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Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

I agree, your life sucks (23589) - you totally deserved it (1441)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

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wow's life also sucks

yomamma787 also deserved it

Comments

I love the way you wrote that OP!! (first?)

#1 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:16am by amaranthphantom

oh i do too

#2 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:22am by kelseygrammar

Oor.. instead of irritable bowel syndrome like one of you suggested... SHe could be fooling around with laxatives and have some sort of eating disorder (I think of this only because my name is "mystomachurts" ) You can get the drift.

#51 - On 11/25/2009 at 6:07am by mystomachurts

That was hella funny

#3 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:25am by Turtles_rock

This is everyday stuff for us with IBS.
FYL, Mate, I know what it feels like.

#4 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:29am by vapors

Oh dear god. What I like most about this is that if you were coming in from a car, you presumably made the decision somewhere in your sprint to the supermarket bathroom that it would be more worth it to potentially embarass yourself in front of the whole store than to bring your car somewhere to be cleaned. FYL for having to make the choice.

#5 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:32am by Unsaturatedfatty

Oh God  I remember when I had really bad diarrhea at Books A Million... Luckily it didn't reach past my underwear when I finally got to the bathroom.

Note to people in charge of bathrooms: it is NOT cool when you have to ask for keys to bathrooms. When I gotta go, I GOTTA GO.

#6 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:42am by Avenging_Angel

simply hillarious, now bring on the shit jokes

#7 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:42am by Einstein714

WOW.. I havent laugh this hard. FML is not dead after all.

#8 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:46am by namezox

Naw, you don't have to move but you should get plastic surgery to change the appearance of your face :/

#9 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:47am by mercyFML

Or wear a sandwich bored that reads:
"Many of you may have seen my identical twin brother Irving. He's that guy that pooped in the market? Yeah, now you remember him. Anywho, he left town, so maybe we should all stop mentioning the pooping. Anyone see the game last night? There, let's talk about that instead."

#55 - On 11/25/2009 at 8:56am by flying_vegan

This should be instantly sent to Top FMLs.

#10 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:56am by Neroflux

LMFAO!

#11 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:01am by spaaw

Ooo that sucks!!! Well if you gotta go, you gotta go!

#12 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:09am by Starfire22

Lol. Funny shit. And your not missing much by having to avoid that crappy supermarket. ;)

#13 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:15am by Jimboom

everybody poops. maybe not explosively..

#14 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:18am by grandma_moses

Should of just shit in your car, or outside, or just anywhere other than streaming it through the store and everyone's food..

#15 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:24am by driedpeaches

GREASE LIGHTNING!!! Run faster next time, or piss out of your ass at home before. Either way, that sucks. I would never go back to that store.lol Think of the person who had to clean it up...

#16 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:29am by donkey_hang_down

Today, this guy came into my store and sprayed nastly, liquid diarrhea EVERYWHERE. And I had to clean it up.

F both of your lives.

#17 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:40am by Inky

you arent the first, go read The Austin Road Trip story by Tucker Max. He just so happens to be famous and loaded, so rather than be embarrassed by it, he published it in a book and made a movie out of it...maybe you could try that

#18 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:41am by culeysue015

Thats great. my wife calls that a " home depot moment" because the same thing happened to here there. it was funny as hell. Another time my step dad vanished for what seamed like forever at a restaurant. turns out, he had the same thing and had to throw out his underwear in the bathroom trashcan. FYL

#19 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:48am by trizzieb

Crud, OP. I'm sorry you had such a shitty time. Hopefully you ran down the aisle with toilet paper and paper towels to make the poor workers' lives easier.

#20 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:52am by caancoha

RUN FOREST RUN! LOL. Very funny OP, FYL though.

#21 - On 11/24/2009 at 12:13pm by chellinha93

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.

Here's a tip: Learn about sphincter control, you idiot. Clench that fucker up like someone's trying to rape you (and you AREN'T enjoying it). Then not only will you be able to make it to the bathroom, you could walk there calmly without causing a scene.

#22 - On 11/24/2009 at 12:17pm by bdfortin

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.

true!

#33 - On 11/24/2009 at 2:44pm by goldpeaches

Yeah... i'm SURE op didn't try to hold it or anything. IO guess you would know. Shit must run through you all the time cause you're definitely an asshole.

#41 - On 11/24/2009 at 6:28pm by Oplleez

Ewww, been there.. but I would of stayed in the car if I knew I couldn't make it. Better to strip in your doorway and clean your car afterwards.

#23 - On 11/24/2009 at 12:29pm by bluetech

I watched this happen to someone in a stake and shake. Thanks for bringing back that memory... EWW

#24 - On 11/24/2009 at 12:43pm by gator_fan101

New market, new town, new life.

#25 - On 11/24/2009 at 12:57pm by Arkluq

It's the new craze - the diarrhea dash! It was a supermarket smash!

#26 - On 11/24/2009 at 1:07pm by blastvortex

Wow thats shitty.......literally.

#27 - On 11/24/2009 at 1:41pm by jilla07

Wow thats shitty.......literally.

#28 - On 11/24/2009 at 1:43pm by jilla07

yeah you said that already

#50 - On 11/25/2009 at 5:40am by toodlesmccoy

I hope you don't live in my town, OP.

No seriously, that sucks. It's cool to see a poster from Alabama though :D

#29 - On 11/24/2009 at 1:56pm by mohlee

From OP: I, good citizen that I am upon rare occasion, in fact cleaned up everything, including my "trail" which was, thankfully, short because my pants were absorbant. (I recommend heavy natural fibers should you wish to re-create this distressing experience.)

I was also helped by my wife, whom I've formally nominated for sainthood only because nothing more lofty was open. It was she who handed me dozens of paper towels dipped in warm water with which I cleaned myself. It was she who washed my pants in the bathroom sink (!) while driving away customers who only thought they needed to use the mens room. It was she who acted as lookout while I darted out to clean my "trail."

Finally, to 22: it's called "explosive" diarrhea because you can't stop it no matter how hard you clench. Your clencher is no match for several feet of your musculara propria in full spasm, squeezing your large intestine with a death grip. If it ever happens to you, you'll understand all too well.

#30 - On 11/24/2009 at 2:00pm by sadder

Strengthen your sphincter you must.

#31 - On 11/24/2009 at 2:04pm by tayzer

Thank You! I haven't actually laughed out loud on FML in awhile. My faith has been restored in the shitty lives of strangers.

#32 - On 11/24/2009 at 2:34pm by dazzleme

Omg I'd fucking kill myself....

#34 - On 11/24/2009 at 3:03pm by Drummerboy0272

I. Love. This. FML!

#35 - On 11/24/2009 at 3:06pm by DynamicDave

wow. that was like a short story.
very descriptive! haha

#36 - On 11/24/2009 at 4:08pm by l0v3t0h8

I hope someone illustrates this one!

#37 - On 11/24/2009 at 4:21pm by Paneity

That is pretty shitty man. I feel your pain. I had to cut off some boxers and leave them floating in a port-0-potty once.

#38 - On 11/24/2009 at 4:27pm by CallMeHush

My sister sent me a picture of a poop covered toilet and wall last week at Sams.. im guessing its due to explosive diarreah? Sick. I still have the picture as proof!
*checking my photobucket..*

andd.. here the link for those that are curious. I cried at the horror that is explosive diarreah.

http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e199/pashaw/poop-3.jpg

#39 - On 11/24/2009 at 4:41pm by alexandraa

that is SO not for the faint at heart. lol. that's narsty!

#44 - On 11/24/2009 at 8:58pm by yohaun12

Jesus fucking christ....... THAT is why I'm scared to use public bathrooms!!!

#49 - On 11/25/2009 at 5:06am by intensitive

Oh my GAWD! xD
I regret clicking that link now... though I have to admit I actually LOL'd.

#64 - On 11/26/2009 at 2:26am by xf0rg0tt3nx

I saw something similar to that but about a billion times worse at a Wendy's once. The smell was especially unpleasant. I had to avoid eating at Wendy's for about a year after that, haha.

#67 - On 11/27/2009 at 4:40am by alicecooper91

Man, I was laughing for quite a bit on this one. OP, you definitely have a way with words, FYL! :)

#40 - On 11/24/2009 at 6:20pm by zoffix

Man that's fucked up. FYL

#42 - On 11/24/2009 at 7:43pm by FoundManyLemons

been there done that. although my case I made it on time:)

#43 - On 11/24/2009 at 8:34pm by mykehawke

everyone poops!

don't worry about it.

#45 - On 11/24/2009 at 9:14pm by Laxloverr24

4 you said it those if us with ibs no the feeling. I have always made it to the bathroom.

#46 - On 11/24/2009 at 10:45pm by dloc1

Why the fuck would you run IN to the supermarket

#47 - On 11/24/2009 at 11:42pm by cyberpimp

wow

#48 - On 11/25/2009 at 12:30am by jjcooper

If it makes you feel any better my husband and I couldn't get through this without bursting into laughter after each sentence Xp
Liquid P00000000000000000000! X_x

#52 - On 11/25/2009 at 6:57am by do11eh

shit happens, and that is one of those "wrong place at the wrong time" moments..i feel so sorry for you man

#53 - On 11/25/2009 at 7:02am by betamaxjim92

Does it help to know that your shitty is amusing all of us? I just can't stop laughing!

#54 - On 11/25/2009 at 7:51am by chickchick

Adult diapers are in aisle 8, honey.

#56 - On 11/25/2009 at 9:36am by opinionator

What is with all these explosive diarrea stories? Is that like the new trend or something?!

#57 - On 11/25/2009 at 10:33am by 1234five

you never knew explosive diarreah was real?

#58 - On 11/25/2009 at 12:04pm by dannidelion226

"who put shit in my pants?!"

#59 - On 11/25/2009 at 2:54pm by dylanh

HAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA sorry but thats funny lolll

#60 - On 11/25/2009 at 7:33pm by cottoncandychic

how tucker-maxish. x)

#61 - On 11/25/2009 at 9:18pm by uneed2calmdown

Wow. This made my day lmao.

#62 - On 11/25/2009 at 11:39pm by CarterColbie

i literaly just cried laughing.

#63 - On 11/26/2009 at 12:18am by Thepilot_92

ROFLMAO so good.

#65 - On 11/26/2009 at 1:02pm by TrollSlayer

props to your fantastic story telling. I am so sorry this happened to you.

#66 - On 11/26/2009 at 7:26pm by spirited_away33

It happens to me once in high school. my pants was a mess and I was trapped in the toilet. Then I saw my friend in the washroom and I tell him to call my dad for pants. Then just when I got out of the washroom. I was stared down by almost everyone in the hallway because that friend of mine have spread the words to the whole school. And I was studying Grade 9 and stayed till I graduated. Even a grade 9-er knew about my incident when I was graduating. FML

#68 - On 11/27/2009 at 8:16am by SWEETking

Yep, it definitely does exist. It happened to me when i was walking home from school one time. Luckily, nobody else was around. I just cleaned it up in the comfort of my home :)

#69 - On 11/27/2009 at 7:53pm by looloogirl

epic

#70 - On 11/27/2009 at 10:43pm by nightmare22

thats epic

#71 - On 11/28/2009 at 3:38pm by TheRetardTracker

dude too much info jeez

#72 - On 11/29/2009 at 12:40pm by ryanr21

dude, i am SOOOOO sorry!!!! i would DIE if that ever happened to me. i suggets moving to another continent.

#73 - On 11/29/2009 at 6:01pm by sueQ

This is one of the few FML's worth the status of FML.

#74 - On 11/29/2009 at 6:18pm by MJ_Alexander

This isn't funny. That straight up sucks.

#75 - On 11/29/2009 at 9:13pm by michaelcarell

ok, here's my story, i was horribly sick but was one of the faster runners in my "house" at boarding school. the various houses competed against each other in carnivals a few times a year and i was set to run a relay. Not wanting to miss it I said I was well enough to run, go through about 300 of the 400 meters and my ass exploded, not slowing, i finished my leg. It was the winter carnival so i was wearing a decent amount of clothes and no one knew. There's nothing like walking down a hill a 1/4 mile with rapidly cooling feces running down your legs...

#76 - On 12/07/2009 at 9:36pm by driedpeaches

"shit" happens :D

#77 - On 12/27/2009 at 9:21pm by Sindy

i would have just shat in the car.

#78 - On 01/20/2010 at 12:01pm by freshx

wow, that'd be something that you don't see everyday

#79 - On 02/03/2010 at 12:05am by LTMcleod

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