Miscellaneous

Merry Xmas

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Jeromesville

Today, a friend had invited me to Christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there, she told me that her and her husband had forgotten they had another dinner to go to, and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

agreeclassic 39 449

vote type 1 2 933

I'm a loser, baby

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

agreeclassic 26 605

vote type 1 9 994

Smartass

By dumbass for a flatmate - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML

agreeclassic 29 581

vote type 1 3 857

Ouch

By ouch - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Union City

Today, I stopped to replace a stuffed bear that had fallen from a small memorial for a girl killed nearby. Her mom happened to walk by and thought I was stealing it. She hit me with her purse. FML

agreeclassic 34 895

vote type 1 2 541

Asshats

By anon - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And I was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML

agreeclassic 84 579

vote type 1 4 985

Pranked

By fucker43 - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made the effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 48 127

vote type 1 4 791

Awkward

By ChickenBallsPlease - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

agreeclassic 43 796

vote type 1 16 888

Oh no…

By x.x - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, I was taking a shower when the soap began to burn my eyes worse than they've ever burned before. I quickly grabbed whatever cloth I could find to rub my eyes with. My dad's old underwear was the last thing I would expect to find lying near the tub. FML

agreeclassic 42 687

vote type 1 5 881

My personal Gettysburg

By Earthboundb - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I just got back from a Civil War Reenactment in Virginia, my first big event in years. I spent over $200 on gas and food, and had to drive for over 10 hours both ways from Massachusetts. When I finally got there I realized I had left my uniform at home. FML

agreeclassic 28 363

vote type 1 61 900

Rotation

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

agreeclassic 63 730

vote type 1 17 617

Tricked

By drug testing - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Little Chute

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

agreeclassic 43 405

vote type 1 15 543

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 23 599

vote type 1 1 756

Trans rights! (but also trans wrongs)

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bargoed

Today, my ex came out as transgender. I had absolutely no problem with this, in fact I celebrated her bravery. What I did have a problem with was all my friends immediately assuming that this was the reason I broke up with her, and not that she'd cheated on me for six months. FML

agreeclassic 27 696

vote type 1 1 968

The truth

By unfortunate - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

agreeclassic 50 476

vote type 1 3 245

Plumbing issues

By thirddegreeburned - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

agreeclassic 30 543

vote type 1 2 683

Executive confusing

By DoseyGit - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML

agreeclassic 4 212

vote type 1 3 195

Casual…

By bnc - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were, "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

agreeclassic 48 386

vote type 1 4 116

Hooligans

By Agax - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Riverside

Today, I was playing soccer when a player kicked the ball at my crotch. In pain, I kneeled down. The referee came up to me and whispered, "The smaller they are, the more it hurts." FML

agreeclassic 46 965

vote type 1 4 121

Can't take it anymore

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 42 088

vote type 1 6 607

Lifestyle clash

By joe - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML

agreeclassic 33 060

vote type 1 8 459

Improvised

By Geraldine - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, it's been three days since my husband got into free-jazz. He plays all the time in our small apartment. Loud. It's like listening to three guys build a shed for 10 giant angry wasps. FML

agreeclassic 23 709

vote type 1 2 853

Nice try

By klutz - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

agreeclassic 14 947

vote type 1 57 269

Safety test

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML

agreeclassic 25 344

vote type 1 4 450

Thanks, Dad

By jasonnn - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML

agreeclassic 26 638

vote type 1 2 455

I'm awake

By meh beard - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

agreeclassic 21 922

vote type 1 1 645

Tipsy

By Anon - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

agreeclassic 21 562

vote type 1 4 284

Red alert

By firefighter - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

agreeclassic 11 236

vote type 1 45 727

Smells like… victory

By sickofthesmelltoo - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

agreeclassic 37 065

vote type 1 3 168

Richard

By dickface - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

agreeclassic 21 624

vote type 1 1 620

Nightmare fuel

By TheHezzer - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

agreeclassic 30 018

vote type 1 2 392

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, an old friend of mine refused to go to a movie with me. Turns out he was sitting in front of me with my girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 14 739

vote type 1 875

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

agreeclassic 28 280

vote type 1 2 886

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

agreeclassic 40 755

vote type 1 3 897

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

agreeclassic 28 009

vote type 1 1 977

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

agreeclassic 26 438

vote type 1 4 090

Today, I learned that my husband is attracted to obese, unhealthy women after celebrating my weight loss of 175lbs and improving my overall health. FML

agreeclassic 5 291

vote type 1 432