Random FMLs

Told you so

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 14:00

Today, I told my stepdad 3 times not to unload my new stove by himself, being worried about both the appliance and his bad back. When I came back to the car two minutes later, he'd taken the stove out and was wondering where that huge scratch on the side might have come from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 106

By AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork - 24/09/2014 17:17 - Germany - Dachau

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 741

You deserved it 2 636

Randy

By awkwardRA - 19/09/2018 03:30

Today, one of my residents was having super loud sex. I'm an RA in a college freshman dorm, and I had to knock on her door and tell her to quiet down. I hate to be a cock-block, but she woke multiple people up, myself included. I live 4 doors down the hall from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 951

You deserved it 456

Supportive and empathetic

By meltdowninrels - 15/08/2014 22:09 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 689

You deserved it 5 191

CUT IT OUT!

By Anonymous - 06/03/2023 18:00

Today, I went to see a movie by myself and ended up sitting next to a couple on a first date, who spent the whole movie whispering to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 170

By Badday - 25/10/2009 04:38 - Canada

Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 963

You deserved it 29 952

By Jorgina226 - 11/08/2010 16:33 - United States

Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 951

You deserved it 27 111

Hack

By Anonymous - 13/04/2015 15:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 965

You deserved it 6 055

Thorough check

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 23:34 - United States - Akron

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 881

You deserved it 24 015

By Mia - 20/08/2014 06:07 - United States - Astoria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 349

You deserved it 7 264

By dumped - 27/10/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 888

You deserved it 2 806

By The Drew - 21/09/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, after completely refilling my almost empty gas tank, I witnessed the price flip from $3.69 per gallon to $3.59. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 091

You deserved it 2 675

By killme - 11/11/2014 17:43 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 7 146

Smelly glasses for life

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 12:30 - United States

Today, I used my towel on the counter to clean my glasses. Apparently, my foster cat had peed on it during the night. The wet towel hit my mouth. I started out my day with cat pee on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 319

By analinguist - 20/02/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, while playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, my phone rang, and I instinctively tried to pick it up with the Force. I kept trying until it stopped ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 921

You deserved it 45 955

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 695

You deserved it 7 336

Bad romance

By Carloly - 14/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, a guy I’ve been dating for a while surprised me with tickets to see my favorite singer, Lady Gaga, for my birthday. I was about to tell him I can’t see him anymore because I fell for someone else at work, and it wouldn’t be fair to string him along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 588

Expensive hobby

By astalkerindeed - 16/05/2013 04:31 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 728

You deserved it 6 491

By oh - 06/12/2013 21:20 - Denmark - Viborg

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 032

You deserved it 3 699

By Anonymous - 02/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 333

You deserved it 5 145

By Anonymous - 22/03/2012 20:17 - United States - Fresno

Today, I twisted my ankle during a round of golf, after trying to do a fancy jumping high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 260

You deserved it 26 178

By helpme - 25/09/2015 13:46 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter during class and told him to read it when he got home. He texted me later asking me why I gave him my school assignment. I must have handed the love letter in to my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 384

You deserved it 7 794

That sucks

By Rich - 10/08/2021 00:01 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having a bath, I sucked a cup and it stuck to my face, as I’m sure others have done, right? However, the genius I am sucked it too hard and for too long, and managed to give myself a love bite goatee. The next week at school is going to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 080

By emi - 01/07/2012 04:30

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 982

You deserved it 5 321

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 964

You deserved it 8 234

By Sabraynay - 28/09/2011 06:47

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 077

You deserved it 3 307

By TehUglyLife - 29/07/2013 19:11 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 925

You deserved it 14 216

Judgmental people are the worst

By samantha - 09/03/2021 16:59

Today, I was called a horrible excuse for a mother just for buying formula for my baby. I just don’t produce any milk of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 142

You wanker!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 22:00

Today, my brother arrived at the cabin we’re staying at on a trip. He insisted he got the bed I chose. My father responded, "You wouldn’t want the bed if you knew what he did in it last night." I laughed until I realized there's a mirror where he could've easily seen "what I did last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 2 144

By sillymink - 20/08/2016 02:06 - United States

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 758

You deserved it 2 428

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Scams Relatable Money Health Miscellaneous Awkward Food Embarrassing Neighbours Boredom Work Delivery Confused Love Healthy Lifestyle Weddings Shoes Animals Cute Landlords Family AITA Kids Religion Public freakouts Keys Grandparents #FAFO Gambling Party

The Top

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 536

You deserved it 1 878

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 135

You deserved it 1 575

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 69

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 573

You deserved it 434

Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 208

You deserved it 429

Today, I forgot the maintenance man was coming today for my sink. I was cooking and blasting ”Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?” by Rod Stewart at full volume while singing and dancing. He was laughing when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 285