Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML
What ARE you doing?
Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML
Booming
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML
Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML
So sensual...
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Top comments
tsent8 15
It's not his fault. He was just trying to get his people out of Egypt.
k_ninjaa 9
At least he has a sense of humor!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
k_ninjaa 9
At least he has a sense of humor!
killmoose 5
Why the hell would she want him, or would he want to **** her on her period? It seems like that would be much much better than the pusston massacre
HowieDoIt 21
Killmoose, you're being more of a killjoy.
lilhellian 26
Some guys are very horny and will **** anytime.. Others it's a fetish..
ThatsMyPie 20
17 - I have sex with my girlfriend when she's on her period... It's really not a huge issue; we just keep foreplay to a minimum.
ironichalibut 24
31- While reading your comment a case of temporary dyslexia hit me, and I read "I have sex with pies.."
zandalee 19
For some men, sex with pies is considered favorable.
killmoose 5
Well I guess if he said "spread your legs" she would have to expect 2 things -he wants to get period blood all over his penis -he's joking in some manor
OneNightStander 6
I've had sex with girls on their period. It's not that bad, and there's even less of a chance of them getting pregnant.
evilscorpi 29
#68 I could swear a girl could still get pregnant even during your period
sadistmonkey 19
HowieDoIt - Since moose are full of joy, killmoose is synonymous with killjoy.
ironichalibut 24
100- It's true, by the 21gram test, Moose were found to lose 42grams of what scientists believe to be pure joy.
love_me_electric 20
Not sure why 68 is getting thumbed down. He's right, girls are much less fertile while they're on their period. You release an egg about a week after you stop bleeding and sperm can't live in the woman's body for more than a week, so the only way you can get pregnant on your period is if you ovulate abnormally early that cycle.
ironichalibut 24
103- Yes, they may not be in the proper phase, but that doesn't mean you're not fertile as ever. If I remember health class correctly, although unlikely, it may be possible for sperm to swim up to "Fallopian?" tube, fertilizing an egg even at this stage. I don't know for sure though, health class does lie a lot.
greenmen 12
He has real good sense of humor! I have got to try that after baby comes
greenmen 12
Oh dude you must be gloating on Red Sea! WTF
ry24 12
When did we swap to movie logic here?
AllieCat21 21
17, you realize there are girls who are much hornier on their periods, right?
fml121785 14
If you can walk through mud, you can **** through blood! :P
Tali147 16
Does anyone else feel weird saying "Moose" as the singular and plural. I feel like the saying should be "Meese are full of joy"
ironichalibut 24
132- As a Canadian who has had to use the word their whole life, I couldn't agree with you more. If a goose in a group becomes geese, then a moose in a herd should almost definitely become meese, but no. The founders of the English language were probably playing a joke, either on us or the mighty, joyous moose. Either they wanted to make language feel clunky, or they thought the moose was such a simple creature as to only need one name, .. Jerks.
Tali147 16
Well I learned English as a second language, so imagine my confusion when studying plurals and they expected me to know that goose became geese but that moose didn't become meese. Also, the whole mouse > mice - house > houses thing got me.
SuperDanielNL 23
@68, you'll get blood on your dick.
love_me_electric 20
108 - I can't believe you're getting thumbed up when you're saying things like "if I remember from health class correctly." Don't pretend you know about this stuff until you've at least taken a basic human physiology course. Yes, the sperm can swim up the tubes, but there won't actually be any egg to fertilize until the woman ovulates. A sperm can't fertilize the egg while it's still in the ovaries, otherwise it would be possible for pregnant women to get pregnant again when they're halfway though their pregnancy. Ask any doctor and they will tell you I'm right. Yes, a woman CAN get pregnant on her period. But it's very very unlikely.
ironichalibut 24
157- I wasn't pretending to be an expert or a doctor, I even mentioned in the post that I may be recalling false information. I took health class, but human anatomy and biology are personal interests of mine so I have studied it, but not formally since grade 12 biology. Once again, I may just be quoting some misconception, but it's possible for women to get pregnant even after having their tubes tied(?), so are the Fallopian's really a necessary part of it? Probably, but there are other things going on. Also, when the egg is fertilized properly and lands in the uterus walls, hormones are quickly released to prevent just that, they cause things like a chemical "lock" to close on the ovaries, and the texture of the uterus to change to promote growth. In these conditions that little zygote will become a blastula, then the fetus that we all love and abort.
Ryodin 11
Seriously, that's funny stuff. Try not to hold it against him, you'd like him to be silly sometimes right?
tsent8 15
It's not his fault. He was just trying to get his people out of Egypt.
hellobobismyname 24
Out of Egypt and into the promised land.
HannahLouise96 13
"LET MY PEOPLE GO!"
skyeyez9 24
NO! I will not let them go, they are mine!
jarrettd 27
Beat me to it. Although i think he wants to let his people enter.
buddy51 23
I think you mean get his pee-pole deep into the red sea....
ElementaryEdGuy 18
Plus it was total payback for dumping kitty litter all over your stepdaughter's bedsheets.
HeartOfLead 24
I agree, Egypt is hairy and rough, and at this time of the month, very dry.
littlemonster94 15
Beware of the plagues if you say no though... O_o
weller0060 5
And then get his little guys into the promised land
Pandamonia88 9
So Egypt means penis? ._.
Mercified 4
A keeper.
VannahJane 17
Simply stated.
Pleonasm 35
Good thing he is number 3 then.
VannahJane 17
didn't mean to come t again my apologies
Pleonasm 35
You came again? Din't know you had a Joker fetish.
ironichalibut 24
Don't be sorry multiple O's is something most people dream of.
zebraumicornz 6
Your boyfriend is a boss
HeartOfLead 24
Jew think he read the previous FML to get some inspiration?
HaneenDixon 16
I laughed reading this. Your boyfriend sounds awesome! C'mon.. xD
BellaBelle_fml 23
Agreed. Relationships are so much more fun when both parties have a sense of humour. Teasing, tickling, laughing, and even the occasional light wrestling are so awesome when you can enjoy such things with a life partner and someone you love. I have fibromyalgia, arthritis in my hips, knees, and even my ribcage, as well as Crohn's disease. So simply being hugged can hurt me. But I will NEVER deny my husband the joy of tickling me and such. My mother has these problems as well and she didn't let my dad do those things to her so he simply quit trying to have fun with her and it has put somewhat of a strain on their relationship. I simply will not allow that to happen to my marriage. The last thing I want is for my husband to think or feel like I don't want him to touch me or have any fun with me at all. To me it's more important to have fun with him and run the risk of him accidentally hurting me than to never laugh or play with me. Of course whenever I ask him to stop because it has become too painful for me, and I generally allow him to tease, wrestle, or tickle me for a good while before I do ask him to stop, he always stops and never complains. This makes my life so much more enjoyable. I love it. I love him. Also, even though I've never had sex on my period, I don't think there's anything wrong with it so long as both parties are ok with it.
TheAbstract 15
Too long, didn't read.
TheAbstract 15
For the record, I did read your comment. I was just being a goon.
BellaBelle_fml 23
Haha, I agree. I tend to not be able to write short comments. It is most likely because I've seen so many people attacked for not elaborating on exactly what they meant in their comment or being misinterpreted. So I try to prevent that by explaining my points as best as I can. Sometimes it works and other times I get thumbed down or attacked anyways. And I don't mind really. If I'm wrong then I do want to know I am wrong. The more you know…
HaneenDixon 16
106- reading your comment all I thought was "awww how sweet" .. Wish you and your husband all the best =)
Mossears133 15
It's mixture of "BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!" and "y'all are soooo going to hell" XD
CoolBreezeKing 8
Yea that does sound really nice that u do that with ur husband, that's what makes a good marriage. I wish u guys the best.
lmngrl889 14
I laughed reading it too!
HowieDoIt 21
As long as you don't catch the 10 plagues, you should be fine.
Pleonasm 35
She already got the plague of blood. That's only the beginning. Let's hope it doesn't come down to death of firstborn.
TrueTriage 16
The boils, frogs, and the drought would be really rough too...
Enslaved 36
"So let it be written, so let it be done, I'm sent here by the chosen one" ***I learnt all about the events-- including the10th plague by listening to Metallica's "Creeping Death" (:
TwitchingNebula 17
Btw, there's only 7 plagues.
Enslaved 36
Nope, there were 10. :P
Gesula 24
He's a rare one.
NickaPLZ 26
Ya got that right...
boating_guy 33
definitely an awesome boyfriend though...
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Well, it was just a joke...
mb2_native 15
When the red river flows, take the dirt road.
ironichalibut 24
Hopefully you just laughed it off too, otherwise your boyfriend may find himself wandering a desert of abstinence for years on end.
KareBear7364 5
buzz kill...