Intimacy: Nooooooo!

Nooooooo!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 11:23 - United States

Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally two seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 300

You deserved it 15 013

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Same thing different taste

Like a virgin

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 17:01

Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 794

You deserved it 509

Mortified

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 01:08 - United States - Joplin

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 282

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 265

You deserved it 12 879

Technology hates humans

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 301

Dude, were you just in a McDonald's?

By Anonymous - 25/12/2022 15:00

Today, it started off as a good day, until my guy friend called me in the middle of me turning my vibrator on. He was crying so I couldn’t finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 844

Busted

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 20:00

Today, I received my package. I ordered a vibrator, I was so excited to use it, but when I was finally ready to use it, I found out that it broke during the delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 272

So frustrated!

By Anonymous - 17/08/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, after I decided to explore my bisexual side since none of the four men I’ve been in relationships with ever got me to orgasm, I’ve now slept with three women this year. None of them got me to orgasm either. I guess I should just buy a vibrator or something. I’ll probably marry it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 171

By Confused - 22/08/2012 16:33 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 829

You deserved it 4 434

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 206

You deserved it 4 539

Medieval ******

By Brittney - 16/01/2023 00:00

Today, I started an electrical fire trying to charge my vibrators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 382

FBIWarning 0

Monday 15 June 2009 20:03

jeeze how long were you at it for the battery to die?

Nev09 0

Monday 15 June 2009 20:02

next time: 1) set up webcam 2) post up movie 3) ???? 4) profit!

Comments

jiggles101 0

Tuesday 16 June 2009 3:14

Maybe your a lesbo

kitkatkelly 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 4:39

Wtf?

ellameno 2

Tuesday 16 June 2009 3:25

Maybe use new batteries next time? Actually, as a frequent vibrator user, I suggest you buy a battery charger and some rechargeable batteries, because you're going to be going through batteries like mad.

ellameno 2

Tuesday 16 June 2009 3:28

Also, #168, 169, and 170, I feel very sorry for any girl you're with because you clearly know nothing about the female body.

rachhXO 0

Tuesday 16 June 2009 3:37

lmfao. what a creeper. the world doesn't need to know about your masturbation troubles.

GriefBacon 0

Tuesday 16 June 2009 3:39

Batteries on vibrators do not die that quickly. Unless you took ten hours to get to climax, in which case, you might want to question whether or not your parents had you castrated as an infant. :/

LSeb 0

Tuesday 16 June 2009 3:50

How would you know how close you were if you've never done it before?

littlehead_fml 0

Tuesday 16 June 2009 4:05

f your life . ! oh maaan , tht SUCKS !

blackbear6193 0

Tuesday 16 June 2009 4:07

#158, wtf? no one likes a space hog. also #157 is right. things with batteries dont just die, they get weaker. why do people post fake fml's? for sympathy? cuz almost every comment i read is like "you deserved it fatty" or "ur a retard." will someone like dane cook or demetri martin post an fml, then at least it will be funny.

star_ver 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 9:16

Dane Cook??? DIAF -_-...

Anu_Ra 0

Tuesday 16 June 2009 4:17

Coming from a person who was a chronic vibrator user... ALWAYS pack extra batteries. LOTS OF EM. But seriously you should really learn how to use your fingers. Once you master yourself, you can teach others how to master yourself. Trust me, my bf was once a student, but then with teaching the student surpassed the master :D :D :D