Your everyday life stories

mcklutzy - 30/04/2016 05:23 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I broke my already broken leg. This will be a long shitty year. FML

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uhmhaicats - 30/04/2016 05:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I took our dog on a generous walk. When we got back he said he had lost his keys. I suggested he left them inside. He refused to believe so while throwing a fit and made us go back on the walk. No luck so he climbs through the window and they were on the table. Fml

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Traeeee - 30/04/2016 05:07 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. He failed to mention he was suspected of murder until after my house was raided. FML

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MrsHumanFrog - 30/04/2016 04:50 - United States - Lexington

Today, my husband was planning to take a half a day off since he had paid time available. I showered, shaved, told him I was naked on the couch waiting for him... He decided to stay and work his whole shift.

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DeadLily - 30/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Midlothian

Today, after getting my husband off before bed, he decided he wasn't going to get me off tho I was very horny from not having sex in weeks. Finally I decided to take a shower and take care of it myself. After the shower my best guy friend texted me. My husband immediately thought I was cheating. FML

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gummy - 30/04/2016 04:33 - United States - Rockville

Today, I was chewing gum. I had my hair down and I turned my head to cough into the crook of my elbow, forgetting about the gum in my mouth. It flew out and stuck to a huge clump of my hair. I had a green glob in my hair for the rest of the day FML

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emily_anne006 - 30/04/2016 04:16 - United States - Abingdon

Today, my grandma walked downstairs as me & my boyfriend were scrambling off each other; trying to get situated. We both had no idea what to say. FML

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maryfvs - 30/04/2016 04:12 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I found out how depressed I really am. It's gotten so bad all I want to do is sleep or cry. My boyfriend doesn't even try to help, he just goes on with his life and wonders why I'm so quiet all the time. Sad thing is, I told him I was feeling this way. So much for listening. FML

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anonymousy. - 30/04/2016 03:15 - Canada - Mackenzie

Today, I did the math, if I had gotten pregnant the last time my husband and I had sex, our child would be 4 months old. fml.

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anonymous - 30/04/2016 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my suspicions were confirmed- my husband is cheating on me. With his cousin who lives across the street. I found this out because our six year old daughter had forgot her lunch and we walked in on them in the kitchen. FML

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Holy_MoFo - 30/04/2016 02:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I haven't had sex with my husband in over a year, but we're cruising craigslist too find a threesome to "spice things up." fml.

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ladyfarmer - 30/04/2016 02:50 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I've been giving my one beef cow a shot that has to be given for 5 days, she's started feeling better, and now when we attempt to give her a shot, she kicks like a mule. She kicked me twice in the same spot on my shin for two days straight. This is day 3 of the 5 day series. FML.

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fmlfreek101 - 30/04/2016 02:48 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my car got stolen after parking it on a different street. After I filed a report and walked home, I got mugged and my phone and wallet were stolen. FML

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Too much anxiety - 30/04/2016 02:44 - United States - Havertown

Today, my anxiety disorder has gotten so bad that just talking about anxiety is enough to give me a panic attack. FML

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bandeek - 30/04/2016 02:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that tomorrow I may have to watch a 5 year old that hates me, a 4 year old with behavorial issues, my 3 year old that recently decided she couldn't hear anything I said, and a 1 year old that runs away from me. My leg is broken. I'm on crutches and I don't get paid for this. FML

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Not a Dad - 30/04/2016 02:33 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I learned the unborn child, the one my now ex-girlfriend was carrying, the one that sadly "didn't make it" in its first trimester, was actually aborted. My ex-girlfriends ex-husband paid for said procedure. . FML

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forever alone - 30/04/2016 02:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, one of the mentally disabled kids in the phys ed class I work in asked me for my number so we could have a playdate. This is the first time a boy has ever asked me for my number. FML

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Thanks, but I'm full.. - 30/04/2016 02:17 - United States - Painted Post

Today, I woke up to my 4 year old son trying to shove a cockroach into my mouth. FML

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two2blue - 30/04/2016 02:10 - United States - Madison

Today, for the fifth week in a row, my boyfriend admitted to buying something frivolous, yet still complains he can't afford to renew his passport for the trip my work will pay to send us on. FML.

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KingDreamer - 30/04/2016 02:08 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I was walking around in Walmart and I was looking for some snacks and I didn't notice the wet floor sign and I fell in front of at least 27 strangers and they all laughed FML

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Itineranthuman - 30/04/2016 02:05 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I realized that I'm more comfortable getting shot at than I am giving presentations in class. Insurgents launching an attack on the compound? Like, whatever, man. 30 minute presentation on Russia? I am actually going to die of nerves. Clearly, my survival instincts are failing me. FML.

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are you stupid - 30/04/2016 02:04 - United States - Malvern

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a blowjob. She turned down my request, but not because she didn't feel comfortable. No, she thought sperm had gluten. FML

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buttholebandit - 30/04/2016 01:55 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, i severely cut my asshole while shaving. it was so bad that while having sex with my bf he stopped to ask if i had started my period. FML.

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markers28599 - 30/04/2016 01:41 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, while sitting on the couch I couldn't figure where the smell of poop was coming from, until I got off the couch and realized I sat in dog poop. Thanks dogs, FML

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burgerkingaka - 30/04/2016 01:30 - United States - Fulton

Today, I got rejected with the exact phrase, "it could work out, it's just the fact I'm a flaming lesbian." FML

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PingusTheDingus - 30/04/2016 01:15 - United States - Ardmore

Today, I got my first job. I went in to work this afternoon fine, and came out with severe burns on hands. My boss made me try working the grease fryer without any training, causing me to burn my hands. I then got to spend the rest of the day pressing buttons on the register with my burnt hand. FML

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MyCrazyGirlSmh - 30/04/2016 01:12 - United States

Today, this girl I love finally told me in so much detail that she loves me. Then she said sorry wrong person we just happened to be texting at the same time. This was my girlfriend way of breaking up with me. She was texting my classmate . FML

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Fractured Feet - 30/04/2016 01:10 - United States - Naperville

Today, a customer ran over my foot with his car because his car didn't pass the emissions test. My boss actually believed him when he said I tampered with the computer knowing that I'm on camera and would never do such a thing. The company won't pay for the medical bills now. FML

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Jodes - 30/04/2016 01:05 - United States - Augusta

Today I got the test results from the large number of blood tests my doctor ran to find out why my feet have been so painful and tingly for so long. Conclusion: My shoes are too small. FML.

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rayhank123 - 30/04/2016 00:58

Today, my mother was telling me how i use to suck on my dad's nipple's when i was hungry as a baby, FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

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Today, my wife and I spent hours cleaning our home, including her mother’s room, which has a floor covered in talcum powder (that she believes keeps ants away). After laboriously sweeping, and then washing the floor, it eventually dried. Two minutes later she poured talc all over the floor again. FML

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Today, I tried to encourage my spouse to come with me and work out a bit, figuring it would help us both get be healthier and be something to do together. I got told she had no desire to get healthy or look attractive, and that I should find a "Fuck buddy" instead. What? FML

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Today, while hiking in the mountains in North Carolina, I finally got to the deer I had been tracking for almost an hour. I was watching it from about 10 feet away, and enjoying every moment. Within a few seconds, my niece yelled from across the river to ask if I had found it. It ran away. FML

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Today, I dressed up nicely to see the guy that I like and have been talking to for the last 3 months. Just when I thought he was finally going to ask me to be his girlfriend, he told me that he's actually had a girlfriend for 3 years now, but was too afraid to tell me because he really likes me. FML

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Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

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