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Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

#3646272 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (44775) - you totally deserved it (2251)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Iraq (Arbil)

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#1 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:28pm by Shirschfield

Woah WHAT? SLOPPING AND SLURPING? How is that even possible?
Someone please explain.
o.O

#25 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:20pm by dinosaursmoo

Um... probably the lube

#31 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:59pm by bexox

Dang... I wished I had of stopped reading this post before I got to the end. That it nightmarish.

#61 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:41am by FarSide

Eww. Really eww.

#81 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:29am by _Noon_

wearing sneakers in the rain will never be the same... *sigh*

#94 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:52am by A83

girly man squeal, lol.

#2 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:30pm by papertigers

haha

#3 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:31pm by WORSHIPME

you didn't enjoy it? Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it! Jk (:

#4 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:31pm by oprah

HAHAHA. FYL.

#5 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:31pm by uLtra_attitude

hahaha. i woulda liked it.

#6 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:33pm by Billxd

lol.......well ya gotta do what ya gotta do

#7 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:36pm by KaraBooMi

Iraq!! Representin!

#8 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:36pm by SHN

OMFG YES that was the first thing I thought of too XD

#45 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:47pm by leyalu

Does he have a girlfriend? Yeah, his right hand.

#9 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:41pm by beccanator

Pamela Handerson as they say.

#19 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:09pm by genius_man16

Either that or Rosie Palm and her five friends.

#26 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:20pm by gotsparkly

PALMela

#32 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:03pm by bexox

don't tell his right hand.. But he's cheating on her with his left hand. YOU DIDNT HEAR IT FROM ME.

#33 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:04pm by oprah

his girlfriend is ms. thumb & her 4 daughters.

#48 - On 07/10/2009 at 10:07pm by kewlcat

wow, some of those were really fucking terrible. lol

#67 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:38am by CXIsXForXCookie2

"intimate time with his hand."
HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH *breathe" HAHAHHHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#10 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:44pm by xHaniffax

i think the words 'slopping' and 'slurping', as well as the phrase 'girly man squeal' are vivid enough alone to haunt me.

#11 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:44pm by excusemydust

Mega Dittoes

#62 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:43am by FarSide

My sister makes a "boyish woman" death prattle when she polishes her knob.

#64 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:48am by FarSide

"Sister"
"Polishing her knob"

Wait a second...

#76 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:27am by IDoNotHaveAIDS

yeah that is kinda weird
since when do girls have knobs?

#95 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:57am by xchd22x

How do you even know this!?

#128 - On 07/17/2009 at 3:51pm by irononreverse

LOL. The way this was worded made it completely vivid and ten times more gross. xD
FYL, definitely.

#12 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:50pm by hk

i love how he said it 'Haunted' him. ahahahaha.

#13 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:50pm by skittleface

It's just you and your hand tonight...

Don't worry. I'm disturbed just reading about it.

#14 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:50pm by redbluegreen

Wooow, what a creep. It wouldve been funny if you walked in on him and told him to get a room, then gave him some condoms and toldl him to get a girlfriend. XD

#15 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:51pm by maria12

Dude, lmao..."IT'S EXPLODING....HAZZAAAAA!! YOU'VE DONE WELL YOUNG PADAWON!"

#16 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:53pm by shewasalmost18

holy hell. this has happened to me my second year of university. i woke up one morning to hearing my roommate doing the five knuckle shuffle and couldn't stand to be in my room the rest of the day. after confronting him about it, he told me he didn't care who was in the room. i had to spend a year with him as a roommate and catch him doing the shuffle when i'd have friends in our room even. FYL mate. been there.

#17 - On 07/10/2009 at 7:53pm by Tiermes87

Lmfao, "five knuckle shuffle"

#107 - On 07/11/2009 at 9:54pm by guttural

you didn't have to describe it in details lol

#18 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:09pm by Natashakiable18

oh but i did, it was utterly horrifying all i could do is lay there stunned hoping it was a bad dream, only to realize after the girly squeal it wasnt......FML

#21 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:12pm by Magneon

haha funny :)

#20 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:09pm by chocoLIFE

dude you live in iraq im guessing maybe your a soldier i could be wrong... tough times bro i think its great he is jerkin it sometimes you just need to let one loose bro lol not good to keep it all bottled up... for you on the other hand i know the more you try not to think about it the more you think about it... i would just call him out on it like make a joke about that you heard therefore you would get it off your chest that you know he was jerkin and maybe that way you will get some peace of mind...

#22 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:14pm by ithedarkknight

not everybody in iraq is fighting a war dude...

#85 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:26am by DutchGunner21

..."other hand". Lol.

@OP: *shudders* DUDE. THAT IS SICK. FYL.

#115 - On 07/12/2009 at 3:48am by AnotherStranger2

that jokes, LOL :P

#23 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:14pm by Reena03

if you told him to stfu he would be the one on this site, not you

#24 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:15pm by Buuured

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.

Lol, fucking sandniggers

#27 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:21pm by gueeterman

dude i am stationed here in iraq....FML

#28 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:24pm by Magneon

Seriously? There's no need to even acknowledge that idiot's existence, let alone that comment.

FYL for having to fight for that douche's freedom

#34 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:05pm by xTIGERxLILYx

This is an international website 34.

#39 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:31pm by Tubasaurus

Lol... it's probably my ex-boyfriend. He just joined the military.

#29 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:58pm by bexox

or my ex. he's a dick in the military

#51 - On 07/10/2009 at 10:56pm by mistystarlight

Or a guy that lives in Iraq. Ever thought'a that?

#130 - On 07/18/2009 at 10:20pm by jaybrown

lmao I am loving all the euphemisms.
I think your description has traumatized me as well, OP.

#30 - On 07/10/2009 at 8:58pm by OEMEGE

*Shudders* FYL.

#35 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:07pm by Gesundheit

at least hes not painting a face on his hand and asking it if it wants some of that dick...

#36 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:08pm by magichateball

LMFAO!!!

#105 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:12pm by mahree8mellos

Schlorp.

#37 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:17pm by Sappheyes

F my life not F my day..

#38 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:28pm by im_djibouti

If I were you I would have recorded it and put it on Youtube for teh lulz. But that would be mean. D:

#40 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:36pm by Karpolo

You should have helped him out....you know you wanted to.

#41 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:37pm by Gawain

LMFAO this actually made me laugh FML and FUL

#42 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:37pm by jadakorn

I lol'd.

#43 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:37pm by Arcterion

lol awkard much?

#44 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:43pm by dRose22

Mock him. He'll learn to bite the pillow and shut up.

#46 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:48pm by aback

lol ewww

#47 - On 07/10/2009 at 9:50pm by SarahsWickedGame

Hey, it could have been worse... he could have been saying your name while he was doing it.

#49 - On 07/10/2009 at 10:10pm by thugbert

BAHAHAHAHAHAH
Beautiful

#63 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:45am by The_Snowy

Slurping? Slopping?! He eats him own cum?!

#50 - On 07/10/2009 at 10:31pm by Jojul

haaha. more like f MY life for the vivid picture you burned into my mind xD

#52 - On 07/10/2009 at 11:08pm by nicolexsmile

LOL JESUS WHAT WAS HE SLURPING?!

#53 - On 07/10/2009 at 11:26pm by saailaway

The "Girly Man squeal" comment still has me laughing my ass off. F your life. Seriously!

#54 - On 07/10/2009 at 11:49pm by remedy_1991

The thought of it will haunt ME all day...ugh, fyl dude

#55 - On 07/10/2009 at 11:57pm by alice_hmph

I dare not imagine myself in that situation if my life depended on it. D8

#56 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:14am by bubs_AKA_vermin

You didn't say one word about it? I've woken up to my roommate helping herself along (all us girls, keep in mind) and when her boyfriend was over. I made sure they knew not to disturb my sleep again.

#57 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:18am by WPQ14

I don't even wanna ask what he was slurping... FYL

#58 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:27am by whoakryspyy

LOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. "Girly Man Squeal"

#60 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:41am by ALphaOzcar

this is what you say, "you squeal louder then aunt bessy's pig at super time."

#65 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:00am by baileys82

Iraq you say? Maybe he would like you to be his "bag" dad.

#66 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:18am by doof_fisch

YDI for being in iraq, hahahahahaha

#68 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:17am by islaphippos

*shudders*

#69 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:21am by yeahreally

Are you really from Iraq? If so, sorry your country is messed up. Our president Ol' Bush had a way with screwing with things we couldn't control. Best of luck.

#70 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:24am by jewelzgalore

He's probably a U.S. soldier stationed over there.

#96 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:19pm by qwerty123456789

Are you really from Iraq? If so, sorry your country is messed up. Our president Ol' Bush had a way with screwing with things we couldn't control. Best of luck.

#71 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:24am by jewelzgalore

And Obama is screwing things up even more, just it's now on our own soil.

#75 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:19am by dk2008

I agree to that completely, # 75.

#79 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:56am by sodaxpopxhiccups

He's stationed there, not from there.

#84 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:21am by Dats_Fd_up

How do you know that?

#135 - On 07/23/2009 at 1:29pm by xxmollyxx

Was he sucking his own dick?
Anyways, YDI for rooming with that guy.

#72 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:28am by AnaMaree

... What? How is that his fault? Very faulty reasoning...

#108 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:26pm by qetzacoatl122112

Slopping and slurping? Unless he was performing auto-fellatio I recommend that he sees a doctor.

#73 - On 07/11/2009 at 2:50am by pietastesgood

well you could have joined in and done it in sync, together so you had something in common.

#74 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:05am by lucksnothear1

I honestly wish I stopped reading this after 'Today'.
Oh jeez. D:

#77 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:27am by somaturee

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.

lolstika 卐 :)

#78 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:37am by jjneep

...

#80 - On 07/11/2009 at 3:57am by Lonely_Lez

OMG! A terorrist FML!

#82 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:37am by ivals

Ugh, now it's hunting me to, and I didn't even hear it.

#83 - On 07/11/2009 at 5:13am by penelope

ewww.. that really sucks

#86 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:02am by mylifesucksoften

What kind of man are you?! ... That was possibly the best oppourtunity to you'll ever have to get prime blackmail and/or ridicule material, and you wimped out and did nothing.

#87 - On 07/11/2009 at 6:42am by SimpleSimon

Wow dude i am just stationed here in iraq you dipshit FYL for not reading the above comments............

#90 - On 07/11/2009 at 7:46am by Magneon

Racism much ?

#92 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:12am by el_ECTRO

This made me laugh, but FYL.

#89 - On 07/11/2009 at 7:25am by ShenziSixaxis

Hey, Fuck u #88. How about u get ur trailer trash ass up n learn a thing or two about the Iraq war b4 u start spreading ur hate. Its not our fault ur brothers really ur father and youre gonna end up breading monstrous love babies with your sister/cousin. How about u stop cross breading and then talking to us like were the "filthy" people u stupid dick-wad. Haha smart money says u cant even pin-point Iraq, your biggest current exploit on a map.

#91 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:00am by SHN

WHY HAS THIS WEBSITE GONE SOFT???? SEX IS NOW CALLED INTIMACY, AND THE WORD "FUCK" IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!! THIS SUCKS :(

#97 - On 07/11/2009 at 12:25pm by youaresofucked

well at least you have your screenname :)

#98 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:09pm by deathbunny256

ROFLMFAOL !!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!

i would mock him with the sound all day long omg i have a headache from laughing !!

#99 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:24pm by Arabian_Dude

WTF?!?!?

#100 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:32pm by lobby0ne

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWW!!!! YOOOOOOOOOO THAT'S SICK!!!! ERYONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE A REASON FOR AN FML NOW! READING THIS!!!! There should now be about 20 fmls about this nasty one cuz they read it!!... I advise gettin a new roommate... NOW!

#101 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:45pm by YungMarlon23

Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

#102 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:50pm by YungMarlon23

LMAO!!
aww poor you lol

#103 - On 07/11/2009 at 1:57pm by Princess_LC

D:

#104 - On 07/11/2009 at 4:45pm by Leaveittosteven

"Hey man high five!"

#106 - On 07/11/2009 at 8:44pm by ismHAKUREI

... I'm sorry. Have an interwebs cookie. D:

#109 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:29pm by niska

"girly man squeal" LMFAO. Omg. That sucks so much.

#110 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:35pm by College_Aphro

Lmao, hahaha!

#111 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:36pm by superchicken015

Oh shit. That sucks! This is one of many reasons I will never have a roommate...

#112 - On 07/11/2009 at 10:38pm by jmgirl

O.o

#113 - On 07/11/2009 at 11:53pm by thisisnotagame

And you didn't interrupt him!? This could've been HIS FML!

#114 - On 07/12/2009 at 12:14am by Oatmon

I just got hard.

#116 - On 07/12/2009 at 4:12pm by Sy

I almost threw up in my mouth a little. I think the "girly man squeal" did the trick...it's one thing to have a visual but another entirely to add sound effects. FYL, and F deployment with roommates who have no concept of "private time". Pun intended.

#117 - On 07/12/2009 at 7:04pm by SlyFawkes

'girly man squeal' lmfao

#118 - On 07/12/2009 at 7:57pm by oops_encore

'Girly Man Squeal' ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have recorded him...lolzzzzz

#119 - On 07/12/2009 at 9:17pm by araceli86

i would have gone into the room where he is and say u want me to finish for u and then give him a blowjob. no lie thts wat i would do

#120 - On 07/12/2009 at 9:41pm by GoldenMan9966

that is disgusting.
next time, keep the sound effects to yourself.

#121 - On 07/13/2009 at 2:14am by an3

Tonight go to him while he is asleep and "paint his eyes shut"

#122 - On 07/13/2009 at 3:42pm by donkey_hang_down

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
ohhh maaan
blast some music 2 get it out of your head....
and let him know he needs a girlfriend.

#123 - On 07/13/2009 at 5:46pm by Mandiiee_13

If ur a girl. And i hope u are. U shuda helped him

#124 - On 07/13/2009 at 6:55pm by iTzAcrazyLifE

epic fail. it clearly says "man" next to his username.

#125 - On 07/14/2009 at 6:20pm by casmith07

FML for having a vivid imagination. I'm now hearing slurping and slopping sounds, followed by a girly man squeal.

#126 - On 07/16/2009 at 3:57pm by DirtyParkBench

O_e hehe...sorry about that...at least he didnt say your name or anything...FYL

#127 - On 07/16/2009 at 4:00pm by DemonicAngel151

I feel bad for you.

#129 - On 07/17/2009 at 6:47pm by Ashayu

lol'd

#131 - On 07/21/2009 at 3:59am by chaskaballa01

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!
Oh my god! That's so disturbingly hilarious! I'm SO sorry... That's absolutely horrible...

But I love the way you worded it, "haunted", and "girly man squeal" are just too funny. So great, so great. Definitely one of my favorite FML's ever. (And particularly upsetting since I have a vivid and uncontrollable imagination... I feel traumatized too... ._. )

#132 - On 07/22/2009 at 11:02am by This_Quiet_Storm

Well i am glad you can share my pain. I havent been able to look him square in the face since without laughing. I confronted him about it; he didnt care. Even when i mentioned the girly man squeal, he simply said meh you should have stayed asleep. FML. (FYI i am in the military so i have no choice but to room with him out here,again. FML)

#134 - On 07/23/2009 at 2:52am by Magneon

you should write a book about it i litarally fell on the ground laughing y would he be doin tat wen he knows u can wake up any moment those are just desparet people

#133 - On 07/22/2009 at 12:31pm by Hurleygal

lol sounds like me my freshman year of college

#136 - On 07/24/2009 at 3:00am by is_it_in

"Girly man squeal" I would have been terrified.

#137 - On 08/07/2009 at 12:03am by lolatflyingducks

"girly man squeal" OMG I just had a laughing fit.

Still man FYL

Jessica

#138 - On 09/22/2009 at 10:35am by aussiegirl1990

funy

#139 - On 11/18/2009 at 9:53pm by HarperGirl

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