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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

#7011501
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24218) - you deserved it (2719)

On 12/29/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by patrickRafael (man) - Singapore

Today, I found out my reward for topping three of the four employee performance charts was a paycut. FML

#7010601
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25474) - you deserved it (2014)

On 12/29/2009 at 6:42am - work - by Stumanji (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, was very chilly. My little sister felt sorry for my two goldfish swimming in the cold water. She decided to put them in hot water. They died. FML

#7010356
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31054) - you deserved it (2798)

On 12/29/2009 at 5:57am - animals - by PoachedFish (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I found out that my booty call only likes to have sex with me so afterwards he can watch ESPN on my plasma screen TV, because he has neither. FML

#7009296
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9165) - you deserved it (14147)

On 12/29/2009 at 3:59am - intimacy - by pieceofcake163 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex asking if I would go out with him that night. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

#7008039
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12268) - you deserved it (25921)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by SherryBaby (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

#7007835
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22945) - you deserved it (1948)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by dentinpalevo (man) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, marks the second week straight without sex. Being a newlywed isn't as great as I thought. FML

#7007388
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22984) - you deserved it (4265)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:12am - intimacy - by marriagesux - United States

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream. I dreamt that I got a promotion at work and doubled my income, the dream was so great that I tried so hard not to wake up. When I did wake up it was 10 o'clock, two hours late for work I noticed I had a voicemail from my boss. I was fired for being late. FML

#7005842
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13106) - you deserved it (29756)

On 12/29/2009 at 1:01am - work - by mylifesucks22 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

#7004520
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21935) - you deserved it (11184)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

#7004300
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19382) - you deserved it (3253)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

#7002403
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31259) - you deserved it (2304)

On 12/28/2009 at 10:43pm - animals - by DOGSNACHER (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

#6999302
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42126) - you deserved it (4771)

On 12/28/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

#6998674
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22779) - you deserved it (4126)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:50pm - love - by creeped (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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