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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

#2624268
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59873) - you deserved it (3889)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:43am - intimacy - by MBG (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML

#2621619
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47821) - you deserved it (10384)

On 06/05/2009 at 1:25am - kids - by KPKallery (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

#2619681
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39994) - you deserved it (7498)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a picture with my friend. Her camera can pick out a certain color and only have that color show up in the picture. She chose yellow because of the yellow on my dress. When she showed me the picture, the sash wasn't the only yellow thing; my teeth showed up, too. FML

#2619550
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40866) - you deserved it (16745)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by becstar90 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on a plane home from Ireland, my husband who was severely hungover, vomitted in a bag before we took off. When he got up to put the bag in the bin the stewardess forced him to sit back down. I had to hold on to a bag full of vomit for a good few minutes whilst my husband was passed out. FML

#2614376
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34344) - you deserved it (5001)

On 06/04/2009 at 10:04pm - health - by scarlett666 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

#2612293
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30061) - you deserved it (74792)

On 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by LadyChristina25 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

#2609418
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40203) - you deserved it (4029)

On 06/04/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by fmlprobot (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I wanted to print out a 100 page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this I picked a time where I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

#2604319
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7939) - you deserved it (66845)

On 06/04/2009 at 5:14pm - work - by Ayeya (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

#2602287
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65869) - you deserved it (9311)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

#2597926
617 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10797) - you deserved it (136916)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by soljaboy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

vag's comment : you key over being stood up? you're that desperate and drastic? you shoulda just found someone else, instead you turned into a raving lunatic criminal.

See all the comments →

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

#2595343
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55156) - you deserved it (3094)

On 06/04/2009 at 10:46am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went into work and noticed one of my fellow colleagues had a large bunch of flowers on her desk. As soon as I saw her, I immediately said, "Happy Birthday!" Everyone went quiet. It wasn't her birthday; her father had died. FML

#2594715
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19231) - you deserved it (51378)

On 06/04/2009 at 10:09am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



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