Miscellaneous: Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana....

By Operation Yewtree here I come - 26/09/2014 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 359

You deserved it 4 211

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Same thing different taste

Better out than in

By flying13 - 03/11/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 514

You deserved it 13 273

Basic communication

By Tim - 16/06/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 007

You deserved it 6 014

Delusional

By fmlifetime - 24/10/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 632

You deserved it 14 906

By Anonymous - 21/06/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 319

You deserved it 16 452

Randy Mandy

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 23:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I was eating lunch with my grandmother when a very muscular young man entered the restaurant. As soon as he walked in, my 70-year-old widowed grandmother looked at him and said, out loud, "Ooh, eye candy!" Everyone in the restaurant began staring at us, and the poor guy's face was red as a tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 419

You deserved it 5 575

Not funny

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 18:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 166

You deserved it 2 696

By Anonymous - 19/03/2014 10:34 - Australia - Greensborough

Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 596

You deserved it 3 841

By Twomanybananas - 23/01/2017 16:00

Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 612

You deserved it 3 866

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 788

You deserved it 3 901

Welshite 39

Saturday 27 September 2014 5:12

I'll bet he was disappointed when you started gagging because you couldn't handle it.

umerin 32

Saturday 27 September 2014 5:10

Old people rule.

Comments

lalaney 14

Saturday 27 September 2014 18:56

Yeah, how's it feel to be treated like the way women are treated? Kinda gross, right? Every women has has been told something like this.

bkboy2398 3

Saturday 27 September 2014 20:24

If he hadn't walked away that wouldn't have been the only thing you choked on

lina21 12

Sunday 28 September 2014 8:44

Oh to be old and able to completely screw with people and just walk away.

syed121417 22

Monday 29 September 2014 5:09

If I was in your place, I first would freeze, but proceed to howl over in laughter. It's nothing serious

bbmj420 0

Monday 29 September 2014 12:24

That was very bold of him.

banzaikitten 7

Monday 29 September 2014 13:45

pics of you eating a banana please

Mojo0608 26

Monday 29 September 2014 17:23

I'm favouriting this for the name xD

LeBoss2001 5

Tuesday 30 September 2014 1:27

Bruh...

dougierocks 13

Tuesday 30 September 2014 3:38

Does... he... *LOOK* like a bitch?

NotARealThing 4

Thursday 2 October 2014 17:47

Obviously not, the dude said "Young man" when addressing him... Creepy.

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Wednesday 1 October 2014 1:18

At least now you know you have options.

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 57 386

You deserved it 7 198

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

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The Top

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

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You deserved it 5 279

Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML

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You deserved it 4 348

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

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You deserved it 3 790

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

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You deserved it 1 381

Today, I’m going to have two Thanksgivings. One at my parents' for the first half of the day, then the other at my house. I let my boyfriend know beforehand about it, as well as my sister. She then told my mom about my plan and next thing I know, I got a phone call from mom that turned into her yelling at me for not staying all day. FML

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You deserved it 139

Today, my partner and I went to the inspection of a house we wanted to buy. The whole roof was illegal. This is the second time our realtor has shown us a house with major issues. FML

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You deserved it 120