Random FMLs

Tense

By This complicates things - 07/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my relationship with my sister-in-law has never been the greatest, so I've been trying to improve it. Any progress I may have made was destroyed when I accidentally slammed a car door shut with her hand in it. Good news: Her hand is not broken. Bad news: She absolutely refuses to believe it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 248

You deserved it 89 835

By Angrymom - 22/10/2018 22:00

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 151

You deserved it 345

Leave me out of it

By Marissa Di Stefano - 05/01/2021 17:01

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 214

TMI, mom

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 18:00 - United States - Berkeley Springs

Today, my mom was on the phone when she decided to blurt out that she got me probiotics for my stomach issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 168

Plans shelved

By Anonymous - 29/07/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 377

You deserved it 4 266

Take a hike

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 17:19 - United States

Today, I went on a camping trip. I already had a bad back, and then the guy in charge took us on a hike. My shoes were too small, and now I'm hobbling around with a bad back and foot. Every time I limp, it hurts my back, but if I walk normally, it hurts my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 404

You deserved it 5 353

Long walk home

By zoe - 15/07/2022 22:00

Today, I got locked out of a building that I work in (I work night shifts). I locked my phone, wallet, and car keys in the building. I had no way of contacting my boss or getting a ride. I had to walk home at night, almost got hit by a car full of dudes yelling slurs, and had a woman scream at me from the passenger seat of a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 224

By almost jobless - 11/07/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 632

You deserved it 32 861

By caligirl4ever - 19/07/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 032

You deserved it 511

By 919191 - 18/08/2014 13:26 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 433

You deserved it 6 605

Racketeering

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 04:01

Today, my car was damaged in an accident. At the garage, I happened to find out that if some big insurance company is paying for the repairs, they only charge half the hourly rate they charge people who have to pay from their own meager salaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 110

By sad as shit - 01/01/2016 00:41 - United States - Conway

Today, my life finally seemed to be getting on track after recovering from major depression, paying off most of my debt, and scoring an amazing job. And then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 753

You deserved it 2 176

One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 05:59

Today, my husband pre-ordered $500 worth of Transformers figures. We're supposed to be trying to save up for a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 174

Well done

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 11:41 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 347

You deserved it 4 308

Deep cut

By It's a horrible song lmao - 08/11/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I lost my phone while at the store with my mom. She decided to call it, and that's when I remembered that my ringtone for her is the song "Mother" by The Police. The weirded-out stares I got as I picked up my phone have become a core memory that I absolutely did not want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 385

Compliant

By Anonymous - 14/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Prospect

Today, I finally finished our two hour long yearly compliance training at work. Not five minutes later, I receive an email from our compliance department, notifying me of a complaint against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 122

Ticking time bomb

By Gear Desolite - 17/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, the most important aspect of my day is to keep my head on my shoulders and not explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 108

By rook - 09/01/2012 09:08 - United States

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 641

You deserved it 2 640

Giggley McGiggle

By not sexy! - 01/01/2023 12:00

Today, my husband decided to surprise me with some "sexy" manscaping. When he took his clothes off, I immediately got drier than the Sahara desert. He was going for "porn star" but instead looked like a prepubescent kid, which immediately turned me off. He then got mad at me for “ruining the mood.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 442

Time to scramble

By BellaBabii32 - 27/04/2021 02:01

Today, I went to get coffee. While I was at the drive-thru window, I went to pay with my card but dropped it right out the window. It went under my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 181

Modern Family

By Wtffmlfs - 26/09/2019 04:01

Today, I dawned on me that my step-dad, who cheated on and is now divorcing my mom, is my favorite family member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 191

By lbailey32 - 04/02/2014 01:30 - United States - Seneca Falls

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 318

You deserved it 4 475

By bored - 27/11/2012 18:05 - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 408

You deserved it 5 691

By Sick - 24/02/2009 20:34 - Canada

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 704

You deserved it 6 183

Pleased to meet you

By footinmouth - 13/09/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 030

You deserved it 14 126

You took your time!

By Rejected - 01/09/2021 10:01

Today, almost 7 weeks after the second interview for a job I really wanted, and hearing nothing from the job or the staffing agents, I got an email saying they won’t be hiring me. I gave up my search a few weeks ago when I started the third trimester of my pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 231

By ugamayne - 17/02/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 688

You deserved it 3 118

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 14:00

Today, my 5-year-old daughter had to find pictures of animals that she felt represented each member of her family. This was the one she chose for me. I think she might be trying to imply something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 418

You deserved it 640

By LifeLikeLemons - 14/11/2016 23:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got rear-ended trying to move off the road because I heard a police siren. It was the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 476

You deserved it 2 514

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 120

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 377

You deserved it 7 878

Random

Today, I was out horse riding. Some say that riding isn’t a sport, but I can swear that chasing after a horse that has just thrown you off is really tiring! FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 79

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 004

You deserved it 4 884

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 943

You deserved it 22 568

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 385

Today, bored to death, I tried to quietly leave a meeting early. The chair screeched loudly as I stood, and my badge fell off and skidded across the floor. Everyone stopped talking to watch me retrieve it before I awkwardly sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 385

Today, my ex started dating the girl he kept telling me not to worry about. We broke up three hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 68