Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15692) - you totally deserved it (18463)
On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)
(0)If it was still unused then the OP wouldn't have written the FML
#16 - On 01/08/2010 at 5:26pm by applesmoothiee
(0)Brian what is this?
my poop
well what's it doing on the front yard?
oh my gosh gotta sneeze gotta sneeze *choo*..... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!1
#104 - On 01/09/2010 at 4:06am by stone_light
(0)So that was YOUR excuse for having poo on your face when you came back from the bathroom. What was the other guy's excuse?
(+1)Eh, you deserve it. Even I dont cover my mouth when I sneeze in private away from things that people will touch without washing their hands afterwards. And you need to improve your sneezing habits. Sneeze into your arm/shoulder.
(0)I think you need to improve your sneezing habits, Compass. Whe you sneeze the mucus is expelled from your body at 90 to 100mph, and can travel a distance of two meters in zero wind. This means that if you are indoors the chances are your germ laden mucus will touch a wall or some other surface that someone else could touch. If you sneeze into your shoulder or arm they are not so easy to wash immediately. You should sneeze into a tissue and dispose of it straight away or sneeze into your hands and wash them straight away. I'm glad I'm not around you when you have a cold or the flu.
(0)Ya except its not necessary to immediately wash yur shoulder/arm all the time whereas if yur at work in any kind of food place your hands are not an option, and tissues rarely are either. Washing is also not always 100% effective as most ppl rush through it to get on with their day, therefore i must disagree with you and say yur wrong
(0)Are you saying it's better to sneeze into a poopy piece of toilet paper than to sneeze on the wall? Cause that's just nasty!
(0)I hate people like u that give a whole lesson on a comment. trust me, no one cares!! go be a smartass somewhere else. I'm proven to be gifted and talented but I don't be showin it off
(0)how do you extinctively do that use your other hand or something
#12 - On 01/08/2010 at 5:19pm by sexpanther10
(0)I kinda had a feeling that if somebody beat me to that comment it was going to be you
OP- wow I hope nobody tried to kiss you right after that
(-1)Yet another reason I don't use toilet paper. Not only does it leave you unclean down there, it also uncleans up here.
(+3)I never knew one could brown nose themselves, I always thought it had be a move carfully executed on a superior, good work!
#19 - On 01/08/2010 at 5:30pm by Spaceghost77
(-1)that's diguesting you just wiped your face with your piss or even your own shit considering you said "wipe my ass" yaaa definality fyl,you should of held it in lol
#21 - On 01/08/2010 at 5:31pm by logieebearr
(0)im laughing my ass off... try not to go scavenging for flyaway turds to powder your face.. :)
ydi, for thats not the correct definition of being an asswipe lol but seriously.. think.... :D
#33 - On 01/08/2010 at 6:10pm by daydreamstar
(+1)SO sick. but YDI for covering w ur hand. Sharing is not caring in this instance. we don't want ur nose germs
(+1)Why didn't you sneeze into your elbow? You should do that instead of into your hand..and why did you use the hand that was holding the toilet paper to cover your mouth with? Didn't you have a free hand?? YDI
(0)Odds are he was wiping with his dominant hand. Most people I've seen will automatically use their dominant arm/hand/shoulder if they sneeze without even thinking about it. Unfortunately that meant getting a hand of shit in their face.
#42 - On 01/08/2010 at 6:46pm by BLNovelist
(0)How do you sneeze into your elbow?... Also, the OP didn't purposely sneeze on the hand, it was an instinct..
#69 - On 01/08/2010 at 10:15pm by SirensMelody
(0)You bring your arm up to your face...you don't actually sneeze on your elbow...but you get that basic area so that if you spray your snot and spit everywhere when you sneeze, it's not getting on your hands and you don't spread around germs...especially if you're sick. Duh.
#70 - On 01/08/2010 at 10:21pm by welderchick87
(0)you hold your arm out in front of you, bending it toward you and sneeze into the crook of your elbow
#82 - On 01/08/2010 at 11:54pm by _sourpatchkid
(0)Wow, thanks for supplying me with such a good laugh this evening.
My appreciations.
#44 - On 01/08/2010 at 6:51pm by blardyblardyblar
(0)this is better then the monkey that threw shit at a guy face in india. YDI ain't it shitty that it happen.
(0)i just got done laughing 5 minutes later and before i read the comments, i made the same joke as #46 nood. my brother loved it when i said that and was cracking up!
#48 - On 01/08/2010 at 7:12pm by houston21
(+1)thats not weird, i give myself dirty sanchezes all the time
#60 - On 01/08/2010 at 9:24pm by rallychild
(0)i guess it really is more sanitary to sneeze into your elbow...
#63 - On 01/08/2010 at 9:39pm by soclumsy26
(0)This is where manners will get you in life! How the fuck do you sneeze on your elbow? Unless you have an abnormally large nose. :')
#66 - On 01/08/2010 at 9:47pm by AsAlwaysAndrew
(0)did you even think to use the other hand, OP?? I have no sympathy for you, loser. or should I say poop-face loser.....
#74 - On 01/08/2010 at 10:40pm by quietlytearful
(0)Sneeze into your elbow. Duh. Plus that way you won't get a bunch of other people sick.
#75 - On 01/08/2010 at 11:08pm by einauglein
(0)you should get into the habit of sneezing into your sleeve anyways... that'll teach you
#81 - On 01/08/2010 at 11:43pm by Acceleration995
(+1)I'm appalled by the number of people who don't know how to sneeze into their elbows.
#87 - On 01/09/2010 at 12:32am by CyclonePsycho
(0)EW. LOL!
And yeah, sneeze into your elbow/armpit. More hygienic, and you're less likely to shove shit-covered toilet paper into your face.
#90 - On 01/09/2010 at 12:58am by ultravioletfoil
(0)YDI but this is seriously one of the funniest FML's I've ever read. LOL.
#95 - On 01/09/2010 at 2:13am by girlpenguin
(0) An ass is a donkey. Why were you wiping your donkey with toilet paper?
And how come the FML app doesn't make the first letter a capital in these comments :(
#100 - On 01/09/2010 at 3:02am by tomisbetterthanu
(+1) OH MY GOD!
I hope it was charmin, don't want your nose getting irritated by the less soft competitors!
#102 - On 01/09/2010 at 3:43am by britneylover
(0)YDI. Sneezing into your hand is a habit, not an instinct. You fail for being an unhygienic slob.
#105 - On 01/09/2010 at 4:33am by RuralNinja
(0)wipe with your opposite hand? then you get it in your hand. odds are, if they do this they'll do that.
(0)i was gonna pwn you so bad and rub your nose in it but you've already done that.
#111 - On 01/09/2010 at 6:17am by muffinsareyummy
(0)the doctor says, EWWWW there is no medication to make that memory go away
#114 - On 01/09/2010 at 7:50am by lamblover486
(0)You cover your mouth when you sneeze? What's the point with that when it's through the nose? YDI for not letting go off the paper and x2 for sneezing on your hand...
#118 - On 01/09/2010 at 8:59am by UnluckyAsUsual
(0)I'm not sure I've ever sneezed through my nose, except when I'm sick and really snotty... spit always flies out of my mouth instead. I've always heard this is bad for you, but if I'm in important/formal public or wearing something nice, I pinch my nostrils shut and force my mouth shut to sneeze. *shrug*
(0)eew.. that's really nasty, and disgusting, and yucky.. eeeeew..! FYL!
#120 - On 01/09/2010 at 9:44am by queenofdeath
(0)ewww!!! idiot how can u not remember 2 let go off ur toilet paper?!
#121 - On 01/09/2010 at 11:01am by myliferox247
(0)this is probably how swine flu started...and why youre supposed to sneeze into your ELBOW
#128 - On 01/09/2010 at 2:54pm by Redjourney88
(0)whats so great about sneezing into your elbow? I can wash my hands much easier than I can my elbow. Is it acceptable to leave snot on your arm because it doesnt touch anyone? not really.
#135 - On 01/09/2010 at 8:40pm by hail_sheezer
(0)wow rly? not touching = not harming, not harming = not harmful, not harmful = no effect, need i continue genius
(0)So you now actually know what your own crap tastes like?
#129 - On 01/09/2010 at 3:42pm by Carbonchild
(0)Early contender for the funniest thing I'll read this year.
#133 - On 01/09/2010 at 7:48pm by NyronNosworthy
(0)Talk about a fake FML.
Since when does anybody sneeze out of their mouth?
...noob
#142 - On 01/10/2010 at 7:36am by jabuuty671
(0)Are you actually like a downer? thats the stupidest thing ive ever heard. You sneeze and you cover your nose/mouth with a tissue it will get both. Yur a fucking noob you dumbass, either get a brain or dont troll either way yur fucking stupid
(0)hey, i usually sneeze with my mouth, cuz if my nose is really stuffed and i have no tissue i just like let the force of the air out of my mouth so snot doesnt blow everywhere
#154 - On 01/11/2010 at 10:47pm by ThatOneDude25
(0)YDI cause you could've sneezed into your other hand...your hands need washed anyway from wiping your ass...
(0)if your bf wants to give yo u dirty sanchez you can now decline by saying you already tried it and didn't like it.
#150 - On 01/11/2010 at 7:33am by beertime36
(0)AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just laughed for like a straight 10 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is a super fail! i can totally see this happening =) hahahahaahaha YOUR FACE!!!!
FUQ YO LIFE MATE!!!!!!!!!!! sucks to be you =)
lol this is DEFINATELY a favorite =)
#155 - On 01/12/2010 at 2:38am by Spac3Ghost
(0)ROFL
FYL!!
I died laughing when I first read it XDDDD
#156 - On 01/13/2010 at 4:39am by DawnFireAngel
(0)Am i the only one who finds his name funnier than his story?
Sorry, but Huge Ankles? Seriously? What kind of parent names their kid after unfortunately placed baby fat?
(0)hahah ! favorited! that's nasty thou!
use orbit, for a clean mouth!
#167 - On 05/12/2010 at 7:31am by sassyjesSa
