Today, I broke up with my boyfriend whom I love dearly because he doesn't share his feelings and won't commit. Yesterday, he wrote me a long love letter telling me he wanted to marry me. One of my kids had shoved it under my printer and I didn't find it until after he had moved out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18362) - you totally deserved it (5471)
On 11/16/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by lynxstorm - United States (Illinois)
I'm sorry, but who breaks up with someone for not sharing their feelings? Not everyone has to be an emotional pussbag to feel emotions.
He was ready to commit, and you didn't managed to clear things up before dumping him ?
Well, you must have messed up the dumping pretty bad to not even give him a hint or a chance to tell you directly he was ready to commit.
Exactly what I was thinking. You didn't tell him why? He didn't point out that he had proposed in writing?
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
1) You're an idiot for having children.
2) You should have talked to him about it.
You deserved that.
#5 - On 11/17/2009 at 6:16am by fourzerofour
I think the dumbest thing on this site that I've ever read is, "You're an idiot for having children." So...kettle calling the pot black, I guess.
#7 - On 11/17/2009 at 6:21am by vetter
What the fuck?
She's an idiot for having children?
That's like saying your mother is an idiot for having you.
#10 - On 11/17/2009 at 6:36am by Ohnothingreally
Did it ever occur to any of you morons that the kids were from a previous marriage? Hence the kid hiding the letter because perhaps he/she didn't like mom's boyfriend?
God, a lot of you are thick.
#56 - On 11/17/2009 at 1:13pm by avoidthegirl
Yeah, did you just not explain why you thought the relationship wasn't working when you broke up with him? This seems pretty avoidable if you were able to communicate at all. For that matter, who writes a letter like that? Just be a man and say it.
#8 - On 11/17/2009 at 6:24am by ForestFire0
some ppl really just suck at vocal expression
my mum always writes letters to me when she wants to apologize for something big or whatever
it gets really annoying but I've learnt to put up with it. I think she just finds it immensely difficult to tell me straight out, for some reason *shrugz*
#88 - On 11/18/2009 at 8:15am by OLOtheDemigodess
Yeah, did you just not explain why you thought the relationship wasn't working when you broke up with him? This seems pretty avoidable if you were able to communicate at all. For that matter, who writes a letter like that? Just be a man and say it.
#9 - On 11/17/2009 at 6:26am by ForestFire0
YDI for being stuborn enough to think that he didn't share the same feelings towards you.. well now it's up to you. it's not like he died, so move your damn butt instead of writing on FML.
To all who say YDI because of the illegitimate children you seriously need to mind your own fucking business.. as if your backyard was immaculate.
#12 - On 11/17/2009 at 6:41am by Mikeymikey
... you are a whore... you commited once.. had children.. now your commiting this easily again?
#13 - On 11/17/2009 at 6:51am by xfmylifexxx
Having children in a previous relationship (possibly marriage) doesn't make her a whore. You can love someone and think they are who you will be with indefinitely and then it falls apart years later. There's no way of knowing.
#23 - On 11/17/2009 at 8:49am by catastrophicsock
Her previous husband could also be dead, in which case the Bible states that a woman really should be married right away. So all of you fundamentalists in the audience here can shut the hell up.
#26 - On 11/17/2009 at 9:14am by pleasetryagain
why is everyone sayin she is a whore because she has kids...wat if this kid is 16 years old...the dad has been dead for 10 years and now she is trying to find someone else. or is that still too early for you guys? you kids make it sound like women are two things, either a virgin or a whore.
Bahahahaha! That's got to be the best reason ever for a YDI
#39 - On 11/17/2009 at 11:04am by JustAnotherTina
The guy didn't care about you enough if he didn't have the balls to say it out loud before he moved out. If he loved you he would - and probably still will - do his best to get you back. And if he doesn't bother, it wasn't meant to be. Chalk this one up to fate.
Of course, if it's that important to you, the phone works both ways.
THANK YOU. You're the first person to make sense here. The OP was upset because this guy wasn't committing to her and instead of telling her how he really feels, he writes it somewhere like a pussy. When she doesn't bring it up he doesn't mention a SINGLE THING about the letter or it's contents.
Presumably, he had a long time to say something before she broke up with him, but he didn't do it. He could have said something when she was telling him the reasons for the breakup. How is she the bad person for not wanting to put up with her boyfriend being a huge pussy?
#27 - On 11/17/2009 at 9:18am by pleasetryagain
Some people are just better at writing out their feelings instead of directly expressing them. But if you're that needy you probably did him a huge favor...
didn't want to commit??
he was already moved in with you...that's not enough of a sign telling you he wants commitment??!
Living together isn't the same as making a committment. Do you realize how many people agree to live with someone as a way to side-step marriage? They do it to make their partner believe that relationship is progressing and marriage is eminent when they actually just want to delay the decision to commit and figure that living together will, "shut him/her up for a while (about marriage)".
#29 - On 11/17/2009 at 9:26am by Jewelofagal
YDI for watching Beyonce's Single Ladies video 1 too many times.
#18 - On 11/17/2009 at 7:39am by JustaAngel
Call him back and tell him you found the letter ? Apologise ? Soooo easily fixed, you must be stupid.
#19 - On 11/17/2009 at 7:40am by onyxindigo
One change in his behavior (writing the letter) doesn't undo the fact that he's still the same person he's always been (someone unable to commit and show his feelings). His M.O. isn't what she needs or wants, so she would be wise to not chase him down because of one last-ditch letter in which he never bothered to follow up verbally.
#30 - On 11/17/2009 at 9:34am by Jewelofagal
This makes no sense to me. After you broke up for that reason, he didnt once protest and say "but I wrote you that letter, WTF? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ljq0mYbqyqc&feature=player_embedded
The guy lives with you and wants to propose to you in a letter?
I hope you didn't want any more children, because that coward has no balls.
And you didn't discuss this with him first? YDI hardcore.
#24 - On 11/17/2009 at 8:54am by DynamicDave
YDI. He should have protested - though maybe he figured you had already read the letter and discarded it. Now just get a hold of him and apologize like crazy.
#25 - On 11/17/2009 at 8:55am by strangersdk
Why? So he can continue to act like a cold fish? That's who he is and one letter doesn't change that.
#31 - On 11/17/2009 at 9:37am by Jewelofagal
a lot of ppl have trouble opening up... i agree that no one should propose in a letter (lol what a dumbass), but maybe he has issues about being so open about his feelings. if thats the case, writing a letter isnt something to bash. i think it should actually be suggested.
if you want him back so bad OP, call him :)
#32 - On 11/17/2009 at 9:55am by lifesize_barbie
If he didn't say anything about it when you broke up with him, then you are so much better off without him. I think that you only consider this an FML because you are grasping at straws. You would probably call him laid back and quiet… or passive and unable to express himself. However you want to look at it. You've been wishing he would show a sign of being the man you wish he would be, and he did, but too late. You should leave it like that. If he didn't come up with the couarge to tell you how he felt even as he was moving out, he will not be the kind of life partner you want. Even if he seems to be everything else you want. This is kind of the big one. There are more people out there. If he hasn't changed by now, after an incident like this, he never will. Don't settle.
#33 - On 11/17/2009 at 10:13am by Unsaturatedfatty
Yes, a lot of people have trouble being open about their feelings. The OP wants someone who doesn't have an issue with communicating his feelings. One letter in a "last ditch" situation doesn't change that he's more "buttoned up" and isn't comfortable being open about how he feels on a regular basis.
To take him back now just means she's agreeing to more of the same behavior that caused her to break off the relationship originally.
#34 - On 11/17/2009 at 10:17am by Jewelofagal
Did you tell him *anything* before breaking it off? Did you even tell him you had concerns? I can't imagine how you could have broken up with him without giving him a chance to explain that he did want to commit. YDI
#35 - On 11/17/2009 at 10:32am by Telcontar14
YDI!
Lucky him, he doesnt have to take care of YOUR kids anymore. Sounds like he got out just in time.
OP - good luck finding someone else!
#37 - On 11/17/2009 at 11:02am by donkey_hang_down
Nice job driving him away you self centered bitch. Women are so caught up in commitment that they can look past all the good things going for them and fuck it all up.
"Self centered"? If she plans to marry, have (more) kids, etc., then that is her right. And if he has no apparent interest in that life, then they are on two different paths and are wasting each other's time. If neither of them wants to compromise, what's the point in staying together when the time could be spent looking for someone who wants the same thing out of life?
She's not fucking self-centered to want a guy to commit. STFU.
#40 - On 11/17/2009 at 11:07am by Intoxicunt
Intoxicunt- You're making it sound like just because he has a hard time talking about his feelings means he doesn't want kids or a stable married life. The issues is this "apparent interest" topic. If he truly loved her, he was probably showing it in other ways. Then it's just a matter of insecurities. If you have to have them saying it and talking about it in order to believe it and feel it, then getting out is a good idea. But of course that is self centered. And wanting a guy to commit is self-centered. But relationships should be. If you aren't in it to make yourself happy, to get something out of it, then why be in it? But you certainly aren't going to find happiness by finding fault, and then not communicating or working on it. That's not being self-centered, that's being something else....
#46 - On 11/17/2009 at 11:47am by Improbability
You make good points. I kind of assumed he wasn't just bottling stuff up, but was blatantly like "Nah, I don't think I want this to get any more serious." In which case, there is an impasse and it's a dead-end relationship (unless one of them can change their mind). But you could very well be right, that she was requiring some very specific display of love or something, while he's busting his ass showing his feelings in some other way.
#55 - On 11/17/2009 at 1:13pm by Intoxicunt
I'm getting really annoyed at the frequency of postings that are basically, "F my life because I failed to communicate and/or had unreasonable expectations." Why are there so many women who seem to think they shouldn't have to talk it out, that the man should just know? My husband is also not great with handling his emotions, but we still talk about everything. When our one year anniversary was coming up we discussed to what degree we should celebrate it. If we should buy presents or just go to dinner, how much to spend, etc. If I ever had a problem with an aspect of our relationship, we discussed it. Why is that so hard? Why does it always become some game? In the OP's defense though, I'm guessing/hoping there were other reasons for the break up. This was just the convenient/most obvious problem.
I have to thank FML for showing me aspects of human nature I had previously not understood completely. My god there are a lot of stupid people when it comes to relationships.
Speaking of which..."Telling me he wanted to marry me" is not the same as proposing! You can talk about marriage and discuss thoughts on the future without actually proposing.
#42 - On 11/17/2009 at 11:30am by Improbability
What makes you think she never spoke with him about his inability to express his feelings and his unwillingness to commit prior to breaking it off? And, it seems to me, that these two issues provide plenty of justification to break up -- why does there have to be more?
I agree with you that it's not hard to communicate and work out issues.....unless the person is with the wrong partner, then it can be torturous.
#43 - On 11/17/2009 at 11:44am by Jewelofagal
I'm sorry, you are definitely right that I'm making the assumption that if she had brought it up as she was breaking up with him, he would have defended himself. I realize that could be a bad assumption. If she brought it up earlier, I'm guessing the letter was the response, which then does make it suck more for her that she didn't find it sooner.
And yes I agree that if you've talked it out, and you know that working on it further is torture, it's perfectly okay to let that one go...
#50 - On 11/17/2009 at 12:02pm by Improbability
Everytime you attempt to have a romance or move a boyfriend in, you drag your kids through that. They should come first. I hope you didn't blame this on them for hiding that letter, when your ex is at fault for being a coward. I hope the kids didn't have to get yelled at because of Mommy's relationship drama. You are Mommy first, anything else second.
Actually, woman first, mommy second. Having children doesn't take away the fact that she is still a person in her own right. A person has to take care of themselves in order to take care of other people. Having a happy and good relationship means being more able to take care of her children. I would hope she doesn't take this out on her kids, because of course they don't deserve that. But as to moving in with someone, any responsible woman wouldn't put a child through one guy after another after another. Which is what it sould seem she was trying to avoid.
#89 - On 11/18/2009 at 9:34am by Unsaturatedfatty
dumbass deserves it for not, you know, making sure that you GOT the letter.
#48 - On 11/17/2009 at 11:52am by Subjectzero
how do you know he wrote it yesterday if you didn't find it until after he moved out? did he completely move out in less than one day?
#52 - On 11/17/2009 at 12:35pm by letslaugh33
YDI. How can you go through a break up with neither of mentioning what you want? I guess neither of you can share feelings.
Surprised no one has mentioned it but...
Maybe it's just as well? Obviously your kids must not like having him around, and if through this whole situation you don't even see that... are they your kids or just little animals you have to feed?
Or they didn't realize that it was important and thought they were playing a funny joke. Kids unintentionally do stupid things all the time. It's just something you have to deal with as a parent, but at the same time, there isn't really any ways to plan for it. Take it as it comes.
OP: Call him up, tell him you found the letter, that you're sorry. You were scared he didn't really want to be with you, etc. Tell him what happened. Apologize. Help him move back in
#61 - On 11/17/2009 at 1:26pm by boatkicker
He sounds like a lucky man... lucky to get out while he still had the chance, that is.
#64 - On 11/17/2009 at 2:37pm by blastvortex
He was happy to leave and get away from your horrible children who appear to be in control of your life.
Sounds like one of those poor guys who had the "REAL MEN ARE EMOTIONLESS DRONES!" mentality drilled into him by an overangry grandfather.
#66 - On 11/17/2009 at 3:51pm by DameGreyWulf
ok os you love him right? and your children hid the letter? first off, why did they hide the letter? and second of all, if he is one of those guys who find it hard to express themselves in words BUT that he wrote you a huge love letter and you know (not just wish) that it's legit, then once you've found out why your kids hid his letter, go get him if you love him.:p
Rock on 15 and 27.
And fuck everyone who called her a whore. Maybe the kids are adopted. Duh.
#68 - On 11/17/2009 at 4:43pm by Nynpho_maniac
i'm thinking that maybe she didn't explain herself well enough when she broke up with him, and he thought she didn't want to marry him. if that's true, then they are both at fault. but the guy does sound like a pussy. i hope your kids didn't hide the letter and it just accidentally got pushed under the printer with other papers, because you should put your kids first. i'm not saying that you don't deserve to be happy, but you should at least talk to your kids and see if they are okay with you getting married first. it's not just about you, but it's not just about your kids either. i think you should talk to your kids and then figure out if you don't mind marrying a pussy. good luck. :)
#69 - On 11/17/2009 at 4:49pm by mileycyruslvrrrr
So wait, your entire premise for his unwillingness to commit was that he hasn't asked you to marry him just yet? But it's ok if he was about to, I see... and what if he was going to in two months? What if he hadn't made up his mind yet but would've in a week if not for this? I guess the only difference would be you wouldn't be writing this FML?
#72 - On 11/17/2009 at 6:08pm by ScottMcTony
That's the exact rational that keeps scores of people miserably in dead-end relationships, always waiting and always hoping that their partner will finally make a commitment after miraculously realizing what a treasure they have had in front of them the whole time but just couldn't see it until then. What a hideous way to waste years of life.
He didn't ask her in the timeframe she expected him to ask her, so it's over. And, given how generous most women are, she gave him a good long time to make the leap, and he still didn't. So, she had it with him and rightly so.
Let's not also forget that the lack of marriage proposal is only ONE reason why she dumped him: he also failed to communicate that he loved her. Life's too short for anyone to live with that kind of torment and disappointment day after day.
#76 - On 11/17/2009 at 7:45pm by Jewelofagal
But he still couldn't TELL you how he feels. A letter is just a coward's excuse to not say what he's feeling, you did the right thing.
#77 - On 11/17/2009 at 8:12pm by TofinoBitch
I can't talk about how I feel, at all really. Not unless its about something unimportant. I HAVE to write it, because if I do it verbally, I freeze up. It doesn't matter how close I am to someone. I can tell anyone any fact about my life, any event, no matter how personal. But you ask me how I felt about one thing or another, and you wont get a word out of me. I can not bring myself to say it. When I try I just end up making myself sick. Am I a coward? Maybe, but talking about my emotions is one of the things that brings on anxiety attacks for me. Also phone calls, and silence. My fiance understands this, and I write him letters all the time. I then sit with him while he reads, simply because I can't express verbally. I'm not saying OP's boyfriend has an anxiety disorder, infact he more than likely doesn't, but who are you to say she 'did the right thing' by leaving him for something like that. Should my fiance leave me because I can't express myself verbally?
#78 - On 11/17/2009 at 8:25pm by boatkicker
Did it occur to you that the children could have been from a previous marriage, which ended either in divorce or death? Being a mother, and being unmarried does not mean that you became a mother while not being married.
AND there's nothing really wrong with having a kid out of wedlock. I know plenty of situations where the child would have been better off if the parents were not together.
#81 - On 11/17/2009 at 9:27pm by boatkicker
What does "won't commit" even mean? He's dating other women? Sleeping around? What?
#80 - On 11/17/2009 at 8:57pm by FoundManyLemons
It's not often that someone deserves what they got quite as much as you did. YDI
#82 - On 11/17/2009 at 10:05pm by bigcrazymike
You didn't tell him why you wanted to break up with him? :/
YDI for not trying to talk it out with him.
u're messed up big time!
first of all: how the f didn't u realize that he was ready to commit?
second: thumbs up for the kid. he's prolly trying to tell u that they (u said u got more than 1 kid) need more attention than a bf. i share his opinion.
if u're old enuf to have kids, u should be mature enuf to take care of em. (that is also realizing that kids need some stability in their life. if they dont have the father around cause he left/died, that doesnt mean that u should just bring home any guy as a replacement. he shoudlnt have been living there if he was only your bf. they come and go, u know.)
if u're not that old, u shouldnt have kids.
if u;re not that old, but have kids, GROW UP!
to sum up: IDY
#87 - On 11/18/2009 at 6:38am by blindwhisper
Ok, you broke up with him and he moved out in the same day without mentioning the letter?
He doesn't share his feelings because he is a man. You need a homosexual: a prancing fairy that wants to share everything about his day with you.
#90 - On 11/18/2009 at 12:52pm by DocHolliday
Explain the situation to him. Maybe he'll come back. Then again, he didn't have the balls to propose in person and if your kid hid it, then they probably don't approve or are being a little brat who can't stand the fact that their mom is in love with someone other than their father.
#94 - On 11/18/2009 at 8:02pm by BelaLugosisdead
For one things its no ones ****ed business whose kids they are or how she came by them. And as for the breakup, she has kids, its not generally good for them to have a guy around that has no intention of committing. Jerks.
#96 - On 11/18/2009 at 11:38pm by Selenemoon18
No intention of committing? No emotional communication? WHAT ABOUT THE BLASTED LETTER? You're all kind of harping on this guy, which isn't fair. This was a MASSIVE screw up that came from ONE SIDE of a relationship making assumptions without consulting their partner. Hate to say it, but this seems more like a YDI.
#97 - On 11/18/2009 at 11:48pm by DoctorDoomed
If you're living with someone and you can't see that they love you, that's lack of communication. She has children. She can't have them getting attached to a guy who won't pull through for them or stick around. Yeah, he wrote a letter, but he didn't give it to her. If he left it in a place where the kid found it first, that isn't her fault. If he couldn't have the courage to actually propose, either during the relationship or during the time they were breaking up, she needs to move on. They needed to break up if he just sat there and let her go without asking for a reason or clarifying that he does want to marry her.
#101 - On 01/11/2010 at 11:07pm by CrossesCount
And he wrote it just YESTERDAY? And didn't bother to give it to you right after printing it OR print out another copy and show it to you after you broke up with him?
What a hilariously ironic coincidence! It's almost as if it were written for dramatic effect.
I really hope that you went back and apologized to him! Just because this happened doe snot mean things have to be ruined forever!
#102 - On 01/18/2010 at 11:17am by hollykat27
child abuse is only funny if the child deserves it. make us all laugh and hit your kid across the face eith a shovel
#104 - On 02/19/2010 at 1:38am by toasterlovin
