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Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

#2602287 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (49879) - you totally deserved it (6416)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

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no.no.dan.'s life also sucks

soljaboy also deserved it

Comments

bahaha

#1 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:09pm by lovexsongs

maybe it was a dream ? lol

#2 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:10pm by nomorehope

FYL indeed sir

#3 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:11pm by AndyBoy

is your name Dan, by any chance?

#4 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:12pm by YLIF

HAHA well at lest she was happy
tell her she owes you one

#5 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:12pm by haggyhog

Lol i feel bad for you lol you must of missed out!!!!

#6 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:13pm by Lowson

Might be worth filming it next time :D

What a lovely thing to hear during breakfast too.

#7 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:14pm by Mykeh

#4, completely AWESOME reference there! Anyone missing this link, check FML #2596976. =]

#8 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:15pm by Rothiseph

lmao @ 4:)

fyl indeed.

#9 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:15pm by Ashlie_Renee

lol maybe she was just messing with you.
That, or she thought you were horrible and she was calling you out sortof..

#10 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:16pm by treli1593

honestly I think she was probably dreaming...

#149 - On 06/19/2009 at 8:14pm by pocketrockets

What? How you have intense mind-blowing sex in your sleep? O_O
You definitely earned some bragging rights with that haha.

#11 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:16pm by PureGold

She just forgot the mindblowing sex was with the guy is she is having an affair with. No biggie.

#12 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:17pm by necromancerlord

just remember, drugs are powerful substances.

#13 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:19pm by anniesaysbueno

Hey she did say it was mind blowing. That's why you can't remember it.

The important thing is that she did and you will be known as someone who gets the job done. AIR FIVE!

#14 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:21pm by blabbermouth26

You know your life is shitty when you get sex from your girlfriend. I feel your pain, man. Stay strong.

#15 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:22pm by RyanRaygun

Maybe she was screwing with you.

#16 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:24pm by machinedreams

She put a pill in your drink, Did 5 other guys while you were knocked out, and gave you the compliments to make you feel like a champ....this is all coming from experience

#17 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:26pm by DreMaMa

damn are you serious...shit that sucks.. :(

#150 - On 06/19/2009 at 8:18pm by pocketrockets

A lot of the commenters here are dying to know want model vibrator she used.

#18 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:29pm by I_am_stupid_also

Nope, it's real. It's called sleep sex, like sleep walking. Happens to me and my boyfriend sometimes.

#19 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:32pm by Kollene22

#17-ew
#18-you brought redemption back to the fml that #17 stole

#20 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:33pm by blabbermouth26

thats not an FML..you should've said "yeah it was we should do it again tonight"

#21 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:39pm by jncwmnd

HAHAHAHAHHA @ #4
that is SO true

#22 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:46pm by Princessxo10

This is not an FYL. You gave your girlfriend the best sex she's ever had...in your sleep. There are only two other men who can pull that off- Hugh Jackman, and Jesus.

#23 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:47pm by golden130

#23 - hahaha! So true!

#24 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:49pm by Kalofinator

ok this was an episode of Mad About You, good work

#25 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:51pm by failmajorsauce

That's cause you were so whiskeydicked you lasted like a champion and worked every angle of her love canal. Story of my life.

#26 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:51pm by SlooterMcGavin

i dont understand what #15 is trying to say
how is your life shitty if youre having sex with your girl?

#27 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:51pm by rallets

ROFL @ #23. I almost pissed myself laughing.

#28 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:53pm by brittanycraze

#27, #15 is using a intersting tool called SARCASM!
and is making fun of the op.
#27 was to sound like dumbass good job

#29 - On 06/04/2009 at 8:54pm by dancin303

ah man my life sucks i rocked my girlfriends world and don't remember it...poor fucking me.

#30 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:01pm by guitardedman

Were you on Ambien at the time?? Or was she?????? hahaha!

#31 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:01pm by _insertnamehere_

Who cares, as long as she's happy! Maybe you can do it that good again!

#32 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:09pm by forsalebypwner

This comment has been moderated.

#33 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:09pm by rallets

Well, at least she thought you were good. Sad you missed out on it, but at least you have that.

I must admit, random middle-of-the-night sex is usually pretty good, provided both people actually fully wake up at some point.

#34 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:11pm by mouseintern

were you drunk??!

#35 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:13pm by DEATHx2

Actually this was from an old TV show, called "Mad about you" with Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt. I'm guessing your just making this up from that. but maybe not.. who knows.. :-)

#36 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:22pm by TasteRC

lmaoooooooooo #4 and #23
xD

#37 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:23pm by _HollieWould

#4: funniest comment I've ever read lol

#38 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:24pm by CodeMan16

I really don't see how your life is f***ed. I mean... if this constitutes an FML, wtf are you complaining about?

#39 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:25pm by Victoria2103

#23 ...LMAO...stomach pain from laughing xD

if you're a sleepwalker that's just and ordinary thing...i've done it too while sleepwalking...:q

one good explanation for this is that maybe you coward yourself (maybe even without noticing) while you're awake....but when you're uncouscious/sleeping you can get to your instincts and well the.....work...

the advice I have for you is...sometimes you gotta let your dick think for you...xD

#40 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:30pm by 8ranko

HAHAHA #4!

#41 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:32pm by HAHA_13

haha, well at least you don't even have to be awake to remember it.

#42 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:36pm by 24788

#33. What did #29 spell wrong.

#43 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:39pm by kapay

#43, its obvious what he misspelled

#44 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:42pm by rallets

dude i totally understand this is a fml because he totally rocked in bed gave his girlfriend the best sex she ever had. the bad thing is he cant remeber how he did it so know on she is going to be expecting him to perform that same lvl of sex when ever they do it but because he doesnt know what he did lol its not going to be the same lol

#45 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:47pm by ithedarkknight

LOL #23 is amazing!

#46 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:50pm by Addicted2FML303

Take a Que, she likes it Rough and hard. Sometime when she's doing the dishes, yank her to the floor and do her right there-be a caveman every now and then, you'll both be happy.

#47 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:50pm by 0neiros

better asleep than awake?

#48 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:52pm by x0aka0x

Now you know. You have to let her do all the work for sex to be great. And knowing is half the battle.
Oh and possible rape.

#49 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:54pm by NoMercy

Number four, you win forever. ahaha

#50 - On 06/04/2009 at 9:56pm by AnaDoll

well we all know you did something right :D

#51 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:01pm by dan81892

damn hangover

#52 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:02pm by strickerman101

hahahaaahaha that is the funniest thing ive heard all day.
sucks for you though.

#53 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:05pm by takemeonthefloor

This might constitute date-rape.

#54 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:10pm by Dragonmouth

she's lying to you.

#55 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:13pm by dem54

#7 Filming really? Porn is not necessary if you get the real thing on the other hand it would be useful since you do not remember how you did it. and lmao

#56 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:16pm by suckingatlife

Dude you got roofied.

#58 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:17pm by peanut_gallery

Wow dude... if the best sex she's gotten from you was when you were half asleep... yeah, both your lives are fucked.

Hahah or maybe she's lying just to fuck with you. :p That'd be funny.

#59 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:23pm by jnic

Did she tell you she had sex with you? Maybe she was with someone else last night while you were sleeping.

#60 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:24pm by thugbert

#33,43,44 sorry i mispelled interesting. its a typo. and btw i am a she

#61 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:32pm by dancin303

Tell her to go round 2 tonight, you weren't finished experimenting the night before. Just go wild with whatever crazy moves you can come up with and see what happens.

#62 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:37pm by evilwoody

wow good job dude you got the bomb stuff in your sleep lol n lmao at #4

#63 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:43pm by spidergirl040812

it's better that way :)

#64 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:45pm by Trooth

Epic LOL @ 4 & 23

#65 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:50pm by _Skies

sucks to be you. =)

#66 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:50pm by amykillswitch

hahahahahahaah #4

#67 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:52pm by AlexZB

you sure she isn't just fucking with you? sounds like something i would do to my boyfriend if i was a girl.

#68 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:53pm by yungmoolahbaby

Lewl @ #26.

Not like you don't have another chance to recreate it.

:)

#69 - On 06/04/2009 at 10:56pm by jSOPURE

Just because it was on Mad About You doesn't mean this doesn't happen in real life. The writers did have to get inspiration from something!

#70 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:00pm by chasing_adalia

LMAO #4 ya u guys got to read the other FML to get it if u havnt

#71 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:08pm by Dead_and_Gone

Can someone explain to me why #4 is so funny??

#72 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:09pm by hiandbaii

Film it next time

#73 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:10pm by HorrorByrd

at least it's not really bad thing...

#74 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:10pm by fishburger420

if you don't get #4...

Today, I came home from work late (2:30am). As I snuck carefully into bed and laid down next to my sleeping future wife, my fiancee half awake said "No, no... Dan will be home soon." I am Dan. FML

#75 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:12pm by yungmoolahbaby

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_sex

#76 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:14pm by jadeddream

This is a FMl because he can only give good sex in his sleep (or sleep sex as they call it).

#77 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:21pm by dyld921

LOL LOL LOL @ # 4 and # 23

and.. # 77! hahaha good one

#78 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:28pm by greenb0ttlecap

I hope you didn't tell her that. xD

#79 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:53pm by i_imagine

hahaha, this is awsome. It has definitely happened to me before, but I was in your girlfriends situation. Honestly, when my boyfriend told me he didn't remember it, it didn't even bother me. I was too satisfied.

#80 - On 06/04/2009 at 11:55pm by rhiannaa

You must suck when you are awake for it to be mind blowing when you're asleep. YDI

#81 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:01am by athos1237

If she enjoyed it so much what on earth do you have to say FML about?

#82 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:11am by nycemt83

lmao 4

#83 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:18am by ghostgirll

lmao 4

#84 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:18am by ghostgirll

#15 LMFAO funniest comment ever!!!

#85 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:19am by Mariee265

you're a pretty lucky guy to be woken up for that reason out of others. still I'd be PO'd if someone interrupted my sleep even if it was for sex.

#86 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:23am by IllegalLight

Lmfao At #23 And I Dont Get #4 .? But Yheaa .. It Probably Was A Dream Or She Was Playing W| You.

#87 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:29am by ihTzJasMine

Something similar happened to me with my ex-girlfriend but at least I remembered having sex and that it was awesome (although nothing more)...anyhow, her reaction was the same.

Dinnae, maybe being half asleep draws out the animal in a man ...

#88 - On 06/05/2009 at 1:02am by Subtext

Haha yeah maybe it was a dream.

#91 - On 06/05/2009 at 1:25am by Fruitcakee

Nice! Hope she cleaned ya off before going back to bed..hate to have a mess to clean early in the morning.

#92 - On 06/05/2009 at 2:06am by DizzyDemon0

Just ask her to tell you in detail and claim it's just to hear her talk dirty, or for foreplay?

#93 - On 06/05/2009 at 3:01am by nobody_special

haha i get #4's joke =D maybe this person is Dan... haha! but next time, you might want to wake up cause if I hear 'lets have sex', i'm awake in no more than a second!

#94 - On 06/05/2009 at 3:04am by najiiexbabii

that jsut made me laugh so hard! LOL!!!!!!! =]

#95 - On 06/05/2009 at 3:49am by kittycatgirl

Congratulations: your best preformance yet was when you were half asleep!

Seriously though, it's normal to forget things from just after waking up.

#97 - On 06/05/2009 at 4:06am by BenignScientists

hahah thanks for summarizing that episode of mad about you. and if u like legit didnt know about the episode, she was lying to you haha

#98 - On 06/05/2009 at 4:25am by hollykins91

This isn't an fml, although you shouldn't have let her know you didn't remember it. Should have used it to your advantage - tell her you were glad she enjoyed it so much and how it was really good for you as well, pointing out it was probably because you felt such a connection to her... Now ask her that favour that you wanted from her - she'll probably do it.

#99 - On 06/05/2009 at 4:57am by NotTheAverage

wasn't this an ep of "Mad About You"?

#100 - On 06/05/2009 at 5:10am by darkfaery

i dont remember if that has happened to me but i sure as hell remember being woken up like that :D

#101 - On 06/05/2009 at 6:09am by dragonmystik3030

if you're that good in bed unconcious, i'm guessing she'd just love concious sex with you.

#102 - On 06/05/2009 at 6:26am by john_ulan

Since when the fuck is this an FML? You had sex, she said it was the best, wow, FYL indeed

#104 - On 06/05/2009 at 6:41am by MoonTiger

Ha, some people sleep walk, you my friend, sleep Fuck... Way cooler. Go with it, so you don't remember it? Big deal. If you keep it up she is going to stick around.

#105 - On 06/05/2009 at 8:38am by DankJemo

i guess a first date bj is in store to make up for this

#106 - On 06/05/2009 at 9:13am by thisissilly123

#27 - i think what 15 is trying to say is that the guy should be fucking the girl.. not the other way around
pretty damn sexist and unnecessary.
unless he's being sarcastic (like that your life is obvs not shitty when you're getting some)
idk.
anyways this is just a sketchy overall FML. i dont get it.
you could have been drunk. on a shitload of drugs. or asleep.
you dont really give us enough info. so i just dont find it funny. its just weird

#107 - On 06/05/2009 at 9:23am by theoldGP

#4, #23, #29 = ROFLMAO
That was EPIC
You win at life!!!!!!!!!!
XD

#109 - On 06/05/2009 at 9:44am by myfairyoshi

That's happened to me too!

#110 - On 06/05/2009 at 10:30am by helios_rex

Totally agree with #58, roofies suck.

#111 - On 06/05/2009 at 10:52am by Niasyn

I've heard about this. Apparently people are way less inhibited when they're sleep screwing and really go to town on their partners. Too bad they can't remember it!

#112 - On 06/05/2009 at 11:00am by imkendra

#2595343
#2596976

Must be related Somehow O-O

#113 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:05pm by deee___jaaayyy

i guess it is a FML if you don't remember it and it was that good, but you get woken up in the middle of the night to have sex so it's also not really a FML.

#114 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:40pm by ezbz11

does she sleepwalk? ask your neighbors lol

#115 - On 06/05/2009 at 1:22pm by gsfgf

This has definetely happened to me several times before. As the girlfriend, I looked it up online and turns out it is an actual condition that occur if your stressed. Weird, I know.

#116 - On 06/05/2009 at 3:17pm by ihavenofml

#23, you're forgetting Chuck Norris. When you're making a list of people, you often have to include Chuck. This is one of those lists.

Some exceptions:
- A list of losers. Chuck is a winner, even if he loses.
- A list of women. You'd have to say Micheal Jackson there.
- A list of groceries. You can't afford Chuck Norris.
- A list of men. Chuck Norris is more of a 'God' than a 'Man'.
- A list of vegetarians. Chuck Norris eats vegetarians.
- A list of who's coming to your birthday party. Chuck Norris has no friends. Only victims.

#117 - On 06/05/2009 at 3:18pm by Uber_G33k

4 WINNNNNSSS!

Zing!

#118 - On 06/05/2009 at 4:40pm by Agrajagged

Well your either #4 or #23.
FUnny either way

#119 - On 06/05/2009 at 5:18pm by misssweetie

Aww, if she said that once, there may be a next time :\

#120 - On 06/05/2009 at 6:04pm by uberchicken

Well, while it would have been nice to experience it... you did come out of it with your girlfriend having a positive attitude toward you, so it's hardly an FML.

#121 - On 06/05/2009 at 6:09pm by skippyelgato

Sex outside marriage. how cheap an sinful is that.

#122 - On 06/05/2009 at 6:28pm by nilofc

FYL good sir

#123 - On 06/05/2009 at 7:06pm by Amorbis

this is from "mad about you", a sit-com with paul raiser and helen hunt. it was ok, got kinda shitty on the later seasons (this is from the later seasons)

#124 - On 06/05/2009 at 10:15pm by pete275

are u sure it was u?

#125 - On 06/05/2009 at 10:49pm by Ricky_rubio121

Ho damn... You missed out sucka

#126 - On 06/05/2009 at 10:51pm by JoyFly

i think your girlfriend raped you dude

#127 - On 06/06/2009 at 12:25am by mother_green7

LOL @ #4; you're so great. Lol.

#128 - On 06/06/2009 at 6:30am by cchang604

Just ask her to remind you, but subtly, so she doesn't get pissy at you.

#129 - On 06/06/2009 at 12:00pm by Lexodus

lmfao #4 ftw. That was awesome. xD

#130 - On 06/07/2009 at 12:37am by alewiina

that sucks monkey butt.

#131 - On 06/07/2009 at 12:37am by caitylovesyou4

sarcasm on her part?

#132 - On 06/07/2009 at 4:24pm by Coconutpalm

that sucksss!

#133 - On 06/08/2009 at 8:21am by q_tipperz

Your girlfriend woke you up in the middle of the night to have sex?

...lucky bastard.

#134 - On 06/08/2009 at 1:31pm by Zanju

That's kind of a good thing.

#135 - On 06/09/2009 at 4:06pm by conorstuff

She only said that coz shes never had me.

#136 - On 06/09/2009 at 9:24pm by Heelix

wow... nice thing 2 talk bout during breakfast,

thats crazy u dont even member that u fucked her last night com'on u serious...?

#137 - On 06/10/2009 at 11:01pm by HERSEy_KISSz

um....nice thing 2 talk about during breakfast =]

buh i think its crazy u dont member fucking her that night im mean really u serious..?

#138 - On 06/10/2009 at 11:03pm by HERSEy_KISSz

um....nice thing 2 talk about during breakfast =]

#139 - On 06/10/2009 at 11:05pm by HERSEy_KISSz

um....nice thing 2 talk about during breakfast =]

#140 - On 06/10/2009 at 11:05pm by HERSEy_KISSz

um....nice thing 2 talk about during breakfast =]

#141 - On 06/10/2009 at 11:05pm by HERSEy_KISSz

hahaha; dont feel alone.
i've heard that story many times before.

#142 - On 06/11/2009 at 7:07pm by usmcgf_09

Rape?

#143 - On 06/11/2009 at 8:21pm by FoundManyLemons

I think she's screwing with you.
It never happened.

#144 - On 06/12/2009 at 2:05pm by nineteensixty4

okay this really reminds me of a Mad About You-episode

#145 - On 06/12/2009 at 2:49pm by sannerly

ouch!
im sorry dude.

#146 - On 06/14/2009 at 11:23pm by ChelsiLeah

Oh hell no. Sorry to hear that, dude.

#147 - On 06/17/2009 at 8:56am by Waytooshitty

Why is that a problem?

#148 - On 06/17/2009 at 2:33pm by acr91276

haha tru tru

#151 - On 06/19/2009 at 8:21pm by pocketrockets

this is a copy of an episode of "Mad About You." with Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser

#152 - On 08/27/2009 at 12:49am by desert_dweller5

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