mattlord

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Mattlord's favorite FMLs

By AppoKing - 19/02/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML

agreeclassic 20 119

vote type 1 58 887

AppoKing app_comment_confession_title

AppoKing 0

Friday 20 February 2009 2:27

In reference to everyone who wants to know how he teaches: He uses power points and is able to type, change slides, and use a laser pointer with his foot (I think only one leg is actually real). He teaches psychology and is an amazing teacher.

By Anonymous - 20/07/2014 05:23 - United States

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

agreeclassic 53 572

vote type 1 4 442

You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

By LoveGlove - 21/06/2014 21:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

agreeclassic 48 153

vote type 1 4 964

By Jackassed - 12/05/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML

agreeclassic 15 520

vote type 1 59 243

By emilygreeny - 18/06/2010 05:42 - United States

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

agreeclassic 13 475

vote type 1 57 116