Random Spicy

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I've ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 262

By wow - 28/11/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 958

You deserved it 2 074

You Sexty Thing

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 06:53 - United States - Prairie City

Today, my girlfriend is upset with me for not wanting to sext. I can't sext with her because she adds "lol" to everything, which turns me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 206

You deserved it 6 601

Mind your own business

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 16:00

Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 255

By mee - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 178

You deserved it 8 861

What have you done this time?

By rockefoe - 15/11/2010 20:49 - United States

Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says, "I love you" are after he screws up or when he wants a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 679

You deserved it 6 732

Terms and conditions

By albinoalligator - 04/07/2016 00:48 - United States - Elkton

Today, I declined an apartment because it didn't have a detachable shower head that I could use for my enjoyment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 403

You deserved it 20 274

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 413

You deserved it 3 194

By shandrith - 03/07/2009 14:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 435

You deserved it 253 231

Punished

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 496

You deserved it 23 092

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 024

You deserved it 45 691

Here's to another 20!

By Roy - 08/11/2023 12:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, it’s been 20 years since my then girlfriend of 2 weeks fell asleep while I was going down on her. She claimed it was because she was so ‘relaxed’ with me. I married her anyway. Now, she’s still very, very ‘relaxed’ with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 519

Happy Birthday

By shmoooopie - 29/05/2015 03:39 - United States - Medina

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 701

You deserved it 3 904

By Sherry - 11/07/2012 13:29 - United States - Middletown

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 094

You deserved it 3 207

Cute but annoying

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 427

You deserved it 14 025

By dynomyte - 11/02/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 998

You deserved it 8 159

Avoidance

By Anonymous - 25/06/2023 00:02

Today, we got back from vacation. In the lead up to our vacation, my girlfriend talked excitedly about all the sex we could have. When we got to the hotel, I heard, "I can't be comfortable, what if they hear us in the hall?" After we got home, first thing was, "I want to deep clean the bedroom, sex can wait." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 298

By Confused - 22/08/2012 16:33 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 853

You deserved it 4 440

Soft as snow

By Anonymous - 25/09/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered why my new boyfriend likes his sex slow and loving, like super slow. It’s because, despite being in shape, he’s so unfit that if he tries to go hard and fast he struggles to breathe and passes out on top of me. Guess my love life is limited to one mile an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 213

Choose your moments

By Anonymous - 15/05/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend stopped in the middle of sex because she had sudden inspiration about what colour to repaint our bedroom, and wanted to find the colour name online before she forgot it. By the time she was done, I’d gone soft and grumpy, and she got mad I didn’t want to finish having sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 184

By whygod - 12/06/2016 13:45

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old sister, naked, streaming herself eating a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 434

You deserved it 1 419

Great plan, kiddo

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 16:00

Today, my daughter confessed to me she is pregnant from a guy she had a three-minute hook up with in an alley with, but I shouldn’t worry because she’ll make plenty of money from her OnlyFans, since lots of guys like pregnancy porn, Plus it gives her a real good reason to quit smoking. I'm gobsmacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 409

Grey's Anatomy

By baow - 17/03/2019 14:00

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently having bragged the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well, guess who got a whiskey dick… FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 3 777

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 883

You deserved it 18 715

What goes up…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 17:02

Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn’t stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she’s probably never going to speak to us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 334

You deserved it 346

DELETE! DELETE!

By Hunter101 - 12/05/2012 04:24 - United States - Humble

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I'd left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 571

You deserved it 64 860

By Anonymous - 27/06/2009 08:20 - Japan

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 597

You deserved it 10 429

By littl3storm - 12/05/2019 21:30

Today, I found out that I work with a bunch of sex addicts. One of them is my cousin, and she did NOT hold back when telling me her and her fiancé's plans about swinging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 15/01/2015 15:12 - United States

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 357

You deserved it 5 357

Randy buggers

By Josie - 21/02/2011 07:46 - Australia

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 207

You deserved it 3 861

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 113

You deserved it 4 131

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 299

You deserved it 33 861

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 258

You deserved it 5 572

Today, I thought it would be cool to take a picture of the guy whose kids I’m babysitting's Tesla and post it on my Instagram, passing it off as mine. I learned to keep my profile private, because the guy found my pic and posted, "Actually that’s my car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 2 407

Today, I went up to take a shower. I typically go to the bathroom first, I take a mega dump, then flush the toilet. Not only wouldn't the toilet flush but I found out my parents only keep one plunger on hand. It was in the downstairs bathroom. My dad came upstairs and plunged the toilet while I stood there naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 302

Today, my blind mother kept covering her ears any time I spoke to her and kept counting down every 20 minutes to the upcoming NFL game, which came on at 4pm. Finally dejected, my husband and I left after kickoff. She made my father call to guilt trip us about how she wanted us to stay for the game for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 112