Kids: Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my... - FML

By momlife - 28/03/2016 20:45 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 120

You deserved it 2 076

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By birdisnottheword - 11/03/2015 13:55 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 927

You deserved it 8 876

DELETE! DELETE!

By Mandi - 05/12/2022 16:00

Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 880

By her mom raised her - 17/05/2014 17:30 - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 826

You deserved it 7 034

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 635

You deserved it 2 600

By June - 19/05/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 622

You deserved it 74 765

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 877

You deserved it 8 362

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 175

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - 17/09/2019 06:00

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 301

By Anonymous - 27/01/2012 22:03 - United States

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 127

You deserved it 3 912

By shootme - 13/11/2011 22:46 - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 342

You deserved it 58 528

Next

Top comments

xxmollyxx 25

Tuesday 29 March 2016 10:42

Been there. My son is one, I assume your daughter is around the same age. If she's 10, then FYL indeed.

aimbug 42

Tuesday 29 March 2016 10:41

Aren't kids fun?

Comments

Fartful_Dodger 8

Tuesday 29 March 2016 16:39

It beats rock or scissors. ...

Estelle101_fml 13

Tuesday 29 March 2016 17:49

I guess she's testing the waters...

ZulAman 4

Tuesday 29 March 2016 18:58

YDI for having a kid in the first place

bigdfootball97 24

Tuesday 29 March 2016 19:23

Could've just said, "I gotta go"

rlalowski 3

Tuesday 29 March 2016 19:26

Been there! Toilet paper, dirty diapers, anything this tiny little hands get a hold of :)

boultzboi 20

Tuesday 29 March 2016 19:48

the joys of parenting :)

coolvictori 22

Tuesday 29 March 2016 20:57

I hope it was clean.

COSaikou 7

Tuesday 29 March 2016 21:28

Children do the darndest things!

thisguy22 33

Tuesday 29 March 2016 21:57

I think the level of my reaction to this depends entirely on if it was clean, new toilet paper... Or freshly used toilet paper. I require a follow up please.

sarcasmwins 24

Tuesday 29 March 2016 21:59

My sister used to happily sit in the garden and eat spoonfuls of dirt, each time mum lifted her out and turned her back she would go straight back to her usual spot in the dirt and eat spoon after spoon. One day mum couldn't take it anymore so she let her be, a muddy kid and a stomach ache later and she never went back again.

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The Top

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 650

Today, I spent ages writing a draft press release as part of a copywriting job application. I worked really hard and read it through several times before submitting. They emailed me to point out that I'd misspelled the name of the company. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 2 660

The Top

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 630

You deserved it 3 998

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 016

You deserved it 4 946

Today, it's been over 3 months since I've had a day off. I suppose that's what happens when you run someone else's business, run your own business, and have a child. I make $410 a week. Rent is $400. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 180

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 670

You deserved it 3 701

Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 150

Today, my school is having a mandatory class on etiquette. We've just now progressed onto forks after a long, tedious discussion on spoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 184

You deserved it 4 419