Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 4:30pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

by traumatized4life / 11/04/2010 at 3:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 3:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

by Whitley / 11/04/2010 at 11:17am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of two years dumped me, because I'd changed too much for her to bear, and I was breaking her heart. How did I change? I got braces. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 11:04am / United States / Love

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

by Lisa / 11/04/2010 at 10:42am / United States (New Hampshire) / Money

Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 5:18am / United States (Michigan) / Work

ItsEdible's comment : I would've been confused too OP.

See all the comments

Today, I called a guy who had requested a free marketing consultation for his funeral home through the internet a couple of days ago. When I got through, the receptionist seemed a little taken back by me wanting to talk to him. He had died and was buried yesterday. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 2:41am / United States / Work

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

by upsetandunjustified / 11/04/2010 at 1:19am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won't be able to finish until I go brush my teeth. FML

by shotdown / 11/04/2010 at 12:18am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

by bummed / 11/03/2010 at 11:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2010 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I failed to get my drivers licence. My father was the instructor. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2010 at 1:57pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Transportation