Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30496) - you totally deserved it (7241)
On 08/08/2009 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by sandwichsex (man) - United States (California)
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
FIRST :)
haha jk !
but , your boyfriend was hungry , so ?
You are lucky you have a partner that isn't serious all the time. Still, FYL.
Stop saying first, please.
#12 - On 08/09/2009 at 3:18am by Deathlyranch
Sandwich tasting Vagina??? The OP is a man according to what I see. Is this an error or is this FML about two gays??
#52 - On 08/09/2009 at 8:59am by metheonlyb
This kinda sounds fake...I mean, how many sex-to-sandwich FMLs are there on this site? I've seen four already.
It's possible to accidentally click the wrong select, you know.
#9 - On 08/09/2009 at 3:15am by Duckasaurus
Oh dear.
Can I pretend I knew that and just forgot to type the "not" in "not gay"? :p
I think because I'm straight I just always assume that when there's a boyfriend being referred to it's by a female. Oops. I do try to remember to check the sex of the OP, but I guess I'm only human.
I still stand with option 1 and 3 though.
It must be a mistake. They can't be gay. Then why would he be getting a condom? Afraid of getting pregnant, man?
I love how for this ONE FML everyone is assuming they might have chosen the wrong gender because if it was right it means that they're gay. Where as the ones about people's boyfriends and they put that they are female noone says anything
Oh my god....for one thing, 50% of sexually active people have some form of herpes. This is just a fact. Second, with things like AIDs it takes a long time for it to show up in your system, and third, they may not have been together for a really long time and you never know if one of them might be cheating or lying. Geez.
50% of sexually active people do NOT have a debilitating form of herpes...
And if its not debilitating, but some random alteration of the body that leaves the body largely unnaffected (maybe they're immune to alien plagues?!) then it remains irrelevant
Yes, yes he is.
@OP So, your boyfriend was hungry...
I don't see the FML in that BUT FYL anyway,
because i nearly shat my pants.
I find myself wondering what the conversation was like
after he came in with a sandwich. Hmmm...
More importantly, what kind of sandwich was it?
#16 - On 08/09/2009 at 3:26am by JJawbreakerr
@9- So you think OP is wrong about their gender? Interesting. Fuck you, they didn't have to choose to display their gender, so it is safe to assume that they picked the right one if they took the time to select it.
OP, maybe you should talk to him.
#13 - On 08/09/2009 at 3:19am by caancoha
Not true... some people FORGET to change the gender and don't notice it... and sometimes you click the wrong option, it's happened to me before... so don't go saying fuck you to every person just because it was on the internet, because you wouldn't say it if you were really talking to the person, and FYI he was just stating that there is a possibility that the person who wrote this didn't look at the gender when submitting because he/she was too busy being angry about the sandwich.
#15 - On 08/09/2009 at 3:23am by doggylover27
I think the OP is wrong about their gender.
I didn't think gay guys used condoms.
But who gives a shit and what does that have to do with this FML?
Back on topic.. OP, FYL.
#31 - On 08/09/2009 at 4:15am by loadeddreams
Gay guys can and do use condoms. The lack of them lead to the spread of AIDS.
#37 - On 08/09/2009 at 4:24am by homedoggieo
Um... STD's? Condoms aren't just for contraception, you know.
#40 - On 08/09/2009 at 4:43am by theanonimouse
STDs for one, as everyone else said. I'm surprised no one brought up UTIs and mess in the case of anal.
#96 - On 08/09/2009 at 9:53pm by SomeonePosting
Rule 41: No matter what it is, it is someone's fetish. No exceptions.
I think your boyfriend has a thing for sandwiches.
Make sure you use lube!
All of these sex-and-sandwiches FMLs can't be coincidental. I mean, suddenly there's a huge assortment of people out there interrupted by the subject of sandwiches in their romantic affairs?
#22 - On 08/09/2009 at 3:38am by p00p0ster0us
What kind of sandwich? I can't decide whether or not this is an FYL unless the flavor of sandwich is good.
Men take things very literally. It's one of the biggest differences between men and women.
Maybe he needed some extra energy for what he was planning to do with you.
So, you told him to do whatever he wanted, and then got mad at him for doing what he wanted?
OP is definitely a woman.
#41 - On 08/09/2009 at 4:46am by survivalism
i agree with #22. lately a lot of the FML's have to do with sex and sandwiches...
#44 - On 08/09/2009 at 5:35am by lacedheadbands
if think its your bf's way of saying he wants toi be sandwiched - in a threesome of course
#45 - On 08/09/2009 at 5:38am by youaresofucked
@#49 DUH, condoms aren't just to prevent pregnancy, they also prevent AIDS and other STDs from spreading. Just because they're gay (if the gender is right) doesn't mean they shouldn't be safe.
#54 - On 08/09/2009 at 9:18am by TerraofDarkness
Okay, wow. Why do they need a condom? Dear lord, are you THAT dumb..? So what if they're gay? They still need a condom to prevent (like #54 said) a myriad of STDs...
#66 - On 08/09/2009 at 11:53am by spongebobrocks
He's trying to ask why he needs a condom with his boyfriend. In a sense, why would you need a condom with your boyfriend? You both shouldn't have any STD's if you've been faithful.
#85 - On 08/09/2009 at 2:34pm by DickVanDyke
I'm sure all those people who were too unfortunate to have been infected from their mothers with AIDS are totally unfaithful because of this...
he may have had sex before they met, and there are also other ways to get infected (although they're considerably less common).
Why is it always a sammich? Is this some Cartman or Joey mimicry? I mean, why isn't it ever a warm bowl of soup or perhaps leftover chinese takeout? Both are tasty and can hit the spot. Are these sammichs oblong in nature or is sometimes a sammich just a sammich? Seems like some attempt for the male to pretend they are more interested in sammich than sex. Like a postmod beer commercial or Pimp Drag.
Maybe I'm gonna have to draft a gov't grant app that proposes the correlation between men and sammich sex. I'll need huge sums of cash, a crack team of plucky go-getters, the patrons from [insert local sports team], an army of drunk co-eds, and an assload of sammichs. Like you know, stat.
TL;DR, but please stop saying "sammich." Are you 5?
Say it with me! (Ready?)
SAND - WICH.
SAND - WICH.
SAND - WICH.
#77 - On 08/09/2009 at 12:39pm by anniebananie
"Sammich" being the term often used which discussing... s-s-s-s-nnndaa= witch?
Get a sense of humor, bignose. really
and if you cant be bothered to read 2 small paragraphs you should probably start trying in life, or just give in and stick a shotgun in your mouth.
1) Saying "sammich" and actually using it multiple times while typing are two different things. It's kind of like saying "lol" in real life. Don't do it.
2) I didn't read it because it was too boring. I can perfectly well read two paragraphs if they actually contain something interesting or informative.
3) "just give in and stick a shotgun in your mouth." = REALLY PSYCHO. Let's not overreact here. (And to beat you to it, my overreaction over "sammich" and your overreaction over this are not even close to the same level.)
#100 - On 08/09/2009 at 11:18pm by anniebananie
Yess 100 a thousand times yes!
ok.. so I'll space this out so your mind can follow. It's obvious you've had your humor chip removed, but what's worse is your context recognition is corrupted. The forum was discussing the string of folks turning down sex for "sammiches". (I'll put it in quotes so you understand what is being said.)
My original post seems clear that it was a parody of when meme meets nerd analysis. Saying "sammich" over and over, as if to lend credibility to the phenomenon was just teasingly addressing that concept.
So you failed on the two biggest sins that determine whether or not someone is worth knowing. One: your humor seems limited to knock-knock jokes. Two: you starting popping off about items in which you are completely ignorant. Didn't read and you're that mouthy? Good God, woman!
I don't usually insult and reminding you what an uptight prig you are would've what... TL;DR? But you sure read about that shotgun and yes it WAS TOTALLY PSYCHO!! LOL in real life.
Come on...sex just isn't the same if your stomach is growling! Did he bring enough to share? If not, FYL.
I dont think its 2 men. Why the fuck would 2 guys need a condom to butt fuck? Unless one has an std i guess?
Burning asshole disease ;)-
#65 - On 08/09/2009 at 11:49am by quadracer111
What is it with everyone asking why two guys need a condom?
#67 - On 08/09/2009 at 11:56am by spongebobrocks
lmao that sounds like something my boyfriend would do. i think it's hilarious.
#68 - On 08/09/2009 at 11:57am by tre3s
haha r u gay cause y woul d u geta codom cause its not like ur getting pregnant ur a dude realy whatch what u put as gender if ur a girl
#74 - On 08/09/2009 at 12:24pm by jhon316
Um, condoms also help to prevent STIs.
Also, is it really that hard to type "why", "are", and "you're". Seriously...
I'm surprised he didn't ask you to get him the sandwich.
#81 - On 08/09/2009 at 1:26pm by Lawlbook_dot_com
If your a guy... and your boyfriend is a guy.... then why would you need a condom?
#83 - On 08/09/2009 at 1:45pm by shellybean87
All of you people who are asking why gay guys use condoms are f*ckin idiots!!!
Have you ever heard of STD's? Condoms are used for more than preventing pregnancy.
Retardation must have hit you all hard.
#90 - On 08/09/2009 at 5:10pm by theguardian
FYL if he didn't bring you back a delicious dagwood sandwich
#91 - On 08/09/2009 at 5:51pm by waterynuggets
Not that bad, get over it. Lol. Or get a bf who cooks for you.. hence MINE. :D Lol, Couldn't help it. :P
#94 - On 08/09/2009 at 6:55pm by DoveOrHawk
Maybe they wanted to use a condom for the lubrication, or because they didn't want to risk getting a shitty dick...?
#102 - On 08/09/2009 at 11:51pm by jessikaaahhh
well.. you DID give him permission to do whatever he wanted.. just sayin
#103 - On 08/10/2009 at 12:35am by high_on_sharpie
lmfao.. that was funny. lol maybe he wanted to eat. who knows maybe he needed energy to make it better for you lol
omg it took me like ten secs to figure out u were gay...
#106 - On 08/10/2009 at 2:57am by rawrbitch11
Thats the funniest FML Iv seen so far. Nice one, wot a legend
#109 - On 08/10/2009 at 10:38am by Microsoftmouse
@ #39: If there's one thing I hate more than a homophobe, it's someone who acts like gay people don't exist. Seriously, did he have to explicitely point out he was gay? The fact that he's a man and said he has a boyfriend speaks for itself.
Seconded. But because I've become so tired of the useless debates with homophobes and such, my typical answer is: Live and let live.
Am i the only one to have realized that the OP is a man?
#120 - On 08/11/2009 at 4:41pm by LebChickOnFira
what kind of sammitch? :o thats understandable sammitch ish yummy :3 better then sex yep ^^ food is better and more important then sex :P sex anytime and shortlived food lasts and is yummy :3
#121 - On 08/11/2009 at 5:39pm by girlwhoactshigh
wow. ur man is an idiot. a real man, such as myself, would have made u make the sandwich
#122 - On 08/11/2009 at 6:44pm by unhacked21
YDI for thinking that any man would want to have sex with YOU over eating a sammich! Lawl.
#123 - On 08/11/2009 at 7:22pm by anonymousjason
Uhh..
Sandwiches don't talk back, and bitch about you not paying attention to them. And you can, infact, eat it with bacon. I've tried that once with a woman.. and let's say.. it didn't end well..
I can't say a straight FYL or YDI because
A:We are guys, and live on sex and food.
And B: It is not your fault, and furthermore, your life is not fucked.
What the Hell are you humans blathering on about? I have no idea what it is, but what I do know is that my boyfriend would gladly choose starvation if it meant nothing but as many orgasms as possible within a week time frame. Sex comes first for him, and food comes second.
...Although, to be fair, we do eat after sex. :)
#125 - On 08/11/2009 at 11:56pm by rampageous
There are so many guys out there who are like this.
A lesson for the girls: BE BETTER IN BED.
That way there would be no chance of leaving you for food while fooling around.
Oh and YDI, for not being more appealing than a sandwich to someone with a penis.
#128 - On 08/12/2009 at 4:04am by arsewipe92
Here's a better lesson: CHOOSE BETTER BOYFRIENDS. How good you are in bed shouldn't be the deciding factor on whether or not he respects you.
#133 - On 08/14/2009 at 7:07am by theanonimouse
wait... if ur a guy having sex with a guy, why do u need condom?
#132 - On 08/14/2009 at 12:23am by procrastinating
hey u know gays wear condoms sometimes to its called std hello didnt u know that geez evan lezbos wear them so ya gays wear condoms not that im gay cause ya im not
#135 - On 08/16/2009 at 2:04am by jhon316
