Anonymous · 17 August 2024, 14:00 ·Orange Park, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Desperate housewife

Today, I had sex with my cousin's husband, multiple times. This isn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last. I'm also married but haven’t been intimate with my husband in almost a year. He and I have discussed being together openly but we know it would mess up both of our lives as well as our families. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 You deserved it 1 021

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Anonymous · 14 August 2024, 12:00 ·Castleford, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Splinters

Today, after sex last night, I'd fallen asleep nude without bothering to put on underwear. What a mistake that was. My cat decided to wake me up by clawing and biting my naked morning wood like she was trying to rip the head off a mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531 You deserved it 192

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Looks familiar · 13 August 2024, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Familiar

Today, my coworker asked me for advice for a clever comeback after she got an unsolicited dick pic. I sent her some zingers to roast the creep into oblivion. Afterward she sent me screenshots. I recognized the mole and birthmark immediately. It was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737 You deserved it 142

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Just fucking wank it off already and stop bugging me · 9 August 2024, 22:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Leave me alone

Today, my man has quit watching porn for "health benefits." Before, he only wanted sex once or twice a month. Now it's almost every damn night. Every time I try to convince him to go back to porn, he throws a tantrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213 You deserved it 789

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Deven · 7 August 2024, 20:00 ·Ardmore, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Boys and their toys

Today, I forgot my Lana Rhoades fleshlight in the bathroom sink without the lid on it because I was letting it dry. When my mother-in-law came over she saw it and just told me there was something in the sink. It’s so awkward now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 You deserved it 619

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familyofpsychos · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Elkhorn, United States

Stiched up

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 966 You deserved it 2 462

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Anonymous · 3 August 2024, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

Practice makes perfect

Today, my girlfriend decided to try swallowing instead of spitting. Now this was entirely her own idea, I never asked her to try, and yet when she gagged, vomited, and sneezed so it all came dribbling out of her nose, somehow it was all my fault because I’m "disgusting." I love you too, Sweetie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771 You deserved it 176

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Allie · 1 August 2024, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Give him a week

Today, I touched my friend's hard junk under my foot through his jeans as we played games on the couch. He didn't move away and kept jiggling my thighs playfully, so I didn't stop. When he left, I texted him I liked what I felt and got no response. I killed a 7 year friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500 You deserved it 255

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Anonymous · 30 July 2024, 12:00 ·Ottawa, Canada

Stank tank

Today, I found out that I have a bacteria causing me to smell bad. For the last three years, strangers would say that I stink, I thought it was because I'm a smoker and they could smell cigarettes from my clothes, only to find out that people could smell my vagina through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534 You deserved it 306

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never again · 29 July 2024, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

My pleasure

Today, a bit buzzed, I finally gave in to my boyfriend's request and gave him a rimjob. I was licking away when I suddenly realized what I was doing, leapt off the bed, and ran to the toilet to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191 You deserved it 688

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Anonymous · 27 July 2024, 22:00 ·Anaheim, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Oh hell no

Today, I was in the "getting to know you" phase of dating a guy I recently met. We were talking about our families and I mentioned my dad died when I was young. He blurted out, “So, we get to have some of that kinky daddy issue sex then, huh?” I’m not sure if he was joking or not but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 630 You deserved it 135

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Anonymous · 23 July 2024, 06:00

Rekt thread

Today, my son came home saying there had been a bad accident where two people died in a crash. This sounded terrible but he then said, "Yeah, I took pictures. Wanna see the bodies? They’re disgusting." Everyone in the house except me jumped up to look at those poor dead people. I raised savages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585 You deserved it 155

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I like sex dirty but not THAT dirty! · 20 July 2024, 20:00 ·Anaheim, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Dirty girl

Today, my husband is upset because I’ve been turning him down when he tries to initiate sex as soon as I walk in the door. I work 12 hour shifts as an ER nurse and the thought of getting into bed without showering away all the day's germs repulses me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662 You deserved it 183

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Foreverfuglyaf · 18 July 2024, 22:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

How could you?

Today, I walked in on my husband and a woman on our bed together. She had a perfect, fat-free body, and was riding him effortlessly. He knows I’m unable to ride due to a back injury. This comes a couple of days after convincing me that I was “beautiful the way I was” when I had a body dysmorphia breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853 You deserved it 198

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Lilly · 17 July 2024, 14:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Just perfect

Today, my coworker and I got caught having sex in the break-room. It was 6 p.m. and there was only him and me from our department in the office. Apparently, this bitch from another department in another fucking building decided it was the perfect time to make microwave popcorn, and our break-room was the perfect place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 You deserved it 1 090

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pussnboots · 16 July 2024, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Surprise, wanker!

Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 419 You deserved it 258

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Anonymous · 15 July 2024, 12:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Dick inspector

Today, I'm a significant grower not a shower, so when not erect to 7 inches my penis really does resemble a cocktail sausage. So far my girlfriend hadn’t seen it soft but today she whipped my boxers down while I was asleep. The phrase, "Oh my god! What happened to it?" is now forever etched in my brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594 You deserved it 146

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Anonymous · 14 July 2024, 14:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

*Cough cough*

Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521 You deserved it 111

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Screwed · 10 July 2024, 16:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Gentleman

Today, a girl I’ve been fucking told me she’s pregnant after she told me she took the pill. What she really meant was, “Oh, that pill? That was Advil ‘cause I get headaches.” The bitch knows I have a wife and kids. She callously said, “Should've been more specific.” She can’t understand why I’m freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 You deserved it 2 051

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Anonymous · 4 July 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Delete pls

Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733 You deserved it 162

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Luissa · 3 July 2024, 20:00 ·United States

Some salt for that wound?

Today, my ex-husband’s new girlfriend stopped by the pharmacy I work at, checked out at my lane, and had me ring up her condoms. She kept bragging about how she’s gonna have “nasty freaky sex” with my ex all night long while I work at a “miserable pharmacy.” I burst into tears while she laughed and waltzed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763 You deserved it 177

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poopface82 · 2 July 2024, 16:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

New kink unlocked

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend, who is embarrassed of her smoking habit and wants to quit, to smoke in front of me to break the shame. I was loving, supportive, and cheerful, and I kissed her after. I also got a boner. Now I wish she wouldn’t quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 You deserved it 655

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kayla53 · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Elmer, United States

Seeing other people

Today, my boyfriend posted pictures of him at the bar last night with his ex. And ones of them in her bed this morning. I guess we're sleeping with other people? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 741 You deserved it 2 216

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Anonymous · 28 June 2024, 20:00 ·Pune, India 🌶️ Spicy

Pull the wool

Today, my girlfriend is fucking somebody else and she thinks I don't know. I'm too afraid to lose her, so I haven't told her that I know. I'm not sure why I'm not ready to let her go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262 You deserved it 771

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Evening routine

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 952 You deserved it 501

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Anonymous · 15 June 2024, 14:00 ·Portland, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Haunting

Today, I received a package addressed to me. Excited, I opened it in front of my whole family. Inside was a box of adult toys that I definitely did not order. Turns out, my friend Mike thought it would be hilarious to send it to me as a joke. My grandma's face will haunt me forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703 You deserved it 193

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what the fuck babe · 14 June 2024, 16:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Not my bucket list

Today, my boyfriend showed me his bucket list. Normal bucket lists are beautiful, full of sweet things like, "See Paris with my wife" or, "Learn to play the piano". His was all childish destructive bullshit like, "Throw dynamite out of a car window" or, "Get my ass eaten out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 420 You deserved it 376

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Anonymous · 11 June 2024, 20:00 ·Lynbrook, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Very sexy and highly romantic

Today, my girlfriend said she’s been wanting to have sex lately. We haven’t done it in so long, I've lost track. We still haven’t done it. Part of me wants to fuck someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262 You deserved it 711

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Anonymous · 8 June 2024, 20:00 ·Sandy, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Depends on the content of the message…

Today, I was sexting my ex in a bad choice whirlwind, but I accidentally sent it to the guy I've just met. I immediately knew the message wasn’t meant for him, and that it ruined our chances of dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 You deserved it 858

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Anonymous · 7 June 2024, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Daddy

Today, I have come to accept that my girlfriend has such obvious daddy issues that I can only turn her on by dressing/acting/sounding like him, but not too obviously because if she realises that’s what I’m doing, she screams, “I do not want to have sex with my dad!” then starts crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705 You deserved it 197

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