Kids

As a matter of fact…

By Hangryko - 11/05/2021 08:01 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother told me to my face that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't have had kids. Thanks, Mum. It's not like I asked to be born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 145

The Talk

By Ken - 10/05/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I asked my 13-year-old son if he thought he was mature enough for a talk about "the birds and the bees." His response was, "They fly, so what? Why would I care?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 927

Happy Mother's Day

By ImScrewed - 10/05/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I had my husband’s family over. Our adopted 4 year-old daughter drew a cute card and gave it to me saying, "Happy Mother’s Day mommy! I love you." My mother-in-law scoffed, "She’s infertile and not even your real mom, but ok." Now our daughter won’t stop asking all sorts of questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 118

Smart kid

By outsmarted by a 5/yo - 10/05/2021 04:00

Today, since my daughter refuses to eat any kind of soup whatsoever, I asked her "What are you gonna do when you’re on a date?" She replied with, "Uh...not order soup?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 1 938

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 19:59 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my kids found out how to control my Google alarm clock with their phones. While I was gone, they set it to play screamo metal at max volume, then paused it. Sometime after midnight, as I was sleeping, they pressed play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 226

Pirate Jim

By maryann - 09/05/2021 02:01

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 372

Painful

By rise - 08/05/2021 10:59

Today, I had a massive, pounding headache. I asked my mom for some painkillers and she said, "No. You don’t deserve pain relief. Ever. For anything." What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 98

Assumptions

By Martin s - 08/05/2021 01:59 - United States - Manahawkin

Today, I saw the crazy meth guy, who randomly rolls up on you on his bike and tells you how he met Jesus, leading a little boy behind a church. After I made sure nothing weird was happening, I reported it to the police and posted a status to warn parents on Facebook, I found it was actually his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 1 039

How not to raise 'em right

By cammy - 08/05/2021 05:59

Today, I learned that my 13 year-old daughter has been wearing the same pad for a week “because there’s no blood on it.” When I told her that it's still disgusting, she tried to defend herself be saying that, "no one ever told her how long she could wear it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 2 888

Dream baby dream

By CJ. - 05/05/2021 14:01 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 1 383

Baby mama drama

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 14:02

Today, I kind of wished I'd never become a stepmom. I didn't know what I was getting into. When one of the kids' moms stops making life hard, the other picks up. I love the kids with all my heart, but it's starting to hurt me. I can't give 100% because I'm reminded I'm "not their real mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 226

That's awkward

By Dannotmann - 04/05/2021 22:01

Today, I took my wife and our 6 year-old son to a company party. Sometimes I take my son to work with me, so he knows my coworkers. One of them walked over and introduces herself to my wife, and my son says, "Yeah, they go to into the bathroom together all the time during break!"’ Thanks, son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 3 529

Creepy

By lilmatchgirl - 04/05/2021 00:59 - United States - Godley

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 165

Kids hear EVERYTHING

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 13:01 - Canada - Westbridge

Today, I was listening to an inappropriate song while driving around when I heard my 3 year-old in the back seat say the n-word. If you hear kids screaming, "LEGOS, LEGOS!" out of the windows as I drive by, that's my pathetic attempt at reversing the language they heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 1 227

Go to your OWN rooms!

By Cheryl - 03/05/2021 05:01

Today, it's funny that I'm paying so much more money for a 3 bedroom apartment so my kids can each have their own rooms, and both kids have been camped out in my room for weeks. I'm a single mom who doesn't get any child support. What did I leave my 2 bedroom for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 236

Privacy violation

By privacy! - 02/05/2021 08:02

Today, I asked my mom to help my daughter with Zoom school while I handled an emergency. When I got back, I found out my mom went through my laptop containing all my documents, my emails and even the journal my therapist suggested I keep. She says she was looking for a Zoom link. Yeah right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 185

Leaving makes sense

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 21:30

Today, I finally left my bitch girlfriend with her son, who has difficulties and violence issues. Now everyone is telling me I should go back, because the kid needs a father, never mind that I’m depressed and in therapy for suicidal urges. Guess my mental health doesn’t matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 180

Weird kid

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 21:30

Today, and for the last 4 days, my 19-year-old son has been wearing a metal full face skull helmet and a black robe, and has renamed himself Beast. He also bought a sword from god knows where and refuses to leave the house, because the outside scares him. I may need an exorcist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 241

Teenagers…

By LieutenantDimwit - 30/04/2021 18:01 - Jordan

Today, my uncle picked up a tissue box and threw it at my sister for fun. My sister got mad and yeeted the box at me. I reacted with the same action, but she lost her crap and kicked and punched me. When I reported the incident to my parents, I get berated and my sister got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 174

Dick move

By blargerpanda - 29/04/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I heard my 7 year-old step-daughter tell her father over Zoom she cries every night, because she wants to go home with him. I don't have the heart to tell her that he had kicked her and her mom out of the house because he thought mom's stretch marks were unattractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 129

It's a learned behavior

By laurilove7 - 27/04/2021 20:01

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 1 358

The Fear

By marie - 26/04/2021 22:59

Today, the kids in my 6 year-old daughter’s class were asked what they feared the most. My daughter’s worst fear is apparently not werewolves, sharks, monsters or clowns. Nope, it’s "Eating food I don’t like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 224

Dream baby dream

By so sleepy - 24/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, as a lifelong insomnia sufferer, I was having an awful night. After tossing and turning in my bed for several hours, I decided to try sleeping on the couch. Not only did I finally fall asleep, I was having one of the best dreams of my life… Until my neighbor’s brat had a tantrum at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 103

News to me

By Jean Chretien Lookalike - 23/04/2021 02:04

Today, I was looking at baby photos of me with my mom. I realized that I was making a funny face in some of them, particularly when smiling. I asked my mom if that was a silly face I used to like making. She replied, "Oh, Honey no, you had Bell's Palsy until you were two." FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 98

YouTube drama

By chrome dome - 22/04/2021 20:01

Today, my sister put hair remover in my shampoo as a "prank" for her YouTube channel. My mom grounded her for a month, but let her keep her dumb channel because she cried and said she’d kill herself if she had to delete it. Meanwhile, it’ll take years for my hair to grow back the length it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 553

You deserved it 99

Great job, dude

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 23:01 - Australia

Today, after my boyfriend of three years and I had our first child together last year and he was so hands on, now when I ask him to help with the baby he tells me I’m the primary carer, and that he’s not ready to be a dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 218

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 303

Making connections

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 03:00 - Canada - Bedford

Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed and we were both molested as kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 110

Spoiled to the core

By good mama - 18/04/2021 04:59

Today, my mom is furious that I won’t let her babysit my kids anymore. Twice they’ve come home with vomiting and diarrhea after she let them eat nothing but desserts the entire day. Her excuse? Grandmas are supposed to spoil their grandkids. Spoil, not give them diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 139

Empathy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 23:59 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 174

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I'm a proud non drug user, but I trusted an oat cookie at my brother's birthday, which was loaded with pot. Tomorrow is our mandatory drug screening at work, my job is government based, and I worked my ass off to get it. Anyone who tests positive or misses the test is sacked immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 192

Today, I found out that when someone posts a "story" on Instagram, they can see who has viewed it and how many times. I have been viewing an ex's story every day for the past week. We do not follow each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 4 467

Today, trying to be a little fun and flirty, I asked my husband if he wanted to play strip poker. He replied, "Nah. Not much fun with just two people." Not sure if he’s suggesting swinging or if he's really just that dense to what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 687

You deserved it 268

Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 730

You deserved it 2 942

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. It's okay, I know who the father is: my ex-boyfriend, who moved to Japan last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 068

You deserved it 12 031

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 163

You deserved it 350 505