Kids

Daddy's little girl

By what did I raise?! - 19/03/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, my daughter asked to use my phone to find hers. Instead, she sent multiple messages to my boyfriend, trying to break up with him. When asked why she did it, she said it’s because she wants me to get back with her father. This would be somewhat understandable if she wasn’t 32 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 152

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 102

The heat is on

By Emma - 17/03/2021 22:59

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 114

Smart

By mother of a complete idiot - 16/03/2021 21:30

Today, my daughter left a plate of food in her room for two hours. When I yelled at her about ants, her response was, "But I thought it took DAYS for ants to show up!" I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 950

Haircut, haiiiiiirccuuuuuut

By Shrek - 16/03/2021 20:01

Today, after we went and spent $30 to get our two youngest boys hair cut last weekend, they snuck my beard trimmer and had a go at doing it themselves. Guess whose heads are buzzed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 184

People don't always get sarcasm

By Martin - 15/03/2021 17:00

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 1 197

Circular logic

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 11:01

Today, I was told I was disrespectful for letting a parent know that her son was disrespecting adults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 82

They're all eggheads to me

By sadie - 13/03/2021 23:01

Today, my daughter once again called my boyfriend by the name of an ex-boyfriend. She always does this and she claims it’s because they’re all bald. Can she not remember their very distinct faces? FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 464

Supportive

By Burden - 12/03/2021 06:31 - India

Today, once again, my mom ranted about how she sacrificed so much for me by moving to a better city. I said it was for my education and to stop making me feel like a burden. She scoffed, "Right, you never should've been born. My mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 175

Relatable reasoning

By Jake - 10/03/2021 23:00

Today, my wife told me the only reason she doesn’t want kids is because she requires privacy to poop. That’s it. That’s the dealbreaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 292

Is it not your baby as well?

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 05:03

Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 178

Operation time!

By Murphy’s Law - 04/03/2021 20:01 - United States - Troy

Today, I went to see the doctor for my daughter and myself. I fell two weeks ago, I thought I'd sprained my ankle but apparently I broke my leg instead. I’ve been limping around for two weeks. My daughter was sick, which is the only reason I got X-rayed. It may need screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 199

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, my teenage daughter insisted it was my job to take down the tray full of empty dishes, because I was the one who had carried it upstairs. Sound logic, so far. Why had I carried the tray upstairs? To serve her breakfast in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 827

Time to adopt a bunch of cats

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 15:30 - United States

Today, I burst into tears when my 35 year-old cousin announced on social media she is going to be a grandma. Her 16 year-old son's girlfriend is pregnant. I am 33, single, and have been romantically invisible to everyone my whole life. I'm gonna die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 252

Force of habit, or just mean?

By leogs23 - 02/03/2021 20:01

Today, my fiancée’s siblings kept calling me by her ex-boyfriend’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 83

Be the hero

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 14:01

Today, I learned I will hand my daughter off to a complete stranger in order to provide help during an emergency situation. I don't know whether I feel proud to be someone who steps up in the moment, or mortified and ashamed that I gave my kid to a bystander so easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 300

Favoritism

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 05:01

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law say to her daughter "I can't wait for you to make me a real grandma." I'm pregnant with their first grandchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 128

Animal lover

By fml9124 - 01/03/2021 02:00

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threatened to run away. Why? We live in southern Arizona. In the last week, she's found a dead tarantula and a live scorpion in her bedroom. In a couple of weeks it will be rattlesnake season. She's not liking the desert much anymore, where even the plants want to hurt you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 497

Hi uncle, I'm dad

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 00:30

Today, I found out I'm an uncle. Normally this would be great news, except I have spent the last 8 years thinking I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 74

Yeet it

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 23:00 - Canada

Today, I finally had my doctor's appointment to get my tubes tied. I've been waiting for 2 years. Instead, I found out that my birth control failed and I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 154

Asshat

By Julissa - 25/02/2021 00:30

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 125

#1 Mom of the Year

By minnie - 23/02/2021 04:58

Today, while trying to walk past my mother in the hallway, I hesitated because she suddenly moved to the side. She screamed at me for a solid five minutes about not being able to "predict her movements." And she wonders why I’m suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 129

By fml9124 - 19/02/2021 19:58

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because her two kids got into my pool. They scaled a two-meter wall to get to my backyard. They used a tree in her yard that hangs over the wall. I guess I could install razor wire on top of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 61

Sketchy-looking dude

By NinjaTurtle93 - 17/02/2021 21:30

Today, I overheard a lady tell her child in a store that, “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll tell that guy over there to take you away.” She was referring to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 109

None of your business

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 17:01

Today, I told my mom my husband and I were considering having another baby. She said, "No!" about 30 times. Then later she texted me that she insists on no more kids. I guess I will never have that bonding moment with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 177

Selfish tit

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 14:01

Today, I'm running on two hours sleep thanks to our new baby. My partner slept all night, and when I asked them to take over so I could have a nap, they ran to bed, saying that they needed to sleep. Why? Apparently, the baby noise woke them up "once or twice" and they needed the extra sleep more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 246

Cognitive dissonance

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 11:01

Today, in the same conversation with the same person, I got chewed out because our kids want to spend more time with me than her, and also because the kids spend too much time with her and she can’t work from home effectively. Can anyone explain how that works? FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 114

We're all in hell

By Looking4AnApartment - 16/02/2021 15:30 - United States - Bellmore

Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 163

Ghosts!

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 14:01

Today, I was written up for bringing my son to work. For safety reasons, bringing kids to work is strictly prohibited. I don’t have any kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 93

Not the sharpest tool

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 17:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? Her six year-old likes me more than her. I hate kids. I stayed with her in spite of her son, because I love her. For some reason she thought I was going to leave her and take her kid with me, so she broke up with me first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 297

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 970

You deserved it 4 238

Today, my husband and son had their first DIY project. Less than 30 minutes later, our son’s crying in his room. Turns out my husband is just like his dad. “WHY ARE YOU STANDING DOING NOTHING? PASS ME THE THING. NOT THAT THING, THE OTHER THING. HERE, I’LL DO IT MYSELF. PAY ATTENTION, GOD DAMMIT.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 121

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to move out. Excited, thinking he wanted us to move out from his mom's house, I said, "Yeah! Just you and me?" to which he smirked and replied, "No, just you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 423

You deserved it 5 195

Today, my husband is going on his fifth consecutive day without a shower. He’s been working 16-hour shifts, and though I'm empathetic to his exhaustion, his foul body odor has overtaken the bedroom, and his excretions have discolored his side of the bed. I fear the worst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 342

You deserved it 403

Today, I learned the VERY hard way that if you’re gonna go onto your neighbor’s property, yell at them for parking on your side of the street, and threaten to call the city on them, then you should probably make sure she doesn’t have pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 1 753

Today, I'm pretty sure my husband of 8 years is sleeping with the skank who's in the fire department with him. Out of nowhere, he started texting her and wouldn’t come home until 12:30 a.m. for a whole week. When I confronted him about it, he flipped out. Sadly, it won’t be the first marriage she’s ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 194