Your everyday life stories

srahsrah - 29/04/2016 03:46 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I'm more into the best man from my wedding (3 years ago) than I am my husband: which is not at all. FML

BrokeasF - 29/04/2016 03:43 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I'm moving from my house that I was renting with my roommates. They asked for Internet $ and of course I said sure, how much? Turns out they spent twice as much than usual on a "superior plan" wasted streaming while I only use internet for university. I love how I pay for their free time. FML

goodgirlfaith - 29/04/2016 03:41 - United States - Pana

Today, at work (a furniture store), I was helping a customer out with a chair. As I was on my way out the door, an older women looks at her husband and says, "Don't let her carry that herself! She's pregnant!" I am not pregnant, I just happened to be wearing yoga pants and a stretchy tank top. FML.

Symphoniaes - 29/04/2016 03:40 - United States - Olathe

Today, it marks the 36th week of my pregnancy. I found out that on top of my 9-month long case of Hyperemesis as well as a complication in baby's growth rate and high-risk of early delivery, I also have strep that's now passed on to the baby and can't be treated until labour. 4 weeks to go! FML.

idiot friend - 29/04/2016 03:38 - United States - Hartfield

Today, my friend called me to see if we could play with an oijia board next week when we hang out. The second I hit enter on Google for them power went out, the TV stopped working and my dog shakes when I pick her up. Guess who's probably possessed by a demon. Fml

ireallyneedahousekey - 29/04/2016 03:20 - United States - Rocky Point

Today, my boyfriend accidentally locked me out for 3 hours, in 90 degree heat, beside a trash fire, with no phone, and burning chapped lips. A cold sore had been blooming, and I couldn't get to the ointment in the house. Ooze actually dripped down my chin. FML

garibu - 29/04/2016 03:18 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I jumped on to the bus and hopped into the only available seat which a small child had just vacated. Upon sitting down I could feel a wet substance seeping through into my pants. As it turns out the child had peed himself and I was now sitting in it. FML

BloodAndGore - 29/04/2016 03:14 - United States

Today, marks a week since I've been married and 3 months since we've had sex. This also marks 3 months that I've been on my period.

lokigirl666 - 29/04/2016 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, i made a new "friend". he has been following me around making sexual jokes and making creepy observations. i finally told him he was a creep and he responded with an enthusiastic "thank you". he is currently still standing next to me trying to continue a conversation. FML

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V? - 29/04/2016 02:58 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on my little sisters iPad. Only to find when I got onto the Internet the history was opened with the search "naked girl pics" She's 6.

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showerstalker - 29/04/2016 02:49 - United States - Denver

Today, I was taking a normal shower when my sister opened the door. I had it locked, so I had no idea how she got in, until I saw the screwdriver in her hand. FML.

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iwillreapyou - 29/04/2016 02:47 - United States

Today, at my friends work I went to use the restroom and I managed to drop my keys in the toilet. I left the restroom to find something to grab them out. When I got back the toilet was full of crap. I managed to get my keys out. While washing them off I dropped them down the sink drain. FML.

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Anonymous - 29/04/2016 02:45

Today, I found another dead bird in my mom's aviary. It's the third dead bird in a month since my mom has been on holiday! She is gone for another month. I don't know what to do, except hope no more dies on my watch. FML

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OCDalyn - 29/04/2016 02:40 - Canada

Today, I was doing some farm work on a tractor. The windshield was getting dirty so I hopped onto the tractor tire to wipe it off with a rag. When I finished I lost my balance and grabbed the first thing I could reach: the exhaust stack. The burn hurt right away. FML

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anon - 29/04/2016 02:36 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I started dog sitting for this lady who was going to be out of town for a week. one of the dogs died on the first day I got there...

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PekaChu - 29/04/2016 02:34 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Today, I went for my road test. It was going good until my parallel park. I accidentally drove up on to the curb, and then I hit the gas while it was still in reverse. The person grading my driving screamed. I got an automatic fail. At least everything else was good! FML

buh_ree4 - 29/04/2016 02:34 - United States - Washington

Today, I had sex with my coworker. Over the past few weeks, we had been getting closer and I thought he was starting to like me. After we had sex, he told me he thought of me like a sister... I have no idea what to make of that after what had just happened. FML

iatetoomuchcereal - 29/04/2016 02:33 - United States - Dublin

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when what I thought would be a silent fart was not. "I think I just shit myself," was a sentence I never thought I would say to him.

katsapple1 - 29/04/2016 02:31 - Canada - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend finally chose to go into the navy. I was proud of her but right when she was telling me, she added, "Oh by the way, I'm breaking up with you." FML

anonymous - 29/04/2016 02:30 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I realized no matter what I try, I can't stimulate my clitorus. I get more pleasure cleaning my ears. My clitorus is broken. FML

gamewizard - 29/04/2016 02:20 - United States - Auburn

Today, a girl complimented me on how big my boobs are. This would be good if I wasn't a boy. FML

chuckmaddah - 29/04/2016 02:19 - Australia - Hawker

Today, I woke up to an insect invasion of 150 acid spitting caterpillars on my patio. Fml

Scrub my mouth out - 29/04/2016 02:19 - United States - Toledo

Today, I sat down to enjoy some nice strawberry cheesecake from a Kroger container. As I took a bite, it seemed oddly moister than usual. Shrugging it off, I take another bite, which was worse, so I look down. Whoever took some decided to put it back. FML

me - 29/04/2016 02:11 - United States - Wareham

Today, my mom ate my specially bought bread for my health problems. It was the last loaf I could afford, being in college and all. She refuses to buy me a new one. FML

XxNikixX - 29/04/2016 01:44 - Guyana - Georgetown

Today, My son made a pepper spray.Guess who he tested it on.FML

Becca34 - 29/04/2016 01:19 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I decided to take a relaxing bath to get over the stress of exams. After lighting the candles, I went to put the bath salts in. While leaning over, my hair fell out of its ponytail and went straight into the flame. Parts of my hair fell out and my whole bathroom smells like dog shit. FML

Noseblender - 29/04/2016 01:10 - United States - Earlysville

Today, I got an extremely sensitive pimple right below my nose. Today also seems to be the day that I got a horrible cold that causes me to sneeze every 2 minutes. My nose feels like it's in a blender. FML

CastBoundPit - 29/04/2016 00:57 - United States - Cordova

Today, I saw my 15 year old son trying to suck his dick. I asked him why, then he ignored me then started masturbating. Later I heard him scream my name while he orgasmed.

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blendedones - 29/04/2016 00:25 - United States - Bronx

Today, my boyfriend and I were going it at it. No one was home, so I took advantage of the situation and decided what the hell, let's get loud. Only to hear his mother out of nowhere say "Well Alright!" FML

imafunghoul - 28/04/2016 20:09 - United States - Royersford

Today, I had a horrible headache as I was in the car with my mother. Her constant talking was making the headache worse but I didn't want to be mean and tell her to stop talking, so I turned the radio up a little to get her to take a hint to be quiet. She is now just yelling over the music. FML.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after finding out my parents are divorced. Same reason my last three girlfriends broke up with me. FML

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Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML

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Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

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Today, I ordered more memory and a new hard drive for my computer. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. FML

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Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

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Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML

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