Miss Redwood City, USA 31 years-old
Today, I found my underwear in my brother's pillow as well as my vibrator and Victoria's Secret magazines. FML
Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he had to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me his wife was going into labour. FML
Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML
Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML
Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML
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