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Today, I accidentally dropped my engagement ring down a sewer. To my surprise, the sewer water was frozen and my ring sat on top. During my efforts to retrieve it, I had to watch as the ice slowly melted due to the warm day. The ring sank further and further until it was completely gone. FML
This reminds me of that one time I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by wearing a dress for my boyfriend. It may sound completely unrelated to the FML, but it totally leads in to the whole thing. M'kay, so there I was, in full drag and with freshly-braided nipples, wearing a fake beard made out of Perdix' crotch hair, and cow's blood smeared on my lips in a cheap and yet magnificent imitation of the vintage lipstick of old. Once I'd finished sexily morris-dancing to the tune of Call on Me, I lifted my dress up sexily, anticipating an immediate ravishing, and all the glorious sounds of pealing thunder that would ensue.
So what does he do? He only calls me a freak for wearing my frilly edible teletubbies panties inside out on a fucking LUNAR ECLIPSE. I mean, what the dick, people? Here I am, trying to be sexy for my man, and I'M the bad guy? Is there no justice in this world? Wee-woo.
I live in the sewers, and your ring fit my new fiancée perfectly :) thank you for your donation.
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Friday 12 December 2014