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A little treat

By AdoKitty - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4 year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl." Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

agreeclassic 29 376

vote type 1 2 334

Ouch

By ouch - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Union City

Today, I stopped to replace a stuffed bear that had fallen from a small memorial for a girl killed nearby. Her mom happened to walk by and thought I was stealing it. She hit me with her purse. FML

agreeclassic 34 895

vote type 1 2 541

Praise

By Jesusman - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with, "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying, "By him, I mean Jesus." FML

agreeclassic 3 148

vote type 1 364

Whaaaaat?

By erphy21 - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year-old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 35 430

vote type 1 6 430

Pros and cons

By GrandTheftArson - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

agreeclassic 21 510

vote type 1 1 630

Delightful

By Tori - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I got news that I had "delighted a customer" so I looked at the review online. It says, "The fat girl up front was nice." FML

agreeclassic 4 823

vote type 1 548

Final exam

By Just an Exam - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on his final exam. I confronted him after class by jokingly asking, "If you cheated on a test, would you cheat on me?" Turns out that yes, yes he would, and he did. FML

agreeclassic 9 789

vote type 1 945

It's catching

By longdrive - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

agreeclassic 37 799

vote type 1 5 221

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

agreeclassic 1 863

vote type 1 436

Valid reason?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

agreeclassic 2 748

vote type 1 252

What? WHAT?

By Shannon - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two month-old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww, your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year-old girl. FML

agreeclassic 46 032

vote type 1 5 380

Smells like strip spirit

By m…… - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one, he responded with, "That's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

agreeclassic 42 123

vote type 1 4 311

Be warned

By JCC - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

agreeclassic 35 720

vote type 1 13 154

Up to date

By kubbyp - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I'd met online. The picture was in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

agreeclassic 51 415

vote type 1 4 125

Demon child

By thatoneguy - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a five year-old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

agreeclassic 34 767

vote type 1 3 528

Gamers rise up

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2021 but it's good stuff - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I went over to a guy's house. He had almost no furniture and slept on a mattress on the floor; however, he had the most impressive gaming computer I've ever seen. He's 40. FML

agreeclassic 1 033

vote type 1 366

Left behind

By happysingleone - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, the last of my college friends is getting married and now I'm the last single one. Don't worry though, if one ever gets a divorce we can hang out again. FML

agreeclassic 9 156

vote type 1 1 204

Oi! Get back here!

By magicman - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

agreeclassic 34 882

vote type 1 17 716

Make your mind up

By Jason Brazil - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I'm unproductive, and haven't been doing anything. He doesn't tell me what to do, and expects me to read his mind. When I ask him what he wants me to do, he gets pissed and says that I should already know what to do. FML

agreeclassic 2 194

vote type 1 559

On my way!

By ButNotBed - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 6am. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

agreeclassic 2 638

vote type 1 1 024

Thanks, Mom

By Wounded_irony - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML

agreeclassic 4 196

vote type 1 716

Pranks gone awry

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, whilst I was in a corner deli getting snacks, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to drive the car 50 metres down the street so that I would be confused when I came out... She was picked up by a cop driving without her license and now my car is impounded for 28 days. FML

agreeclassic 42 577

vote type 1 3 450

Smartass

By dumbass for a flatmate - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML

agreeclassic 29 582

vote type 1 3 857

Tricked

By drug testing - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Little Chute

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

agreeclassic 43 405

vote type 1 15 543

Asshats

By anon - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And I was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML

agreeclassic 84 580

vote type 1 4 985

Oh, totally

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

agreeclassic 36 636

vote type 1 4 558

Oh no…

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog proudly brought home a rabbit he'd killed. The same rabbit that belongs to my neighbor's daughter. FML

agreeclassic 45 653

vote type 1 4 743

Anger management

By limeiscool - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, about to fall asleep, a bug started buzzing behind the screen to my window. Losing my sanity, I punched the screen, forgetting all about the glass. I now have a cracked window and one still annoying bug. FML

agreeclassic 620

vote type 1 2 372

Sleigh bells

By dude, where's my balls? :( - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

agreeclassic 40 805

vote type 1 3 467

Where's Daddy?

By Sypha - 28/11/2025 09:00

Today, I took my parents up on their invitation to spend Thanksgiving with them. My 3 year-old daughter refused to get out of the car and insisted on waiting there. When asked why, she said, "I don't like Grandma because she's mean to Daddy!" Not only did my parents hear, we haven't told her he, my husband, passed away 4 months ago. FML

agreeclassic 97

vote type 1 561

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, trying to be a good co-parent, I asked my ex if he’d like to go to the circus with our kids and I. His new girlfriend of a whopping five days said it made her uncomfortable. He stood us up. FML

agreeclassic 2 192

vote type 1 194

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

agreeclassic 32 943

vote type 1 4 627

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

agreeclassic 35 535

vote type 1 3 406

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

agreeclassic 26 953

vote type 1 3 540

Today, I realised I'm tired of the bossy attitude exuded by the woman who I once believed was my soulmate. Tonight might just be the last night we'd sleep on same bed. FML

agreeclassic 1 019

vote type 1 211

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

agreeclassic 31 935

vote type 1 4 926