Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML
Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML
Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, as usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML
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Top comments
shamille 5
at least they didn't steal your dog
iBou_fml 4
half an hour masturbating? :S
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Comments (147)
KillaJenkins 0
#21, yeah... I know, but it says "found an open door." so if this person had locked it and someone still decided to rob the house, maybe they'd have broken a window or something and they'd have known their dog wasn't just barking.
vxjazz 0
Get another dog.
nukemdukem 8
Who masturbates for 30min!
Kimienxtc 0
Honry arseh0le! :P But seriously, how would you not ger distracted man? 30 mins?!
2an1a 4
#24 ..i know right 30 minutes..dude u need to get laid
Anony_fml 0
#24 - People who don't have premature ejaculation, which you must have
ILIEKGIRLS 5
#9 Drop it, nigga!
Rick_S 3
Did you have to tell us you were masturbating? You couldn't have just said you were busy in your room and didn't want to be distrubed? ILIEKGIRLS: I hope that comment get's moderated.
JanL1993 0
your a dumb ass
Wildcard 0
#28 the story just wouldn't have been the same if he didn't tell us about how it takes him 30 mins to jerk off. Today, I was sitting in my room staring at the wall when my dog started obnoxiously barking like he always does, so I ignored it. I continued to stare at the wall for another 30 minutes. When I was done, I went downstairs and found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
fireflies2012 0
win. I literally lol'ed XD
manda518 0
hahahhahaha