2022 21:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, on my first day as a middle school substitute teacher, the class I was in had blue passes for boys and red passes for girls. The kid in the front row raised a number two for the bathroom, so I handed her a red pass, only for him to brush his hair back and say, "I'm a boy." The whole class laughed and called him "Babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 301

By s3xygrandpa - 06/11/2013 19:09 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 5 136

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 21:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with "hot teen lesbians" for the past several months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 459

You deserved it 6 320

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 08:05 - Poland

Today, I was at the Polish border when I found my passport was gone. I contacted the last place I stayed at and the owner said he would handle it. I reluctantly agreed as I was being charged international rates. Apparently, "taking care of it" means telling the embassy I'm retarded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 563

You deserved it 6 378

Junk food

By Diabeetus - 18/12/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, it's been a year since my mom was diagnosed as being borderline diabetic. Since then, she has been giving all her unhealthy foods to me. With all due respect Mom, I don't plan on becoming diabetic myself any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 155

Crawling

By mojolady - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 031

You deserved it 12 613

By f__k_it - 18/01/2009 16:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 002

You deserved it 42 253

Here, my dear

By Dj sMoZ! - 15/02/2011 15:30

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 488

You deserved it 43 626

Ralph and Huey

By justmyluck - 12/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 756

You deserved it 4 921

By snowbunny - 12/02/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 352

You deserved it 31 553

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 14:07

Today, I had people coming over to buy some chairs from me. I took a screenshot of their profile because I was home alone, and watch enough ID to be cautious. I thought I'd sent it to my fiancé. I'd sent it to them instead. Now my anxiety is through the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 1 302

By jesterinperil - 16/02/2015 22:38 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner for my mom's birthday. I'd planned for a nice restaurant which is always packed, so I'd called for a reservation. When we got there, the hostess tried to turn us down because no one ever takes their mother out to dinner anymore, and that I was a fraud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 968

You deserved it 2 345

jesterinperil tells us more.

jesterinperil 28

Wednesday 25 February 2015 23:10

OP here. We eventually got into the restaurant with our original reservations, after contacting management. My mother and I tried to not let the hostess spoil the night. The rest of the staff was wonderful and I don't think we'll be seeing much more of that hostess for a long time.

By Mers - 10/02/2010 14:32 - United States

Today, my dad tried to convince my mother to stay with him. "Think of all the great times we've had," he said and started naming off quite a few. Too bad none of them were about the three kids they had together, all were vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 345

You deserved it 4 292

Mers tells us more.

Mers 0

Saturday 13 February 2010 4:17

Well, after my parents got married, my dad's dad convinced my dad that my mom was a gold digger and so they divorced when I was one year old and had my brothers three years later. They've lived together the past 16 years as a divorced couple and have fought constantly. My dad forced my mom to go thousands of dollars into debt because he wouldn't give her any money for a year. During that time my mom couldn't get a job anywhere and she had to buy groceries for us three and her two kids from before the failed marriage. My brothers and I live with my mom now and it's much better without him trying to control us.

By Fmycatslife - 26/07/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 904

You deserved it 78 271

Free Parking!

By Superman - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Bellflower

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 483

You deserved it 1 955

By Jen - 11/02/2011 09:02

Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 926

You deserved it 6 360

By kingmetal42 - 09/02/2010 19:10 - France

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 991

You deserved it 27 903

By ren - 13/01/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, I went to work only to serve one table, make a $9.00 tip, get sent home because it was slow, have the city busses stop running because of weather, and have to pay a $20 cab fare to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 445

You deserved it 1 971

The road to hell, good intentions, all that jazz

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 05:01

Today, in the process of leaning over the sink to close the drain so my diamond earrings wouldn't fall in as I put them on, I dropped my diamond earring down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 754

By StrawHatBill - 13/02/2015 14:54 - United States

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 8 385

I'm not paid enough for this shit

By geoduck - 10/02/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 4 682

By hugs511 - 25/07/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 701

You deserved it 3 169

Gun nuts

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Hayward

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me, "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 408

You deserved it 3 042

By Anonymous - 02/01/2009 04:34 - France

Today, I marked 600 emails in my gmail inbox as spam and it will take me hours to go through and unmark them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 101

You deserved it 27 926

Payday

By Jasmine - 14/07/2020 17:01

Today, I got fired during my maternity leave for requesting my unpaid wages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 102

You deserved it 130

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Cars Transportation Weird Work Miscellaneous Relatable Fire Love Awkward Kids Cleaning Gross Housework Anxiety Health Mental health Friends Birthday School Education Lonely Sleep Parents Exhausted ADHD Job interview Ironic Moving home Jealousy NSFW

The Top

The Top

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 235

You deserved it 1 618

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 512

You deserved it 6 710

Today, I found out that one of my best mates had his backpack, clothes, and everything else in it stolen at an airport overseas. I was feeling sorry for him all day. It took me 9 hours to remember that I actually loaned him my backpack for his trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 942

You deserved it 7 321

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 823

You deserved it 4 112

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 308

You deserved it 56 087

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 152