Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML
Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML
Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML
Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML
Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML
Today, I noticed I had a dead gnat stuck on my chin. This was after an hour-long appointment with a good looking doctor. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ChenEighty 20
Next time he wants a *******, tell him it's too "icky".
photoquilty 6
Did you punch him? I would've punched him.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (85)
hotshot0185 15
At least he told you.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Yeah, because telling them solves the problem, doesn't it.
Jemm_fml 29
The wrong thing. Scared her with thoughts of cancer for an insect. Yeah, that's not a bright side.
ROSI3TH3CAT 18
Better he said something than not.. Some ticks can cause permanent diseases.
photoquilty 6
Did you punch him? I would've punched him.
Bakarra 22
I would have just "relocated" the tick
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Whoa, my brain saw that as 'relocate his dick'.
suboy 10
Plan B??
ChenEighty 20
Next time he wants a *******, tell him it's too "icky".
Jharrist89 12
Made my morning ^^
ChenEighty 20
Good to hear, 12. Still upset that I missed the "dick is as icky as a tick" pun, though. Thought of it 2 minutes after posting. XD
Ambient25 25
I think OP should have saved the tick and put it on the dick after sexy time.
nesscafe_fml 17
Hopefully his dick is not the size of a tick...
VeganVampyre 27
Never have I heard either of those two words used so frequently in a conversation, or together in not one, but multiple sentences.
Jharrist89 12
Your husband is a sissy man!
Jemm_fml 29
*sassy man. *snaps fingers*
Jharrist89 12
Lmao, oh no you didn't! *snaps fingers*
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Girlfrien' you need to leave his stank ass!! Uh huh!
then000bster 16
If I had a candy bar every time a white girl tried to be black, I'd be fat.
MissVeracity 12
Revenge is sweet. You know his weakness now. :)
wlddog 14
That just seems evil for some reason.
bombroot 9
I smell EEEEEVillll...
Wizardo 34
Well you sound ticked off, looks like he's got another cross on the naughty column...
chocolatechocha 8
Anyone else have to google what a wood tick looked like/was...unsure if I should've known....
Bakarra 22
You're 28 years old, you should know what a tick is by now
Mauskau 36
Well, no. They can live in an area that is not a habitat for ticks, or may have never been exposed to ticks, just like me and many others.
Alicestraza 33
I too have no idea what it is and I'm too scared to look it up.
lmasters35 5
I've seen a removed tick in a ziplock bag but fortunately never seen (or had) one stuck in my skin
suboy 10
Yea ive only seen pictures. Im sure we have them where i live but all ive ever seen is fleas
chocolatechocha 8
I know what a tick is of course. The "wood" was throwing me off.
Screwie 25
I would've asked to see it myself before going to the doctor, that way I can evade such situations. Quite useful, try it out.
Enslaved 38
Where on Earth was this tick on your body that you couldn't have examined it yourself?
kellygirl83 11
On their back, under the butt, behind the knee, in their hair in the back of their head....
Allornone 35
You'd be surprised. Last time i was at the doctor to have a couple moles checked out (skin cancer runs in my family), the doctor found one on my upper back thigh i didn't know about. Some places are just hard to examine. Believe me, there's a surprising chance there may be places on your own body you have never actually seen
Enslaved 38
"It's like you're my mirror My mirror staring back at me" #15 That's different. It was a place pin-pointed out. The OP knew exactly where to look? And I'm sure once the doctor showed you, you looked at the spot he was speaking about. Any part of me, could be seen with a mirror plus a hand held one. If there was something growing on me, even if I thought it was just a mole, I'd like to see what my husband was talking about. :P
Dilwann 27
Still, there are many places that are hard to see, even using a mirror or two.
Faff 20
why would you use mirrors when we live in a world that has cameras and smartphones?
CrimsonAmaryllis 18
Anyone else who moderates FMLs going pants over that full stop at the end?
Jemm_fml 29
It's driving me crazy.
dontpanic_fml 32
It must be removed!