soon to have a fist shaped hole in my ass · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Cornwall, Canada

Mr Heckles

Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a loud fight, well past midnight while I was trying to sleep. I stood on my bed and pounded on the ceiling to shut them up. And now I'll have to explain the two fist-shaped holes in the ceiling to my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 266 You deserved it 8 874

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Hygiene police

Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 258 You deserved it 17 178

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Anonymous · 26 January 2026, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Cranking it

Today, I was rushing around like a lunatic trying to get my shit together and knocked on my son's door a few times. The fourth time I did it, he shouted at me to just fuck off already because he’s trying to have a wank. Oops, and TMI son, TMI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 You deserved it 164

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erphy21 · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Lompoc, United States

Whaaaaat?

Today, my 18 year-old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 470 You deserved it 6 441

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Sorry, guys · 13 November 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

None taken

Today, it’s officially been 37 days since my fiance has seen me naked and longer than that since he’s tried to give me an orgasm. I’ve lost track of how long it’s been. I don’t want to end up like the people on here talking about sexless marriages for years and decades before we’re even married. No offense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376 You deserved it 119

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Arnold · 21 October 2025, 09:00 🌶️ Spicy

Needy

Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455 You deserved it 225

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Ouch · 6 October 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Triggered

Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731 You deserved it 212

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Anonymous · 6 October 2025, 09:00 🌶️ Spicy

Thanks but no thanks

Today, a woman grabbed my arm and told me she wanted to ride me like a stallion then suck me clean afterwards. It would have been tempting were she not my 90 year-old Alzheimer’s-riddled nana, who raised me on her own and took me to church twice a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602 You deserved it 117

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Horny af · 5 October 2025, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

What are you hiding?

Today, after several grueling weeks at the gym, my moribund sex drive suddenly kicked into high gear. All I want is for my husband to fuck me senseless, but he's now convinced I'm just trying to butter him up before dropping a bombshell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515 You deserved it 213

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here's a giant baby · 5 October 2025, 03:00 🌶️ Spicy

Confusing

Today, my boyfriend told me he was horny. Since it has been a while, I offered to help. He sighed and complained that he didn't feel attractive and didn't want sex. I laughed and asked if he grew a vagina overnight. He got mad and stomped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192 You deserved it 594

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Wtf · 4 October 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

What is he hiding?

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he had any secret sexual fantasies and promised that I wouldn't judge him, hoping to scratch my kinky itch. He looked at me wide-eyed, yelled, "IT'S A TRAP!!" and literally sprinted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354 You deserved it 262

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BuyersRemorse · 1 October 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Not feeling it

Today, I bought a dragon dildo after many years of curiosity and recently, one too many glasses of wine. As I lined it up next to my forearm, the reality that it would go INTO me set in. I can't return it as it is not the seller's fault. I'm throwing it away tomorrow before someone I know finds it. Curiosity killed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 You deserved it 416

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Anonymous · 30 September 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Keep it to yourself

Today, I had to have the awkward conversation with my adult daughter that the reason I’m divorcing her mom is because she’s not my daughter, she’s actually the daughter of her mom's secret boyfriend, who she’s been screwing behind my back for almost 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580 You deserved it 70

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Anonymous · 29 September 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Snooping around

Today, I found out the heartbreaking truth of why my husband won’t have sex with me. He cheated, got an STD, and is now waiting for it to clear up before he touches me again. When I confronted him, he flipped out and wrecked the house because I invaded his privacy by going into his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528 You deserved it 105

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Anonymous · 27 September 2025, 20:00

So sexy

Today, I was relaxing in the bath with oils and candles and a new book when my husband burst in with diarrhoea, filled the toilet, polluted the air, and knocked my new book into the bathwater. Then, while washing his hands, he asked if I wanted an oil covered shag. Romantic, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 483 You deserved it 90

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Unwanted · 26 September 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Morning glory

Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 488 You deserved it 110

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Anonymous · 26 September 2025, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Rubbers

Today, I’m bisexual and recently started dating my girlfriend who’s a lesbian. I made a complete fool of myself when we were about to have sex because out of habit I asked if she had any condoms. Sex makes me dumb I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199 You deserved it 349

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Anonymous · 21 September 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Taste test

Today, I noticed my boyfriend tasted different than normal so he got a doctor's appointment, which is where he discovered he has a yeast infection under his foreskin. Yuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402 You deserved it 136

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Pain like no one has ever seen before

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 377 You deserved it 5 871

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Anonymous · 20 September 2025, 12:00

DDLG

Today, I accidentally said "Yes Daddy” to my boyfriend while at dinner with his parents. They threw me out. My boyfriend did nothing to defend me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178 You deserved it 543

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Broken trust · 19 September 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Making whoopee

Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744 You deserved it 109

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I'm a freak · 17 September 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

No kinkshaming!

Today, I watched Alien for the first time with my husband. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I got so wet during the facehugger scene, I had to fake a panic attack and ask him to turn the movie off because I was scared he'd notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130 You deserved it 324

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Anonymous · 16 September 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Foundations

Today, I caught the woman I’ve been dating for a few weeks in bed with my brother. We’ve not had sex yet. If she wanted a relationship with him, why not say so instead of wasting my time? This truly feels like I did the work digging the trench, but my brother got to lay the pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474 You deserved it 111

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Hmmmm…

Today, my 21 year-old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 898 You deserved it 5 403

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Shadley Chase Teladia · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff ·Johannesburg, South Africa

Coincidence plays tricks on us!

Today, I finally got to meet the parents of the girl in which I have been dating for 3 months. I discovered that a month before we started dating, I had a one-night stand with her sister. And a week before that, I had a grinding session with her mother at a bar. No one is saying anything and her father is really bulky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 200 You deserved it 2 278

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Anonymous · 8 September 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Enough!

Today, I was trying to put my kids to bed but my husband kept riling them up with yelling, wrestling, etc. By the time we actually got them to bed I was exhausted. His ass had the nerve to throw a fit because I was too tired for sex. Why does he think I was trying to get them to sleep?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 352 You deserved it 113

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Lonely · 7 September 2025, 20:00 ·Amsterdam, Netherlands

Cooked

Today, desperate for some affection from my cold, frigid wife, I lied and said we had an attractive new girl joining our department. Without looking up, she said, "You guys can fuck, I don't care, just be discreet." Stick a fork in this marriage, it's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568 You deserved it 101

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Anonymous · 7 September 2025, 09:00 ·Abertillery, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Oh no, the horror!

Today, it’s too complicated to explain how I found out but suffice it to say I learned that the actress I shared a kiss with on stage at the theatre had given her boyfriend a blowjob less than ten minutes before coming on stage and kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538 You deserved it 97

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Ellis · 6 September 2025, 20:00 ·Ephrata, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Why would you even have that?

Today, I was on FB Messenger talking to one of my friends who is a pastor about getting together playing golf and I meant to send him an emoji in our conversation, but accidentally sent an emoji sticker of my wife and me doing doggystyle. I quickly deleted it on my side, but it was still visible on his side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 You deserved it 547

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Billie · 3 September 2025, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Bustin' makes me feel good

Today, after years of my husband letting himself go and our sex life dying a slow, painful death, he's finally gotten my hints and started exercising and eating right, and he looks amazing. But now he has no sex drive and says, "I'm getting older, there are more important things to me than busting nuts all day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 410 You deserved it 223

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