Turns out Tinder Sucks - 14/01/2017 07:28

Today, I told my girlfriend that I have depression so she broke up with me because if she couldn't make me happy then it'll not work out,

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You're cut off. - 14/01/2017 07:16

Today, while serving a large party at work. I had to cut a guest off because of his drunken shenanigans. He then decided to leave without paying for his bill. Fml.

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DisneyPrincess21 - 14/01/2017 05:45

Today, my kids fell asleep watching Aladdin so my bf and I decided to get intimate in the other room. While he was fingering me, he heard the guy in the market offer "Fresh Fish" ad Jasmine walked by. He stops for a second and asks me "How is there fresh fish in the desert?" FML

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tag33 - 14/01/2017 04:55

Today, my wife said she wants to separate and doesn't know if our marriage is healthy for her. Three weeks ago I had foot surgery, and the day before that my brother killed himself. We've only been married for 2 months. FML

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jenkirob - 14/01/2017 04:52

Today, I got back from a work trip in Portland. they had record snow and we couldn't leave the hotel for 2 days. I live in St. Louis, we are having an ice storm and can't leave my house. FML

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Strained - 14/01/2017 04:50

Today, I started replacing the CV Axle on my car. The old one took hours to get out due to rust, and the new one wasn't the right part. I went to three different stores to find one that did fit into the transmission only to find that it was just barely too long. FML

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Mood Equals Ruined - 14/01/2017 04:23

Today, my wife and I decided to get intimate while we were home alone. I pulled her panties off with my teeth, bent her over in preparation for doggy style penetration, and was promptly greeted with a fart. In my face.

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CivicDuty - 14/01/2017 04:07

Today, I was going through the process of being on a jury and ended up being selected. My boss incessantly called, texted, and emailed me asking how long it was going to take, when I would be back, and what I could do to get out of it. And in the end, my job security was threatened. FML

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Badstuffhappens - 14/01/2017 04:01

Today I was showering and I had to lean against the shower wall to balance myself and wash my feet when I smelled something bad and I turned around to see pee COVERING the wall. FML

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- 14/01/2017 03:37

Today, I forgot about my coffee while typing an email. I microwaved it and went back to my email. I reheated my coffee 6 more times over 2hrs before finally taking a sip...the cream had curdled. morning coffee ruined...

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- 14/01/2017 02:35

Today, I spent my entire day off, from my retail job, completing a "driver improvement program" because of an out of state ticket I got... four months ago. FML

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Browney - 14/01/2017 01:34

Today I forgot I had a house inspection and left my bong out on the table while I wasent home the landlord saw it and my bag of weed "FML"

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tired medical student - 14/01/2017 01:21

Today, after getting home I went to put my Starbucks on my desk and throw my bag onto my bed, I somehow mixed up my hands and put my bag on my desk. You can guess what I did with my Starbucks, all over my freshly washed sheets FML

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- 14/01/2017 01:02

Today, I realized that the only things I want for my birthday are a desk chair and textbooks for the next school year. I'm thirteen, and am starting to understand why I have no friends. FML

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scared - 14/01/2017 00:51

Today, My parents were out so I was relaxing with my pants off, and I started to watch a bit of porn and masturbate. Then I heard a loud noise and realized a strange man was mowing my backyard. No one told me he was coming and the windows were partially open. I had a panic attack. FML

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Lostinlife - 14/01/2017 00:02

Today my boyfriend of eleven years broke up with me via text message after I left for work. Now I have to move in with my mom at 33 years old because this shit came out of no where. FML

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Anonymous - 13/01/2017 21:59

Today, I was rejected from every sorority on my campus. FML

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pee stream kitty - 13/01/2017 21:28

Today, my fiancé peed on my cat. He didn't mean to, but at 1am, my fiancé is in the bathroom and I hear a bunch of ruckus. Then "SH*T babe I peed on the cat!!!" Long story short, my kitten tried to attack his pee stream and landed in the toilet bowl. Thats the story of my kittens first bath..

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Vela - 13/01/2017 21:27

Today I got dumped, yesterday my car got stolen and on Monday I got fired. Great start to the year. FML

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- 13/01/2017 21:04

Today, I was walking and talking to my friend, not paying attention to where I was headed. Me pelvic bone had a nice introduction to the corner of a table. FML.

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- 13/01/2017 20:14

Today, I realized that my favorite part of the day is when my boyfriend leaves really early for work. Why? because he is a giant bed hog and I can finally spread out comfortably. FML.

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muchsadsocry - 13/01/2017 18:57

Today, my ex of five months posted his one year anniversary with his new girlfriend on Facebook. FML

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Soria - 13/01/2017 18:30

Today I found out that my best friend is going on my dream trip/vacation. I'm not invited. FML

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lily - 13/01/2017 17:03

Today, my husband has turned me down for sex twice today, then I caught him masturbating to Japanese cartoon porn. Basically cartoons turn him on more than me. FML

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jennchri - 13/01/2017 17:00

Today, I was laying in bed and managed to drop my phone at the perfect angle to chip my front tooth. 600 dollars later I have a new tooth. FML

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- 13/01/2017 15:15

Today, I found out that my brother, whilst bored at the stables while I was riding,has taught the new horse how to pull people's pants down.How did I find out?When I got my pants yanked down going to mount him for the first time after my regular horse was lame.At a show.In front of over 200ppl.FML

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bodino - 13/01/2017 13:48

Today, I had to fire a 71yr old ret. army vet. In 3 weeks he has broken two company phones, fainted getting out of his company truck and two days prior, got in an accident. I don't think he'll soldier on without a job. FML

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- 13/01/2017 13:13

Today, I was riding a motorcycle for the second time in my life with my brother behind me. I did it right the first time and was confident. I lost control of the bike over a speed breaker and fell. Several scratches and a dented motorbike later, I realised today is Friday the 13th. FML

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- 13/01/2017 12:46

Today, my boss told me to start looking for another job. I asked for him to be a reference on one of my applications, then he fired me. FML

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