The Top

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By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 04:44 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 874

You deserved it 2 527

Obvious

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow, I said, "That's funny, I don't play tennis." He then asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no, he said, "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 897

You deserved it 20 945

GET UP

By hottygirl905 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 2 347

By gottalovefriends - 23/04/2012 04:04 - United States - Atkinson

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 987

You deserved it 4 921

Yummy

By Fatty - 15/06/2019 09:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of them pointed at a store and commented, "Bae Goals." My fat ass thought she said "bagels" and I actually got excited at the thought of eating a bagel, even after I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 495

By worst - 12/10/2009 08:23 - Philippines

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 132

You deserved it 10 882

Reveal

By everyoneheard - 28/03/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 160

You deserved it 18 266

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 08:00 - United States - Temecula

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 993

You deserved it 6 009

Backwards

By bad sis - 23/09/2019 05:01 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my family got very upset with me when I advised my brother’s girlfriend to take the kids and leave. They’re more upset with me telling her that, than the fact that my brother is an abusive serial cheater and a raging alcoholic, who hits her and the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 964

You deserved it 173

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, one of my co-workers invited me to a cookout at her house with some other people from my new job. She said to wear my suit. Assuming she had a pool, I showed up in a bikini, only to find everyone else wearing business attire and staring at me like I had lost my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 053

You deserved it 69 648

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:56 - Canada

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 517

You deserved it 44 148

Rough

By aarone23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 320

You deserved it 4 161

By mr - 27/07/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 782

You deserved it 10 430

You wanker!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 22:00

Today, my brother arrived at the cabin we’re staying at on a trip. He insisted he got the bed I chose. My father responded, "You wouldn’t want the bed if you knew what he did in it last night." I laughed until I realized there's a mirror where he could've easily seen "what I did last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 2 134

Say it ain't so, please

By Kali - 13/10/2019 04:00

Today, I went to go meet my boyfriend at a restaurant to tell him it just wasn't working out. Before I could do so, he proposed. I had to tell him no, so he started to cry and ran out. Everyone looked at me like some kind of monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 418

By rebecca - 10/03/2009 21:31 - Austria

Today, as a bartender was carding my friends, I excitedly asked if he was going to card me. The guy gave me a blank stare before finally replying, "Look, lady, I don't have time to stroke some middle-aged woman's ego." I asked because it was my birthday. I just turned twenty-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 406

You deserved it 7 179

By Wellpoo - 02/01/2018 19:00

Today, I started 2018 with a bad case of food poisoning. Not exactly the New Year's cleanse I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 326

By badhairday - 21/02/2018 01:30

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 061

You deserved it 384

By ouch - 29/02/2012 19:18 - Italy

Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 155

You deserved it 2 869

Too dry

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 20:00

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 417

Baked

By Monty - 01/03/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven, I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was only wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and, um… stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 538

You deserved it 15 624

By KMO - 26/02/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 114

You deserved it 28 562

By anonymous - 15/06/2019 02:25

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 166

We Are Family

By bad dad - 15/03/2020 00:01

Today, I met my paternal grandparents for the first time, since my dad was never in my life and my mom wouldn’t talk about him. According to them, I have at least 28 other siblings from him, and who knows how many that haven’t come forward. No wonder my mom always hated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 139

By pussyOUT - 01/09/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 246

You deserved it 16 111

By LaughingFML - 01/06/2016 21:33 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 934

You deserved it 1 146

Hangry for that Mickey D's

By anonymous - 23/07/2021 07:59

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 183

By Mr. Hopeless - 13/02/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 999

You deserved it 4 245

By Shelly P. - 29/01/2012 00:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 555

You deserved it 3 552

By imwrong - 10/02/2009 11:59 - Philippines

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 264

You deserved it 66 660

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The Top

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 556

You deserved it 38 443

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 099

You deserved it 4 443

Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 589

You deserved it 3 943

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 700

You deserved it 4 983

Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 686

You deserved it 42 623

Today, I was at Walmart to pick up things. I was using an electric buggy because my ankle is injured, even though it was a bit odd. On the way out, the controls got stuck going forward, pushing along six carts into a pileup before I managed to get it to turn off. The manager saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 128

You deserved it 705