Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

More FMLs?

suuuucks's life also sucks

BlackPolarbear also deserved it

Comments

(+2)

... he seems cool o_O

(+1)

hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol

(0)

lmfao. do it just as a joke I dare you

(0)

hes funny lol

(0)

FYL naaawwss I would hate that, I would be like shut tfu it's a penis not Jesus, aw.

(0)

omg thtss hilarious..:D lol

(+1)

Nice. Methinks your boyfriend is a little weird. That would be so disturbing...

(0)

ask him if his Jesus would like the same fate as the real one ?

(-2)

that is lacking wit. I can totally come up with something better than" Jesus spreading his warmth". your boyfriends a retard

(0)

haha give your boyfriend my number bahaha! that's funny as f*ck.

(0)

let him in!! ahah your bf is so funny i need one like him :D

(0)

yeah, cause this is totally a fml? not really..you must e a sensitive bitch.

(0)

jesus will enlighten you hahahaha

(0)

Crucify Jesus

(0)

your bf has a sense of humor. you don't. so really, fuck his life.

(0)

that's soo funny!! LOL but not a FML!!

(0)

hahahahahaha EPIC WIN

(0)

lol sounds like he is loosing ways to get into your pants but coming up with great lines

(0)

so question to people on here. girls:what would you name your penis if you had one?! guys: what do you call yours if you do have a nickname for it????

(0)

that's a little disturbing

(0)

lmao I'm pretty sure I'm jealous of how fast you came up with a nickname... I can't think of one.

(0)

why would i name my penis(if i had one)? could sb please tell me what the point is??

(0)

what a douche

(0)

the penis doesn't need a name. it's too royally suave for such nonsense. unless it can't match it's purpose. then you just name it "lame dick". :\

(0)

lmfao haha

(0)

boo hoo, I think that his enuendo is actually quite funny

(0)

I need a chuck Norris in my life

(0)

lmao rename it for him

(+2)

Does it take more than 2000 years for Him to come?

(0)

that's so wrong....

(+2)

I've got an idea. how bout you skip the crucifying part and just burry it in a cave. *wink wink

(0)

WWJD

(0)

lol

(0)

haha. he's a smart kid

(0)

lmao.!!! he said u wanna get touched by Jesus.? funny shit Mann..funny shit. I'm still laughing

(0)

name ur pussy the virgin Mary

(0)

let jesus heal u

(0)

Before you two try anything, I think you should make "Jesus" heal the sick and walk on water. ;]

(0)

I dunno, mine's had some weird names before but Jesus is out there……you should ask him if he wants you to Crucify it

(0)

that is hilarious!! this fml made my day!!

(0)

He probably calls it Jesus because it takes 3 days to rise from the dead.

(0)

haha. mine us called "orange chicken delight." lol

(0)

scuba. dood. ur awsome. and funny as hell

lmfao that is funny.

(0)

name ur vag satan

(+1)

maybe next Jesus will spit on you, then make you kiss his feet, oh I meant balls

(0)

...Win

(0)

it will forgive your sins go for it

(0)

I will pray to Jesus so that he will help you with your problem.

HA.

(0)

I can get where he is coming from

(0)

that's pretty hilarious

(0)

lame.

(0)

MAY THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELL YOU!!!

(0)

my girl named my penis Jesus never knew why untill she screamed it out many times in bed (go fig)

(+1)

WAIT!!! I GOT IT!!! tell him his penis is like Jesus... nonexistent. XD

(0)

well... you did say yes... right?

(0)

Calls it Jesus because it's dead and decomposed as well?

(0)

lmao, thats funny.. at least he's funny :L?

(0)

no matter how bad your vision is , DO NOT let "Jesus" come anywhere near your eyes. he CANT cure you!!! (hehehe...get it, "come"?)

(0)

I think that's hilarious. As long as he doesn't keep doing that for the next week.

(0)

i dont know whether that was funny of the OP's boyfriend, or very disrespectful. he's clearly NOT a good catholic lol. FYL for going out with a dumbass.

(0)

what a tool

(0)

lol whatta pimp.

(0)

dump him. he is a dumb ass MF. don't have any respect for his own god. Ahole

(0)

I don't get what your complaining about

that's funny

(0)

HILARIOUS!!!!!! I couldn't stop laughing!!!

(0)

I get weirded out when guys name their dicks... This is a little disturbing. FYL

(0)

My name says it all. He needs to change "his" name.....I did get a good giggle though lol.

(0)

your bf sounds like a dork

(0)

there's a line in a film -- The Exorcist -- "Let Jesus f@@k you!"

(0)

that's hilarious

(0)

at least it wasnt like you guys were having sex and he was screaming "may the penis be with you!"

(0)

why are you complaining??

(0)

Jesus will smite you!!!

(0)

lmao haha that's classicc

(0)

classic

(0)

does Jesus wanna get nailed to a cross?

(0)

i love yout bf. you should name your pussy Mary

(0)

sounds like a immature prick, joking or not.

(0)

now that's a brilliant concept. ur bf is smart fellow! how is this a fml? u should be all over Jesus, as he will save you.

(0)

thats fucking awesome

(0)

Thats hilarious! Hes my dream guy! jkjk hahahaaa

(0)

haha hilarious

(0)

so... just let jesus spread his blessings all over you

This comment has been moderated.

(0)

Tell him youre Jewish, kick him in the crotch, then leave. :-)

(-1)

that's horrible. I would dump my BF if he just threw Jesus' name around like it was nothing and named his penis that!!! Truly horrible!!!

(0)

hopefully you nailed his Jesus like the real one?

(+1)

when you are done, and he has "completed", does Jesus ever rise from the dead for a second round?

This comment has been moderated.

(0)

that is hilarious as hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(0)

A little sacraligious (sp?) but funny as fuck.

Just to mess with him you should've said you're an Atheist and don't believe in Jesus.

(0)

let Jesus spread his warmth!

(0)

aww I wish I had a funny boyfriend :( lol

(0)

not really an fml but more of how annoying, your bf is funny

(0)

Hahah he sounds really funny

(+1)

oh no my boyfriend is a genius with humor. FML

(0)

if my boyfriend did that I'd probably have a 100% reason to believe in Jesus.

(-2)

flipping stupid, why the he'll would he do
that?! seriously I dnt think it's fun to make fun of Jesus. Grow up already.

(0)

That's hilarious, but blasphemous.

Kinda like watching Family Guy... :D

(0)

this guy is a pimp

(0)

lmao he sounds like fun

(0)

holy fuck XD this is amazing!!! best fml ever!!!

(-1)

that's sick. break up with that dumbass

(0)

perdix, scuba,

(0)

apparently he thinks too much of himself and has alot of spare time!

(+2)

I'm typing this with my penis. cool huh?

(0)

Did you like it?

(0)

LMFAO!!!!!

(0)

Does he know Jesus was crucified?.....may be time to remind him.

(0)

tell him you're sure Jesus is taller than that.

(0)

um...

(0)

He is awesome. I think I need Jesus in my life.

(0)

lol they should definately make a FMD. there's more FMD's than FML's on this site

(0)

#91 is annoying!

(0)

ohhh woooow. that's just WRONG. lmaoo

(0)

lmao he so funny. i gotta tell my husband this 1, he will love it and take after it...

(0)

AMAZING!! he should have said Jesus wants to hang with Mary half clam!

(0)

ATHEISTS RULE!!! lol just kidding you shouldve said that

(-2)

sinful. tell him Hell is real whether he believes it or not. He will have eternity believing in it.

(0)

l0l would you like a blessing from Jesus?? l0l

my sense of humor must be different from his because I don't really find that funny at all :-/

(0)

I call mine the will of god

(0)

wash your face in his holy water :D "bukake with love"

(-2)

Sacreligious heathen! Next time he says that, tell him you're going to nail Jesus to the cross.

(0)

if he goes soft does it mean it takes him 2 days for him to rise again

(0)

..and this is why he's had to beg for the past two hours.

(0)

My pussy is call the iron clamp her ability comes from her VCH. that remind me how i had to call the paramedics to take me of my ex since i clamp to tight. Sigh R.I.P little jimmy - once big and now crush.

This comment has been moderated.

(0)

OMG hahahahaha tht was a guud one ur bf is hilarious i dont think this was exactly am FML but it was fumny

(0)

you should have told him jesus got strapped to a cross and burned...

(0)

Hahaha.

(+1)

that hilarious he deserves some head

(0)

That's hilarious :D But I can understand if it bothered you because you're religious. Then, that's not cool for you ):

(0)

ahahaha, thats funny.

(0)

haha my bf does the same thing except he usually says "christ has risen, christ will come, christ will rise again" ...and i love #228. i'm totally gonna say that if he starts annoying me with it

(0)

he will have to answer to God for that, then we will see who I laughing

(0)

lmfao

(0)

"in you right hand, there are pleasures forever" -some bible verse

(0)

lol FYL but this dude is brilliant! can i meet him XD lol

(0)

that's kind of disgraceful to Jesus but it is kind of funny lol

(0)

hahaha thats hilarious!!!!!

(0)

This is hardly an FML; Jesus can preform miracles ;)

(0)

Perdix fuckin rocks, FML wouldnt be as much fun without him.

(0)

AHAHAHA

(0)

lmfaooo your dudes going to hell

(0)

haha that's funny!!!!!

(+2)

that's probably one of the funniest things i've ever heard. kudos to your fucking boyfriend.

(+1)

that's hilarious! come one, admit it, its funny.

(0)

Lol tell me your not still with him...It's funny...
His stuff had better be that big!!

(0)

hahahaaaaa lmao hahaha that's so funny cool guy I guess!

You should've said you were atheist :P

(0)

i don't understand how this is a FML this is just funny as hell!

(0)

That's hilarious!!!!!!

(0)

No Soviet Russia jokes? I've never posted one, but I like to see them from time to time, so....

In Soviet Russia, penis names you...

I call mine Happy, cuz he brings pleasure.

Here are a few:

Let Jesus take the wheel.

Confide in Jesus and you will be saved.

It would give new meaning to the song Jesus Loves Me.

Don't deny your maker.

Save me Jesus!

In Jesus name we pray, OH GOD!

...and hopefully he doesn't get lost in the spiritual void.

Any of these work? ;P

(0)

your boyfriend and his jesus sounds AWESOME!

(0)

I like him. Endless possiblities. "Would you like to feel the amazing power of Jesus Christ?" "Accept Jesus into your vagina". ... I like him.

(0)

hahaha, wooow. this is hilarious. xD

(0)

hahahahhahahha Ima do that!

(0)

wwjd?

(+1)

maybe he'll give you semen on the mount

(+1)

open up to Jesus 

(0)

This is not an FYL. This is too awesome to even begin to describe. If my boyfriend named his penis Jesus, I would love him forever.

(0)

hahaha so adding to favs lol

(0)

Well, did you find jesus yet? he's a tiny guy

Add a comment

Top of the page

You must have an FML account to comment.

Don't have an FML account yet ? Sign up to FML!