By FML Approved - 13/07/2017 18:30 I agree, your life sucks 513 You deserved it 149 Share Tweet Share
Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML I agree, your life sucks 7 848 You deserved it 60 836
Today, at a restaurant, I was joking around trying to make my friend laugh by pretending to be a ninja. I did this by putting my napkin in front of my face. I happened to look over at another table and saw that a lady wearing a burqa was giving me the most evil glare I have ever seen in my life. FML I agree, your life sucks 28 736 You deserved it 21 389
Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML I agree, your life sucks 36 694 You deserved it 4 046
Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML I agree, your life sucks 57 279 You deserved it 6 394
Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML I agree, your life sucks 10 441 You deserved it 65 999
Today, I got the flu so I needed a sick note. The local doctor’s office has a sign outside saying, “DON’T come in if you’re contagious.” They are also completely unreachable by phone. Sooo, I guess I’ll… send a pigeon? FML I agree, your life sucks 865 You deserved it 108
Those aren’t the droids I’m looking for.