Your everyday life stories

whatthefaaahk - 28/04/2016 00:11 - United States - West Boylston

Today, my wife left her social worker job to become a minimum wage teachers assistant. I either have to get another job with double the salary or work 80 hours a week to make up the difference. She's mad I'm not happy for her. FML

AL - 27/04/2016 23:43 - Canada - Athens

Today I was texting my very horny boyfriend as I was getting ready for school. We had been talking dirty all morning. I ended up misplacing my phone. Just as I saw it on the table my dad picked it up. Right at that moment my boyfriend sent a text discussing how he wants to undress me. He saw. FML

smellyshit - 27/04/2016 23:42 - Canada - Kincardine

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower when he decided that he had to take a dump. He let it go in the shower without warning and I threw up on him after. He got mad at me. FML.

lizz - 27/04/2016 23:40 - Netherlands - Utrecht

My sister just got a new car. And i've been asking for a new phone for months.. FML

DragonFruit31 - 27/04/2016 23:21 - United States - Havre De Grace

Today, my dad informed me that he took all of my college savings and put it into my sister's account. Why? Because I stopped going to his house due to the emotional abuse he causes (which has been proven by multiple doctors). FML

AJF226 - 27/04/2016 23:16 - United States - Glendale

Today, I was talking to my friends at school. One told me some people think I'm gay (I'm not). I asked why and they told me to get a paper towel. I get up and walk to get one and they laugh as I come back. They told me my walk is gay. FML

Oh Holy Buckets. - 27/04/2016 23:10 - United States - Youngstown

Today, I was bitch slapped by Murphy's Law when my supervising coworker was out and I thought I could take care of the building alone. The network was disconnected and the phones went down within the hour. I'm a student IT network analyst. FML

trinalporpus - 27/04/2016 23:05 - Canada - Cranbrook

Today, my girlfriend curled up into a ball and cried for hours because I logged onto Facebook without her permission. FML

jaytx123 - 27/04/2016 22:54

Today, I a finally told a girl that I liked her. She responded with "Oh Okay, but I already fucked your best friend." He has known for a long time that I had strong feelings for her.

Redfox712 - 27/04/2016 22:53 - United States - Louisburg

Today, my brother snuck up on me whilst I was drinking milk. He then played the Pink Panther song on full volume, making me snort my milk all over the computer. FML

Anonymous - 27/04/2016 22:48 - United States - Lake Worth

Today, while I was moderating FMLs, I felt bad for saying "no" to a couple of them, but just a word of advice to the creators of those FMLs: if you have one grammatical error, then the whole thing is shit. Sorry. FML.

beautifulmymy - 27/04/2016 22:46 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I shot pepper spray in my house to test it out. It works. FML

bracesfaces - 27/04/2016 22:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I sprained my arm while playing ultimate frisbee. Also, I had to get new wires for my braces, where the orthodontist pulled my whole upper brace off. If thats not enough, while at the orthodontist, I walked straight into an extremely cleaned glass door. Im now in pain everywhere. FML

Silence - 27/04/2016 22:38 - United States - Washington

Today, I went to go get smokes. Leaving the store I saw who I thought was a friend of mine walking. She waved and came over and got in my car. About this time I realized it wasn't anyone I knew. Turns out she was a hooker who wanted to discuss prizes FML

yaboysad - 27/04/2016 22:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, although I suffer from a condition that prevents me from feeling emotion, my best friend decided we were no longer friends, because she feels I have no empathy towards her. Then, my favorite person on earth decided to let me know he's leaving the state next week. Forever. FML.

ryan9395 - 27/04/2016 22:37 - United States - Patchogue

Today, Today I put my dog in the cage, for attempting to steal crackers from 1 year old son. How does he respond? He goes over to the cage, lets The dog out, and gives her the cracker... FML

izkiz - 27/04/2016 22:30 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, my friend is now constantly making "jokes" about self harm and suicide about himself. Why would he joke about such a serious topic? Because he found out my greatest fear is someone I care about committing suicide. He won't stop, despite seeing me reduced to tears from the "jokes". FML

MisaMisa - 27/04/2016 22:30 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave himself food poisoning so he wouldn't have to meet my parents. FML

SomeFatKid - 27/04/2016 22:29 - Canada

Today, I sucked dick for cab fare and somehow still ended up walking home...FML

RandomTurtle109 - 27/04/2016 22:29 - United States - Hatfield

Today, I got a black eye. How? No, not a fight, not a freak accident. I popped multiple blood vessels in my eyelid ... with an eraser. FML

Broke a** doc - 27/04/2016 22:28 - United States - Livingston

Today, was my last day of medical school. It would have been a joyous occasion had it not been for the guy who rammed into my car as I was parallel parking outside the hospital. FML

Dapper - 27/04/2016 22:25 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, I decided to make a move on a friend of mine at school. I only did it because me and her were actually great friends. However, I got rejected within a few moments of me saying how I liked her. FML

izkiz - 27/04/2016 22:24 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, my ex and I kissed, as we both still have strong feelings towards each other. This was my first kiss. We dated for a year. FML.

izkiz - 27/04/2016 22:18 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, the first guy I have ever loved wants to be in a relationship with me. I'm ecstatic! Too bad I'm moving to a different state in three days and will only see him a few times in the next year. FML.

Richard cranium - 27/04/2016 22:17 - United States

Today, my sister that I haven't seen in years told me she has a bad meth addiction. I just sent her $500 to help pay her rent two weeks ago. Now I'm wondering...Did I just buy my sisters drugs???FML

whatthehelliswrongwithher - 27/04/2016 22:15 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my mom told me my grandfather, the most influential man in my life, died. I had a breakdown at work, and called lots of people to tell them. Two hours later, she tells me, no, she's thinks he's going to die. Then doesn't understand why I'm upset with her. FML.

BleachOrRope - 27/04/2016 22:10 - United States - Meridian

Today, I woke up to hate messages most going with the message "Kill yourself" I was very confused about this and found out someone added all my contacts on a site and said they were me, then decided to piss everyone and they flooded to my accounts, that's a great way to start a vacation. FML

Suffocation, No Breathing - 27/04/2016 22:08 - United States - Mccomb

Today, I had to be rushed to the hospital. Why? While weight lifting, my spotters didn't notice that I had dropped the bar on my neck and was choking.

hannah04? - 27/04/2016 22:01 - United States - Vicksburg

Today, while trying to look sexy in front of my crush, I bumped his feet and fell on my face. FML

Adamjmumford00 - 27/04/2016 21:52 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I accidentally set up my friend with my crush while I was telling her how I feel about her. This isn't the first time it has happened. I don't know how I do it. FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper at me for the first time ever after 2 years of dating, and actually raised his voice. It turned me on, and I don’t just mean on, I mean OOONNNNNN. I was so wet it ran down my thighs and made an obvious damp spot in my jeans. FML

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Today, I was in a bus headed to another city and fell asleep as did everyone else. I must've woken up last, because I half-snorted as I woke up and everybody heard. Now we’re on a coffee break and I can see them all snicker about it outside. FML

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Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4 a.m. to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

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Today, my wife admitted she loves me as a father to our children, but is no longer attracted to me. FML

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Today, I woke up early in the morning after sleeping 3 hours. Stepped into the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee like usual. I was sipping my hot coffee while studying, until I noticed a small roach skeleton. I found 3 more in my coffee maker. FML

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Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

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