Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years-old. FML
Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over something that popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
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Top comments
Blue_Black_fml 21
Dear God! I just hope that the test result is negative..
grahmagog 14
Im never suprised by walmart customers any more
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Comments (160)
FitForFun 11
No need to be so pissy about the situation.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Urine above your head with all these piss puns.
TheGreatPotato 19
These are such piss-poor jokes.
DocBastard 38
Ureally need some new material, number 1.
B_CeouL 12
In this situation, saying "number 1" would be more appropriate
fuzz97 23
oh boy here we go with the puns
aersie 13
Big girls need love, too.
anythingmustbe 18
A lot and a lot of alcohol. Beer goggles do wonders.
anythingmustbe 18
Well isn't this a whiz?
acrouch 9
They are probably Wal-Martians themselves.
Gvfell 9
Urine a lot of trouble, sir.
lyssgross 16
Docbastard is back! It's kinda sad how happy that made me.
PenguinBitch 43
Gurllllll he's been back. But you on the other hand, where have you been baby cake? ;) Wait, I don't even know you. D:
ilianaaa 8
example of a ratchet out in the wild
HankMacDaddy 3
I see what you did there
chelseyallgier 1
ha, that sincerely made my day!(:
johnnie254 7
Wow...fail!
grahmagog 14
Im never suprised by walmart customers any more
CTMPandemonium 16
It's become a normal occourance...
Horsempeg 25
That is what I was thinking.. Walmart attracts a different breed of characters.
JFloUnknown 24
Walmartians strike again...
MichellinMan 20
They come from the deepest pits of hell.
jillytc 23
I always said going to Walmart is a major self esteem boost
BauerMegan 31
The website "people of Walmart" numbed my wtf senses for these people.
Blue_Black_fml 21
Dear God! I just hope that the test result is negative..
dogpfcorn 11
What if the test came back "aladeen?"
spunkylady 24
Damn you beat me to it lol
metalhead4740 14
"So are you having a boy or an abortion?"
nissa0909 16
Is it bad if I have no idea what #50 is talking about?
Chris455 8
It's a reference to a movie called "the Dictator"
Blue_Black_fml 21
I have no idea either, but I think it has something to do with "the Dictator", which I chose not to watch as I'm not a big fan of Sasha Baron Cohen..
Siehnados 17
Watch it anyway, you won't regret it.
inthedopeshow 17
Ah, Walmart. Thank god they sell bleach, use it on your eyes after some of the things you see in there...
924halle 8
Why did you continue to watch?
Welshite 39
Morbid fascination.
fuzz97 23
It's like a train wreck. You know you shouldn't stare, but you can't help it.
jennicisme 5
Point one for sterilization.
iiDangerCloseBK 6
Welcome to the South!
Welshite 39
Yeah, because us hicks do these things all the time.
ohSNAPyall 26
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
HopelesslyCiara5 19
Idiocracy! I love that movie!!!
Horsempeg 25
People do that in the north too? I found a pregnancy test in walmart in minnesota
iiDangerCloseBK 6
I'm from the South too... For ***** sake can anyone on FML take a joke?
titibug823 11
Those people should not breed!
NoDontKillMe 19
I don't think the woman did... Or let's at least hope so!
Medication 10
With a name like "titibug823", neither should you.
Ginja_HaZ 15
Sounds like something you'd see on Honey BooBoo.
MOLLMcAWESOME 11
Omg. That's exactly what I was thinking!!
theycallmekitty 13
I really don't understand why she couldn't have just used the Walmart bathroom.....
lexi365 20
That requires common sense...
websphere69 27
you beat me to that one, to bad they don't sell common sense at walmart!
LindsayxMoore 18
Its horrible having to work there and deal with those kind of people all day long. I cant say the number of times ive had to bite my tounge.
borncrazzzy2010 1
Agreed ! I worked at a walmart and now with this weather comes the guys in cut off shorts, or booty shorts and boots !! GAG !
BauerMegan 31
You are a saint 96. We appreciate your sacrifice.
simpdude 4
cause they're gross, and I'm a guy saying that.