Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news....

By Anonymous - 07/01/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 430

You deserved it 4 410

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Same thing different taste

By captainuniverse - 14/05/2016 05:53 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 128

You deserved it 1 292

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 049

You deserved it 260

By Tweety - 09/04/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 916

You deserved it 8 518

By baron - 01/06/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 736

You deserved it 7 583

In this economy?

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 187

Double Impact

By Zoogangcapk - 01/01/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 10 264

By DumbFace714 - 14/02/2015 01:43 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 906

You deserved it 2 826

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 808

You deserved it 79 118

Planned parenthood

By KittenTitz - 03/05/2020 20:00

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 667

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 784

You deserved it 3 666

bobbycorwen 5

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:43

That's great news for in the long run! For now, no. I am sorry she's a cheating *****. :(

kjcamaro3 5

Saturday 7 January 2012 7:42

No diaper changing for you...more good news!!!

Comments

Lis_Sal 3

Sunday 8 January 2012 1:31

Well, it may be relatively good news if you don't want children but it could very well be the worst news in the entire world....

cassidy0922 6

Sunday 8 January 2012 2:59

Shouldn't that be the other way around???

upsidedownfrownn 5

Sunday 8 January 2012 3:14

Shouldn't that be the other way around. Lol?

hartbrakingslut 0

Sunday 8 January 2012 3:28

Daaaaaaamn! That's ******* cold blooded

Flesheatinmonkey 3

Sunday 8 January 2012 3:30

Little mixed up she is

lemonsquid 6

Sunday 8 January 2012 4:49

that sucks

moxie0dae 4

Sunday 8 January 2012 5:13

Did she keep her condoms in her car?

Beareyouseae 3

Sunday 8 January 2012 6:00

That's great, you can **** her a few more times without worrying about getting her knocked up, and then send that bitch packing far far away.

codymac55 0

Sunday 8 January 2012 7:06

Ummm pretty sure ur good and bad are mixed up morally.

MissTimeLord 3

Sunday 8 January 2012 17:34

Um...key word "probably"

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The Top

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 002

You deserved it 71 816

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 155

Today, as my date and I were climbing into bed, she casually mentioned she’s never had an anonymous one night stand before. We work in the same office; that’s where we met. Apparently, I was always under her radar, and she assumed I was a customer instead of her coworker of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 234

Today, my dad introduced me as his pet orangutan. I'm a redhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 604

You deserved it 2 694

Today, I came home from work to pet-sit 2 dogs and 3 cats, only to find the dispenser for the cat food empty. I'd filled the dispenser yesterday and thought I'd placed it where the dogs couldn't reach it after I left for work. The Labrador could in fact reach, and a week's worth of cat food is now in her stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 198

Today, to punish my wife for disrespecting me in front of my friends, I told her I wasn't going to help with the baby tonight. When I woke up, she and my baby were gone with nothing more than a text saying she was speaking to a divorce lawyer. Over one night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 1 535