momlife
Ajax, Canada
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
birdisnottheword
Edmonton, Canada
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Mandi
DELETE! DELETE!
Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML
her mom raised her
Mexico
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Anonymous
Fort Lauderdale, United States
Thanks dad…
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
June
Canada
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
sleepy
United States
Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
lyle
Oh, hai Mark!
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Lauren Davies
This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff
Paper-thin walls
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
shootme
Canada
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
Been there. My son is one, I assume your daughter is around the same age. If she's 10, then FYL indeed.
aimbug 42
Aren't kids fun?
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Comments (44)
olleekenberg 20
And this dalies and mentelgen is why the cellphone is so awesome. You can just call back after something like this!
Eyalsh 32
as opposed to what exactly?
cheshireau 26
How old is your daughter?
Earl_KarmasBitch 34
Plot twist: Adult daughter.
h00tzForOsi 20
Drunk adult daughter lol
aimbug 42
Aren't kids fun?
Candijpg 17
I've had something similar happen with my baby brother, so it does happen!
xxmollyxx 25
Been there. My son is one, I assume your daughter is around the same age. If she's 10, then FYL indeed.
george_s_4 32
Plot twist, she's 35
luvlu444 24
You could've just said "gotta go, somethings come up"
cheeeksss 29
But that wouldn't be nearly as entertaining.
darshini_ii 24
I ate a crayon when I was a baby. This is normal Op. Don't fret if your child is only a few years old.
spudking 19
I tried to eat a candle. A lit candle. I ended up with a burned lip and an irrational fear of birthday cake that took a while to shift.
coming back in the future 30
Plot twist: Your daughter is 25
dramaelf 37
I used to eat paper, dog food, grass, flowers and leaves. The last was because I wanted to be a dinosaur, it made sense back then.
Limeila 10
Ahah in kindergarden my friends and I pretended we were horses so we ate grass xD
MisterEx 28
What do you mean "back then"? Pfshht
jvanevery 19
clearly the pipe in the profile picture actually goes through his head
tin_cup 27
Just be prepared, glue and paste are next.