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jeimyxox

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jeimyxox
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  • Number of visits : 159
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jeimyxox's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed hysterically and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62789) - you deserved it (8188)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML

#20711432
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45667) - you deserved it (4255)

On 06/07/2013 at 9:25am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

#18935378
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17087) - you deserved it (3825)

On 01/28/2012 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my parents boarded the fad wagon and became Juggalos. FML

#18891757
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20729) - you deserved it (2594)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by unholy shit (man) - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

#18145171
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60369) - you deserved it (4435)

On 11/03/2011 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53212) - you deserved it (5252)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

#17578977
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33614) - you deserved it (2402)

On 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

#17549181
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25232) - you deserved it (1989)

On 08/22/2011 at 4:34pm - work - by waytootan (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML

#17541150
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5898) - you deserved it (55401)

On 08/21/2011 at 8:17pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#17390197
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29169) - you deserved it (2543)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML

#17254567
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25960) - you deserved it (10958)

On 07/25/2011 at 2:07pm - misc - by youjustsuck (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

#16524791
575 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90864) - you deserved it (9839)

On 06/06/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by KillMeNow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML

#15501357
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48148) - you deserved it (9976)

On 03/26/2011 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

#15203950
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34880) - you deserved it (11884)

On 03/05/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by insomnitude (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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