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Man or woman?

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

#1051780
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67047) - you deserved it (15734)

On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML

#1051397
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85058) - you deserved it (4683)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

#1050396
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61979) - you deserved it (6823)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

#1050390
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41443) - you deserved it (6638)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by bluemonday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

#1048842
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66964) - you deserved it (11293)

On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

#1047922
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15903) - you deserved it (71990)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

#1047617
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7779) - you deserved it (76326)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:12am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89150) - you deserved it (7237)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

#1043962
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57917) - you deserved it (3133)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

#1043784
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56828) - you deserved it (2250)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by eyeamcool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

#1040917
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45369) - you deserved it (21115)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

#1039565
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49781) - you deserved it (8928)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:38pm - love - by jacked (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML

#1035901
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78201) - you deserved it (6174)

On 04/16/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by Kelavmeister (man) - United States (Illinois)

Dutchie2010's comment : hahahhahahahaah...you should have pulled into the driveway and rolled down your window and said "woah you live here too??"

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