Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML
Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to, "Get a life. Or better pick-up lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 minutes away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML
Today, while I was working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sold dildos. FML
Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML
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Top comments
ladybuglet 22
Instead of buying a card, use the money on extra batteries.
DocBastard 38
Why do people bother trying to lie like this? You think you're the first girl to buy a *****? It's like the guy who buy a Penthouse and condoms. "No, the Penthouse is for my, uh, girlfriend. She likes the articles."
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Comments (133)
XxcaitanatorXx 12
lol she knew
Ashamed_Sister 60
It surely wasn't the first time the cashier saw a cover-up like this.
challan 19
of course she did! First time I went into an adult store with my girlfriends we made up this elaborate story of throwing a bachelorette party. Total BS. Then it gets easier once you realize everyone is in there to diddle or wank.
PrincessPesa 20
How are we so sure the clerk is a she?
DyslexicPanda 12
Does it matter, 60?
ladybuglet 22
Instead of buying a card, use the money on extra batteries.
BlowinChronic 18
Vibrators and ****** are different things. A ***** doesn't need any batteries.
ladybuglet 22
Whoops...I totally misread that! I know the difference between a ***** and a vibrator. Enjoy your new *****!
jgtrflynn 9
It does if it vibrates too...
ravenh1979 13
Absolutely right!! Heehee lol
ryan219 3
Who is sending this?
Brandon_NW 9
You jnow quiet well huh.. :p
Daisy1211 6
some ****** do vibrate..
hemz_fml 13
I'm not going to ask how you knew the difference #9
kdbernie10 3
Gotta give the guy some props. If that wasn't for you that would have been awkward as hell. You should have denied it just to make him feel like a dick.
Life_sucks_13 6
Lol woulda been funny. OP could have just said "it's for a gag gift. Ever heard of it?" Lol
Jjimen1654 9
No, Op should have said, "i already have one and its a nicer model"
DocBastard 38
Why do people bother trying to lie like this? You think you're the first girl to buy a *****? It's like the guy who buy a Penthouse and condoms. "No, the Penthouse is for my, uh, girlfriend. She likes the articles."
SuperSofie 23
I would think you'd rather get tissues to go with the penthouse than condoms ;-)
Pleonasm 35
People will do anything to cover shame; no matter how petty the excuse, if it gives the mind ease, it's fair game. "No honey it's not what it looks like, I slipped and fell in!" "No mom, it's not what it looks like, the sock is because I'm cold there!" "No cashier, it's not what it looks like, this ***** is for my friend!' See? Lies people tell others, but mostly themselves.
MrConcise 34
The condoms are to trick yourself into thinking it's someone else. They go well with sitting on your hand, eh?
Jlow17 4
I just eat my cum no need for tissues
Pleonasm 35
"No, but it's sterile and I like the taste."
MerrikBarbarian 9
I've never understood the logic. I mean, honestly... A place that sells sex toys sees a lot of people buy them. Most shop owners are in the business because they like toys themselves. They have likely used many kinds if toys themselves and are great at explaining how they work, pros and cons, etc. I love trading notes with shop owners as I make custom toys. People should not be embarrassed by it... Or if you really find it that mortifying to admit you are human and have urges- order online. :p
cuppycakeslove 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That was very rude of him/her..I'm sorry OP...hopefully you find someone soon! :)
cuppycakeslove 20
Well that's obviously what she needs.
Axipiter 24
And her own... Uhhhh... Never mind...
ravenh1979 13
Lmao!! Yep.. Poor thing :(
NagainaFier 16
What, 61? A girl can't be happy without a man? Damn, I must miserable then!
Martinez0285 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
lezbe honest here... he was jus lookin out... rudely... but lookin out none the less :)
kxxjoejoexxk 8
Get out
pam241 15
So did you deny it?
gloooooria 14
Why purchase one if you're embarrassed? Buy it and own it. Shit, buy two with a smile on your face!
PrincessPesa 20
Amen! Knowing what turns you on and gets you off makes for better sex overall- solo or with a partner. But if you're really that bashful, order it online and save yourself the trouble of an alibi!
ravenh1979 13
Agreed!! :)
MerrikBarbarian 9
Amen to this! How can you tell a partner why turns you on if you aren't comfortable with yourself? I suggest in person buying to newbies just because shop owners are usually amazing, helpful people who will be sure you get what you will enjoy. Online is fantastic not just for the bashful but you can get unique items or better prices sometimes.
asherm 15
True, got my blue dolphin from Spencer's. walked in, got it, got grin from hot cashier (shoulda asked if he could help me haha). Own it!
QQmore_fml 18
Might as well just save the money and be honest, you might not look lonely the cashier probably see's this a thousand times a day and says it to everyone getting a ***** and a B-day card.
Swaggintotehmax 2
I would like this comment but I don't want to take it off of 69 likes... lol
shaww 28
awkies...