Weird

What?

By Nicole - 23/09/2026 15:00 - Canada - Fort Nelson

Today, I went through the local coffee shop drive-thru and got a canned energy drink. I didn't notice the extra topping until I was miles down the road. Someone had thoughtfully topped the can with whipped cream and curly hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 29

Safety first

By Anonymous - 22/09/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, on a whim, I tried the handle of the front door we never use and found it was unlocked. No one can remember the last time we used that door, and it opens directly onto the pavement, meaning for potentially years anyone could have strolled in at any time. Maybe they already have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 237

Hidden talent

By Wtf dude - 21/09/2026 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was working overnight with a handful of coworkers, one who has a reputation for being very quiet. He and I were alone when he suddenly burst into a beautiful folk song. When I told the others what happened, he pretended he didn't know what I was talking about, and now they think I'm nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 100

Found an out

By Anonymous - 19/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my husband filed for divorce because he discovered that we're actually fourth cousins. I tried to insist that means absolutely nothing, but he won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 74

Wild ride

By I'm not like that - 18/09/2026 00:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I got sick with a high fever. My boyfriend was so sweet and attentive, which I loved, until he said he wanted sex while I was feverish. Apparently, "fucking a girl who's running a fever feels amazing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 59

Healthy relationship goals

By Anonymous - 16/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Wichita

Today, I learned that my girlfriend of 5 months blocked me and said I was stalking her, and that I was weird. She also let her friends make jokes about my hair, even after all the gifts. I was planning on asking her to homecoming, but now she’s letting some other guy ask her and won’t even tell me who it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 281

Freaky family

By Anonymous - 14/09/2026 09:00 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I found out I am pregnant. I hooked up with my step-dad not that long ago while my mom was out of town. I'm 30 and he wants to tell my mom my baby is his, and I like the idea of telling her, but also know she won’t take it well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 1 042

You OK, hun?

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 15:00 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I'm not sure if this even qualifies as a confession, but here goes: I'm weirdly but genuinely disappointed that my celebrity crush used to get naked on screen. Somehow my delulu brain had convinced itself she was a proper lady 24/7, on and off screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 572

Nine Inch Nails?

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 09:00 - Tanzania - Dar es Salaam

Today, I realized my mom, whom I've been distant with for a few months, doesn't know her birth date. She's in her thirties and I need to apply for a university loan but it's impossible without her NIN, and she knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 66

Red flag

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying, "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 942

You deserved it 6 009

Clean break

By Bad thing? - 09/09/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my not-yet-even girlfriend dumped me in front of her family, as they all mocked and laughed at me because of my pointless and ridiculous "quirks". I'd told them that I shower and change into fresh clothes every day. I'd also said do not wipe after I poop, but I wash, soap, rinse, and dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 379

I'm not a magician

By oh hi - 08/09/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found a wallet on the pavement and took it to a police station. The officer opened it, looked at the ID, and said the owner lived two streets from me. I went back outside and nearly walked into said neighbour. He recognised his wallet immediately and hugged me. He then asked if I could also return his missing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 70

The war on pickles

By Anonymous - 07/09/2026 15:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spent my lunch break trying to open a jar of pickles that had been stuck for weeks. I finally gave up and asked a coworker for help. He tapped the lid once with a spoon and it opened immediately. I'd been fighting a pickle jar every day for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 293

I can explain

By SLEEPLESS - 07/09/2026 09:00 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I have my bedroom window covered in tinfoil, since there is an insanely bright streetlight right outside my window and nothing else works to block it so when I brought a girl back to my place and she opened the blinds, she saw the tinfoil and stared in horror. I tried to explain but she just stared and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 79

Petrolhead

By Whoopsie - 04/09/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I finally found a parking space directly outside my apartment after driving around for 20 minutes. I celebrated, parked, and walked upstairs. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd left my car running with the keys still inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 369

GOT brain

By Anonymous - 03/09/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a cute Scottish guy from Tinder, who kept on referring to himself as "FROM THE NORTH" like he thought he was in Game of Thrones or something. I like the show too, but I sure didn’t appreciate being called a "SOFT SOUTHERNER" when I talked about being born in Plymouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 115

Welcome home!

By Tickedoff the Squirrel - 01/09/2026 09:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, after a week out of town, I came home to discover my front door unlocked. I was greeted by a reeking old lady and her gorging obese middle-aged daughter with a "Who the fuck are you?" and "What are you doing in my son's house?" Said son is the former owner, from whom I legally bought this house four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 75

Discord weirdo

By Miku - 01/09/2026 00:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, a creep messaged me on Discord, asking my brother to pinch my cheeks, and to send a photo of me pretending to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 71

Paranoid

By StillBetterThanTwilight - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 897

You deserved it 2 670

Got it?

By Jessica - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 034

You deserved it 3 195

Chill out, lady

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Belgium - Gent

Today, I was verbally and physically attacked in a public pool, because I was swimming in what a grandma claimed was her part of the pool. Since I'm a very tolerant person, I calmly tried to talk some reason into the elderly lady. The lifeguard had to come to protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 158

You deserved it 1 822

Surveillance 24/7

By Traveller - 18/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my smart fridge sent me a notification saying the door had been left open. I ran downstairs, and discovered I had apparently connected the fridge to my phone correctly. For some reason, it was warning me about the open door in the hotel room three cities away that I'd stayed in last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 257

Magical mystery tour

By Weird - 18/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, I opened my fridge and found a single lemon, three sauces, and a 9V battery. I have no idea why the battery was there. I don't remember putting it there. I also don't remember owning anything that requires that particular battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 102

Judge Judy

By Dominic - 15/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Denver

Today, there's a kindly old lady at my gym who always looks over at me while I'm finishing on the elliptical. I thought she was checking me out. Turns out, since I always end my workout with 5 minutes on it, she thought I came to the gym, did 5 minutes on the elliptical, and left. She wasn't flirting. She was judging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 232

Simple plan

By Anonymous - 11/08/2026 03:00 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I got a message from an old friend’s wife. She said they were having a reunion at their place and invited me to come. She spent the whole night trying to get me to hook up with him! She wanted out of the marriage and thought that if she could get him to cheat, she’d get a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 68

You did what?

By Now we both get punished! - 06/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 126

Family

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 09:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my father lectured me on the “sanctity of marriage” while his third wife bawled in the corner. I'm just gay, not a raging cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 90

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

By I want to forget too... - 03/08/2026 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 62

Suspicious activity

By Lexa - 02/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband made an elaborate heartfelt speech to a female colleague regarding her job promotion during her celebration dinner that had everyone in tears. During our wedding, he insisted on not do wedding vows because he “doesn’t like all that emotional shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 94

Toast

By [email protected] - 31/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Garden City

Today I watched my 90 year-old father-in-law's friend dip an entire piece of bread into her wine glass, swish it around with her fork, and then eat it. In a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 87

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Random

Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 115

You deserved it 1 148

Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 206

You deserved it 4 123

Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 293

You deserved it 4 613

Today, I got motion sickness while having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 372

You deserved it 6 908

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 697

You deserved it 24 017

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 146

You deserved it 2 868