The Top

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By FML Approved - 13/07/2017 18:30

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 149

By Lame - 10/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 953

You deserved it 6 799

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 498

You deserved it 5 851

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Spicy

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 462

You deserved it 9 807

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 017

You deserved it 3 016

By ifyouseekmylife - 25/10/2009 15:44 - United States

Today, my son told me he lost the envelope with all the money he earned selling Cub Scout popcorn. The popcorn was delivered already, and the money needs to be turned in to the pack leader tonight. I just spent $220 on popcorn my neighbors are eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 628

You deserved it 5 642

That was quick

By dumbdad - 08/09/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4 a.m. to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 696

You deserved it 3 298

iPod Classic, 7th Gen, 160 Go, the best ever

By abdominates - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and iPod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 427

You deserved it 3 322

Paper back writer

By Kim - 10/04/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back, the only positive comment on the paper was, "Well, I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 908

You deserved it 5 262

Catcaller on a bike!

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 05:01 - India - Hosur

Spicy

Today, a man on a bike was so preoccupied with making lewd comments about another girl's behind that he drove straight into mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 110

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 12:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I discovered that in addition to being an autistic HSP, I also suffer from misophonia, hyperacusis, and tinnitus. My audiologist has described me as having, "the worst case of abnormally sensitive hearing she has ever seen in her life." I rarely leave my house anymore. I wish I was deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 129

Denied!

By Anonymous - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got cock-blocked by the laundry. My boyfriend was the one who wanted to do laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 307

You deserved it 4 790

Love is hell

By singlepringle - 07/04/2021 10:57 - United States

Today, I was having a chuckle at the girl who used to torment me since she’s on her fourth marriage. Then I realized she’s gotten four handsome, rich men to marry her, while I’m still hopelessly single and haven’t had a boyfriend since high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 386

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 11:44 - United States

Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 918

You deserved it 2 481

I am the passenger

By jreed509 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while riding a roller coaster, I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough, it somehow managed to survive and fall down my shirt. It crawled around and stung me a few times before the ride ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 237

You deserved it 4 167

By CharlieOrion - 04/05/2012 12:25 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, the school nurse called me in. She said she knew I was pregnant and she was worried about how it was affecting my grades. I'm not pregnant. Apparently I'm just stupid and fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 354

You deserved it 5 791

CharlieOrion tells us more.

CharlieOrion 7

Friday 4 May 2012 22:21

Hey, I'm OP- and I'm really not that fat! I've just gained weight quickly, cause I'm stressed about exams... This didn't really help much!

By annoyedwithkids - 02/07/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I was baby sitting ten year old twins. When they first saw me, they ran away screaming and hid in the closet. This isn't the first house where this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 656

You deserved it 5 400

By Buzzie - 02/09/2010 21:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 672

You deserved it 14 419

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 02:00

Today, I dumped my girlfriend because she frequently wouldn't answer my texts or phone calls, and not call or message back for days. I felt that bringing it up made me a control freak. I couldn't take it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 352

By skiergal98 - 18/08/2019 02:00

Today, I found out why I haven't been getting my bank statements for the past couple of months. My parents have been hiding them from me, because they've been stealing from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 265

You deserved it 166

Indeed

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 21:30

Spicy

Today, my mother suffered a stroke and had to be hospitalized. In order to drive him to the hospital, I actually had to find my father, who never answers any phone calls or messages and is rarely home. I found out on the spot that he was cheating on my mother. What an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 87

By weezel - 31/08/2010 13:13 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 304

You deserved it 54 266

Nice try, loverboy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 710

You deserved it 64 646

We all do it. Don't we?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 07:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 098

You deserved it 13 776

Foot in mouth

By oopsjsp90 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I told a lady that came into my clothing store that I thought her abstract looking necklace was pretty. She responded, "Oh… That's actually a pipe that goes into my lung." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 464

You deserved it 8 687

Nice guy

By Guineapig98 - 03/10/2023 10:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 5 years when he was going to propose to me because I wasn’t getting any younger. He responded with, “Well, ask yourself are you getting any skinnier? I need a trophy wife, you know?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 367

By soakedga - 08/04/2013 16:56 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 635

You deserved it 4 285

soakedga tells us more.

soakedga 3

Wednesday 10 April 2013 21:02

OP here- yeah I did wrap up in a sheet. No extra uniforms that I could get to- they were all locked in the GM's office. And I'm a woman small enough to be pulled into the pool by a cleaning robot. Oh- there was a camera that I managed to avoid for the most part, but my boss did get a kick out of seeing me trying not to let the sheet fall while I shoved my clothes in the dryer.

By anyoi - 25/04/2012 22:43 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 357

You deserved it 3 445

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 1 449

By dumpedandstranded - 15/10/2009 20:19

Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic attack on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 885

You deserved it 5 227

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The Top

The Top

Today, I got called for a job that I applied to 2 months ago, just to ask me if I had an older brother that could work for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 824

You deserved it 816

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 368

You deserved it 18 658

Today, I called my boyfriend to have a shoulder to cry on because my grandpa died. As soon as I told him, he started crying and telling me how much he missed his grandmother, who died six years ago. I spent the majority of the phone call listening to him wail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 611

You deserved it 6 009

Today, my girlfriend left me for her boss. The same boss who, two weeks ago, caused her to come to me crying because he was sexually harassing her at work. When I told her I'd intervene, she told me she'd handle it. I guess she certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 745

You deserved it 2 474

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 804

You deserved it 7 530

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by showing up at his place unannounced with some take-out food. I got there just in time to see him leave his block of flats with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 122