Sex

Catching up

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 23:01

Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 283

Creepypasta

By CSU Ramming - 22/10/2021 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 233

You deserved it 296

Slicy slicy

By ChloeLuvzAnime - 30/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 288

Perfect life

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 10:00

Today, I seemingly have the perfect life. A clean house, a car, two well behaved kids, and stability in every way. I'm also quite good looking, with a good body and health. It's like out of a sitcom/postcard. The only catch is that my husband has literally zero libido and won't have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 383

Creepy

By WadStakk - 08/10/2021 23:00

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old daughter, who always acts so sweet, is antagonizing a 24 year-old woman via social media regarding her boyfriend, whom my daughter is *likely* having sex with. I thought she was the purest sweetest thing and she always has a believable excuse for times unaccounted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 625

Conspiratorial under the sheets

By Anonymous - 29/11/2022 22:00

Today, I hooked up with a man for the first time since my divorce. The sex was mind-blowing. His pillow talk then began with something like, “A cabal of Hollywood celebrities and political insiders want to rape your children…” I’m so dry now, I think I hit menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 397

Unsettling

By life of cuck, never good enough - 05/10/2024 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, not only have I been cheated on in every relationship until where I am right now, I learned my current wife is fucking a guy 15 years younger than us. When we were both his age and post-grad, she turned me down several times. She didn't give me a chance until five years ago when she "wanted to settle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 225

Get on with it

By KaRaSu - 22/11/2008 12:24 - France

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 966

You deserved it 7 125

A touching Christmas tale

By Anonymous - 24/12/2022 00:00

Today, I brought my girlfriend back to my place, but my abusive, homeless dad, who I haven’t spoken to in a year, had broken in to have sex with some woman in my front room, before both passing out on heroin. My girlfriend saw my dad's penis and drug stuff, and left me to clean him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 265

Just… why?

By Ob3nie - 14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a FaceTime. Busted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 672

You deserved it 54 221

Talk tonight

By Anonymous - 22/09/2022 15:30 - South Africa - Bryanston

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the second time. He's really nice, but he's terrible in bed. He busted a nut 3 times before I could orgasm once, and he can't finger to make up for it. His foreplay is trash. I'm starting to lose feelings for him because of the lack of sexual satisfaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 893

Manipulation

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 17:01

Today, I found books on the Catholicism in my son's room. Switching faiths can be a big deal, so I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Turns out he was just doing research to aid his goal of seducing and screwing the hot Catholic girl in his university class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 416

I did your mom

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 16:01

Today, I foolishly asked my dad why he had a disability rail fitted, not in his bathroom next to the toilet, but above his bed instead. He told me that with his bad joints, he needs something to grab onto on Saturday nights while he’s plowing my mom doggy style. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 1 594

Mood ruiner

By RuinedTheMood - 21/09/2014 05:11 - United States - Tomball

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said, "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded, "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 023

You deserved it 13 516

Nervous nelly

By Anonymous - 15/04/2020 05:00

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 649

You deserved it 381

Man's best friend

By jess - 02/07/2025 03:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, my boyfriend was breaking up with me because he felt his needs were not met. I asked what I could do to change his mind. He said, "Suck my dick, right now." It got me more turned on than I thought possible. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 568

A teachable moment

By rickshaw rider - 28/05/2021 00:01

Today, I caught my son and my wife’s daughter “experimenting” with each other’s privates. They’re not blood related and they are teenagers, so it’s maybe not too bad, but they’ve been raised together since they were roughly about 5 years-old, so it’s still too weird to really understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 228

You'll get some eventually

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 10:59 - China

Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 408

Some salt for that wound?

By Luissa - 03/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my ex-husband’s new girlfriend stopped by the pharmacy I work at, checked out at my lane, and had me ring up her condoms. She kept bragging about how she’s gonna have “nasty freaky sex” with my ex all night long while I work at a “miserable pharmacy.” I burst into tears while she laughed and waltzed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 175

Unreasonable

By Crazy Crazy Crazy - 13/09/2013 00:01 - Canada - Burlington

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding, because she found out I had sex with another woman. Three years before we even met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 288

You deserved it 8 009

Rules and regulations

By backseatbusted - 21/05/2013 16:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 920

You deserved it 13 038

Oddly specific

By Anonymous - 27/06/2022 04:00

Today, I overheard my girlfriend admit to her sister she likes sex in the dark not because she’s embarrassed of her body, but because she’s disgusted by mine. She loves me, enjoys sex with me, and wants to make me happy, but apparently my tattoos and hairy chest are a turn off, so no lights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 445

Out of my league

By Bibel_Boy_1993 - 18/11/2022 15:00 - Israel

Today, an attractive woman on a bus told my girlfriend I was good looking and that she was a lucky woman. She immediately took me home, shagged me vigorously, cried, and then broke up with me because, “It’s not you, it’s me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 201

Kids grow up so fast

By bella - 08/12/2013 01:07 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them, telling them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed because I "haven't gotten laid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 291

You deserved it 5 152

Dad of the day

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is disappointed in me because I came to him for advice on how I should tell my girlfriend I don’t feel ready for sex yet. He just looked at me, shook his head, and walked away. Later he sent my mom to ask me if I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 457

So generous

By noway - 10/08/2011 17:47 - Singapore

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 206

You deserved it 7 117

I'm Anna

By NoMoreTrumpetBlowing - 14/08/2013 16:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 321

You deserved it 9 050

J'ACCUSE!

By hurtswhenipee3 - 11/01/2023 16:00

Today, I got a urinary tract infection. I didn’t realize men could get those. Worse yet, my girlfriend thinks it’s an STI because, “IF I’M NOT FUCKING YOU, SOMEONE MUST BE!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 217

In training

By Anonymous - 13/12/2023 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 204

Bruh…

By ... - 06/06/2011 07:44 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 807

You deserved it 6 724

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 952

You deserved it 4 232

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 501

You deserved it 8 813

Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 266

You deserved it 5 856

Today, Walmart was out of quart milk jugs except for one. When I went to grab it, I had to practically climb into the fridge. My boobs got stuck on the shelf on the way out, and it took a solid two minutes to wiggle my way free. I had an audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 840

You deserved it 1 035

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 416

You deserved it 5 676

Today, I thought a cute guy was checking out my ass, so I cheekily bent over a little to give him an eyeful. He walked over to a shop assistant, pointed at me and left. The assistant then informed me, “Miss, you’ve torn your trousers, your knickers are visible, and, um, apparently you have a skid mark.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 1 259