Your everyday life stories

Olivia_Higdon_ - 29/04/2016 21:19 - United States - Flat Rock

Today, as I left for school, I forgot to put on deodorant. This would've been fine if my crush hadn't have walked by me after gym. Apparently I smelled so bad, he gagged.

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filipkm - 29/04/2016 21:14 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I was familiarized with cartoon pain when I stepped on a soap in my shower and broke my arm. FML

yay spring... - 29/04/2016 21:11 - United States - Denver

Today, you know you're allergies are bad when you have a sneezing fit so severe, it causes you to shit yourself and get a bloody nose. Only an hour left at work. Commando.

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mom zoned - 29/04/2016 21:03 - United States - Southlake

Today, my best friend that I've had a crush on for years said I remind him of his mom, and for that reason we could never go out. FML

ThatOneGuy - 29/04/2016 20:43 - United States - Houston

Today, my car broke down, so I took it to the shop to get fixed. I was on my way home after getting it back, when I was rear-ended. FML

Anonymous - 29/04/2016 20:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was playing a video game with my girlfriend, and it started getting really hard, so within a few minutes, we were both screaming and banging our fists against random things. I heard someone at the door to my room. It was my mom, and she thought we were having sex. FML

scaredshitless - 29/04/2016 20:12 - Poland - Tychy

Today, I woke up for the first time at my new place. I hadn't slept well because my upstairs neighbors kept on rattling, rambling and clanking on God knows what, so I decided to pay them a visit and give them hell. Only then did I remember that I live on the top floor now. There is no upstairs. FML

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Anonymous - 29/04/2016 20:07 - United States - Los Angeles

Today I finally got a job, after a couple years of trying to get one. Before meeting me, my new boss decided to text me about the work hours. I was texting another friend at the time, and as an inside joke I texted my friend "I hate you". Afterwards, I realized that I actually texted my boss. FML

chickennuggets - 29/04/2016 19:55 - United States - Barnhart

Today, my wife agreed to let me give her a rimjob. All was going well, until she decided to let out some diarrhea. All she had to say was, "That's what you get for buying me Taco Bell for lunch." FML

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Tarlachia - 29/04/2016 19:48 - United States - Orlando

Today, while standing next to my work van pulling out tools for a job, a man snuck up within inches behind me and stood in silence. Upon turning around, his presence startled me enough to cause me to punch him hard in the chest and force him back into another car. He only wanted a job. FML

idek - 29/04/2016 19:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was starting to jack off with what I thought was lotion. Not long after did I realize that it was gold bond foot cream. Probably the most pain I've witnessed in a while. FML.

Anonymous - 29/04/2016 19:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was working the drive-up of the bank I work at. One of the bankers wanted me to process his transaction, so I did. There was a customer who pulled up to the station, and I asked him to greet her. He had his mic on and he was talking in swear words to me. The customer heard everthing. FML.

algebraaa - 29/04/2016 19:40 - United States - Forney

Today, in math class we were entering answers into a quiz site. I failed with a zero, then everyone used my tablet to get the right answers, which are given after you finish. FML

berger13 - 29/04/2016 19:40 - United States - San Diego

Today, I started lactating in class. This would be fine if I wasn't a junior in high school. Or never pregnant. Or a male.

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anonynom - 29/04/2016 19:37 - United States - Springfield

Today, I read an obvious fake FML in moderation about a kid talking to a ghost. Commenters not only believed it was real, they believed ghosts are real too. It's like we're living in the middle ages. FML

javankipp - 29/04/2016 19:05 - United States - Frederick

Today, I had to use the bathroom at school. After taking a piss I let out what I thought would just be a fart. I was wrong. Now I have to drive an hour home in soiled underpants. FML

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Anonymous - 29/04/2016 19:04 - Australia

Today, I shat myself 5 times before the morning was out. FML

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istheaar_on - 29/04/2016 18:55 - Italy - Padova

Today, I was pissing liquid out of my rear for what seemed like an eternity. In the wrong bathroom. Of my best friends wedding. FML.

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TheIfiriValkyrie - 29/04/2016 18:54 - United States - El Paso

Today, as I was putting on pants in the morning, I hear a crunch and soon after, a wet sensation. I quickly remove my pants to see a squirming roach fall out. FML

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breakerone92 - 29/04/2016 18:46

Today, i bought two $2 scratch off lotto tickets for my friend and i, he won $500 i won nothing. FML

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anon - 29/04/2016 18:43 - United States - Northfield

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to get intimate. I am on my period so I stealthily removed my tampon and threw it on the floor trying not to ruin the mood. A couple minutes in we heard growling. My cats were fighting over my tampon. FML

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puppydamage - 29/04/2016 18:24 - United States - Abilene

Today, after getting peanut butter all over my hands trying to give a pill to my puppy, I quickly washed my hands before taking her out. In a second, she ran away and was about to pee on the carpet. I grabbed her quickly to take her out, not before she peed mid-air all over me and the carpet. FML

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devonic - 29/04/2016 18:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was trying to be sexy for my boyfriend, but I slipped and bashed my face on the bad. Now I don't have front teeth and I have a meeting first thing tomorrow morning. FML

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devonic - 29/04/2016 18:16 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was trying to be sexy for my boyfriend but I slipped and bashed my fave on the bed now I don't have front teeth and I have a meeting first thing tomorrow morning. FML

Sabrina95 - 29/04/2016 18:03 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I realized that I don't always lose stuff. However, when I do it's my tablet that contains not only my Finals schedule, but in class Final notes. FML

Gassy Classmate - 29/04/2016 17:57 - United States - Washington

Today, I really had to fart but I was in class so I walked to the back. Unfortunately the air vents turned on during and my fart was pushed around the whole class. People noticed. FML.

MojoJoJo4791 - 29/04/2016 17:35 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I decided to confront my girlfriend as to why she'd been so distant lately and hadn't been returning my calls or texts in the past few days. She got upset and said she was hoping I'd take a hint. Guess who's single? FML.

jrice79 - 29/04/2016 17:32 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I received a text from my pharmacy saying "Your prescription for D is out of stock...". Even my Pharmacy is cock blocking me. FML

YourAverageKumar - 29/04/2016 17:26 - Canada - Mississauga

Today at school, I had a supply teacher. Little did I know, she was friends with my mother and began displaying embarrassing childhood photos of me I have no recollection about. FML

Anonymous - 29/04/2016 17:19 - United States

Today, I realized my parents will never love me because I'm, quote, "A tryhard loser". FML

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

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Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

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Today, I got a phone call. I thought it was just one of these toll free numbers that were always calling so when I answered the phone, I said, “City morgue: you stab 'em, we slab 'em! How may I help you?” It was my college calling to discuss my grades. FML

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Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

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Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML

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Today, I was working out and doing box jumps. My friend thought it would be funny to kick the box aside as I tried to jump onto it. Now I have 2 broken teeth. FML

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