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Shame!

By milly - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, my mother commented "Loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 786

You deserved it 6 763

By Anonymous - 27/10/2013 16:33 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 813

You deserved it 4 468

By scammed - 18/12/2011 05:18 - Canada

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 941

You deserved it 2 887

Thanks babe...

By okaykk - 05/09/2018 13:00

Today, after having hardly any sleep the whole weekend, I was woken up at 3:30 am by the sound of running water. I opened my eyes to find my fiancé peeing in my favorite water bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 548

You deserved it 235

Dumbass

By O-|---<=~ - 18/10/2013 23:01 - United States - Bellingham

Spicy

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 966

You deserved it 5 687

By tishihish - 12/12/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 954

You deserved it 2 826

By L0L59 - 07/09/2018 14:30

Today, I got my braces checked by another orthodontist since I've had them for years and my teeth never got the way they should be. After 8 years and 27 x-ray exams, my orthodontist didn't do much except loosen the root of the tooth to the point where I can move it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 961

You deserved it 195

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 032

You deserved it 18 698

Hot wheels

By Liam. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 785

You deserved it 52 478

By Anonymous - 01/12/2011 03:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 395

You deserved it 4 406

By lamb-chop - 02/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 936

You deserved it 2 479

On time

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally got up early enough to get to work on time. I arrived 15 minutes early only to realize that I'd left my work laptop at home. Ended up being 30 minutes late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 1 083

Nice try, Mom

By Agirl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cerrito

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 2 917

By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 633

You deserved it 17 172

By Can I press charges? - 15/01/2015 17:23 - Australia - Hamilton

Today, my nutjob girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my best friend, just because she's a woman. Before she left, my now-ex decided to punish me by destroying the dissertation I've spent months working on, along with both backups of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 634

You deserved it 4 676

By my gran is a cuntwaffle - 26/09/2013 20:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 616

You deserved it 6 429

By PizzaPants - 29/02/2016 18:12 - United States - Denver

Today, I dropped a pizza I made. Don't worry though, I caught it between my hands and legs. I no longer have fingerprints on my right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 725

You deserved it 2 032

By dadyoureacunt - 21/09/2013 13:10 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 551

You deserved it 7 476

Sharing is caring

By Joseph - 27/02/2016 02:52 - United States - El Paso

Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 332

You deserved it 1 903

By rmonk - 24/02/2016 13:13 - United States - Naperville

Today, I went to my required district science fair with my project about gliders and was a bit unprepared in terms of personal knowledge on the science behind gliders. I was hoping I would get a judge who didn't know a lot about aerodynamics. One of my judges was a glider pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 702

You deserved it 22 975

By boss stabber - 04/01/2015 06:52 - United States - Kings Beach

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 554

You deserved it 2 479

By Anonymous - 13/11/2011 08:40 - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 967

You deserved it 2 509

By Professional_Ars - 18/10/2018 12:00

Today, my coworker brought chocolate muffins to work for everyone. This would have been really nice if they hadn't tasted like rotten blueberry muffins spray-painted brown. I reflexively gagged after taking a bite and coughed up a brown mush in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 543

You deserved it 239

Go mom!

By disgusted - 04/10/2012 23:24 - United States - Clarksville

Spicy

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said, "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 768

You deserved it 3 324

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 06/11/2011 00:04 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 347

You deserved it 41 092

Be careful tonight!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - France - Ville-d'avray

Spicy

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 031

You deserved it 2 209

By DarkChild - 11/02/2016 22:18 - France

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 46

By tdawgg - 06/09/2013 14:12 - Canada - Calgary

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 950

You deserved it 3 420

tdawgg tells us more.

tdawgg 7

Saturday 7 September 2013 2:19

We sell electrical wire by the foot, she may have a more handy family member at home that need it, but she did come back an hour later and got 50 feet... I think her computers in the middle of her backyard. :P. sad thing is, we deal with these kinds of requests ever day... Retail sucks!!

By anun - 14/01/2014 14:06 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 062

You deserved it 7 110

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 18:36 - United States - Milford

Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 344

You deserved it 2 018

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The Top

The Top

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 54

Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 859

You deserved it 42 512

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 559

You deserved it 23 218

Today, my wife and I went shopping for new glasses at a local store, but we didn't really get to actually buying one. On our way back, she warned me that my glasses of choice should in no way be 'those big arty ones'. When I asked her why not, she told me that I 'look gay enough already'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 787

You deserved it 6 373

Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 347

You deserved it 3 057

Today, I drank two and a half Panera charged lemonades to feel more motivated and ended up feeling itchy and overstimulated due to the lethal caffeine-sugar combo and got nothing done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 676